fondness

sometimes you realize things that you probably realized a thousand times before its just that at this moment its clearer than ever before. There is no time like right now. you will never feel like you do now about the way life is. it will never be this way again. you can never get back those lost feelings encapsulated in those cherished memories that you keep chasing after. i am not the same. you are not the same. im no longer looking for what i was looking for then. i know more and im a little wiser. i might be a little confused but that simply requires me organizing some thoughts and agendas. i cant keep passion in a little keepsake that i can go back and open when i feel like nostalgia needs to relight fading memories. it wont be the same. the touch the smell the feelings can be thought but never revamped. it makes my chest tighten and my breathing uneasy.

i miss when i was young. when i was a boy searching for happiness. on a trail with no visible end. looking for any friendly face and latching onto open arms wherever i could find them. any one that took an interest and perked my curiosity. ive never felt those feelings before. id want to explore the depths of that one. id search and search and realize that with feelings comes more than than goodness i was longing for. with love comes hurt and now i think that alot of those feelings that invoked such a curiosity, wounded me more than they taught something valuable. im more protective than ever before. those memories subliminally remind me that sometimes you dont need to go out of your way to explore every feeling. some are better left unfelt. lest i hurt more.

whatever the case. sometimes i feel like i cant recapture the hope i once felt for such passions. thats a horrible feeling. sometimes i feel like i found my only well and i dried it up. it has little left to offer my quench. when i come to this point i sort of laugh at myself. i feel so childish. in no way am i over. there is a world that can only be found if hope exists. why would i give up hope. ha. silly me. as long as im hopeful i know that i will find the electrifying excitement i get when i touch another soul. the level of cleverness and wit that you experience with another. when the hearts are mended for brief intervals and it totally makes you smile. they feel what you feel. thats powerful.

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