ramble

Sometimes we get lost in our thoughts. We lose direction and bump into all sorts of obstacles before we discover our unfortunate fault. There is a visceral connection that leaves me with a vague feeling of uncertainty. I fight with myself. I wonder how much we deceive ourselves. I wonder how much we’re deceived by others. Everything we do is motivated by some ubiquitous intention, inexorably pervasive, even if we choose to ignore it. I think we need to be honest with our own state being. Not as an unchanging unique individual, but the state of being that’s ever evolving and consistently yearning for that ideal condition that will forever allude us. We’re a slave to how we perceive our human condition. How can we wrap our mind around understanding? How do we arrive? Is it definitive? or do we settle with the most convincing argument we present ourselves until we’re presented with a perception more agreeable? or for the sheer security of our sanity, do we ignore the only viable influences to change and help us?

You want to pull it out. It’s piercing your depths. Swirling into the never ending abyss of emotional sludge, you feel it slowly choking the healthy exchange of heart and mind. You consciously examine the vague waters of uncertainty. Slowly losing yourself, you become entranced by the allusive depths of the imagination. There is no logic to explain the state conjured by forces of desire or fear or doubt or excitement. There is nothing logical about the will of man, about the tormented spirit as it wrestles with it’s current condition. Is man a slave to his flesh? Is he arrested by the limited perception of the present? Is his hope in the future inherently flawed? Tainted by his crude interpretations of the past? Who can judge man’s potential before he’s actualized himself? Before he’s displayed the power of his will? Can man maintain hope in life without the knowledge of ever achieving before? Can he be satisfied in working towards a state he has no agency over, a state of being that’s never existed, nor guaranteed or promised? Who can judge the measure of a sufficient effort if they’ve never existed, never achieved or succeed or actualized their dreams?

Is failure necessary to help man recognize the limited scope of his understanding? Is it integrated into our experience to show us how finite we are? Do animals learn from failure so they can personally work on their current condition?

Fear? Is fear man’s greatest motivator? Is desire man’s greatest motivator? Does fear motivate desire? Does desire inspire ignorance in defense for escaping the debilitating clutches of fear? or is desire the overwhelming yearn for a life more abundantly? Is what we see what we get? Do cynics have an imagination? Is idealism ignorant or genius?