friend is a four letter word

Pick your friends. Do not let your friends pick you.

Do I know what I want? Yes. Have I ever had it before? No. Have I ever seen it before? No. Will I know when I see it? Yes. Is it going to be a long hard confusing struggle before I achieve this desire? Yes. Will I falter at times? Yes. Will I settle for things that are less than what’s best for me? Yes. Does that make me weak? No.

Sometimes I settle for less than what I know is best. I use excuses to settle or take shortcuts like… all this extra effort is unnecessary, or it won’t matter right now, or I just gotta use what I got instead of looking for better, or other inane devices that make it, for a time, alright to avoid responsibility for myself. I despise the urge inside me to question my own convictions. When something is out of place and I let it be, neglecting the thought to do something about it, I am cheating myself. There are people all around me that are special and great and as people are about as normal as the populace they’re surrounded with. Most people think they’re original. That they have something that no one else has. Granted, there will never be another like them, but most times that’s the only quality that sets them apart. They would never dare to be original. To be extra-ordinary. They are terrified of being outside the embraces of societies standards of normalcy. They are too insecure and too frightened of being a lone. That’s the burden of being a leader, being original. You are alone and chastised by everyone in the outside world. There will be some who will tell you they too relate to the struggle but their lives lack the burdens that the responsibility of being a leader carries. They prefer to slide back into the shadows. Why? They don’t know where they’re going or why. If they gave it some thought and ask themselves what price they’d pay for the pains of rejection they’d decline and go back to the security of knowing nothing they did would be criticized and reprimanded because they’re all the same.

I live behind glass. These eyes are the windows of my soul. I hear noises coming from the walls of my ears. My senses provide me with enough raw material to deduce my own style of thinking. I am not a mirror that reflects the behaviors of the automatons that surround me. They are all mirroring each other. When I say that we have free will the concept is so foreign they don’t know how to assimilate the idea into being. What they do is reinforce the false notion that they actually think for themselves and further justify their ignorance instead of break free from it. Its a dangerous world. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing<-(pope)

I pity the people around me. There are few whose eyes shine forth ingenuity and the innocent hope of braving new frontiers within their heart and mind.

I walk around programmed. I program myself, like most others, and I do my best not to think myself into a fit of insanity. I forget that I constantly need to recalibrate myself according to the ever changing circumstances. What I do got me where I am. If I want to go anywhere else I need to change what I do, else I stay the same.

My life is a brilliant song I'm striving to compose. I carefully search for the most beautiful notes to render the most awing performance of genius when it's my chance to perform and all eyes are watching. I don't want to resemble anyone else.

One thought on “friend is a four letter word”

  1. Hey Mike. Chris Mead.
    Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices, but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence and fulfills the duty to express the results of his thought in clear form.
    Albert Einstein, quoted in New York Times, March 19, 1940
    Found this journal stumbling past your facebook today. I read a good deal of it. I noticed a long time ago you had a unique charactaristic I couldn’t put my finger on. I saw one day on your favorite books some time ago Coveys 7 Habits. I read that and it changed my perspective on life and I’ve been on a similar always changing path since that’s so separate from anything I did before. I can’t say how long it would take me, if ever to have that initial paradigm shift if it weren’t for that. I like your way of describing it in levels of clarity and the next always disproving the former time and time again. You would like some of Bruce Lee’s writings. What little there are available. John Little made some volumes on his life and Jeet Kune Do, and they comprise most of what’s available. Tom Culler turned me onto that. The application of the principles of JKD to every day life are everywhere. Some favorites being all his theories on adapting, as well as his extensive research methods. Hardly, if anyone with any kind of similar background to his in Kung Fu would have taken any styling ques or methods from western boxing.
    Anyhow. It was nice to read some of these, and to get informed about some things as well. I like it. I’ll check back here and there. Also this is sort of a thank you while I’m on the topic. It was late 2006 back then I believe when I similarly stumbled on your Facebook. I paused long enough to take note of just that one book, and just that was like a launching pad into all types of a new world. It has made me feel crazy at times. But it’s accomplished things at work and elsewhere, often through adversity. It feels good in the end. Whatever ‘it’ is. Fact of the matter is I’ve recognized reading that book as a turning point. I wasn’t depressed before, but I was never really happy. And it was a turning point.
    I can remember it setting off in my head… Christopher, you have scored in the 98/99 percentile on tests you’ve taken your whole life. Every test you’ve ever taken, SATs, gifted program whatever says in so many words your opinion, discernment, deduction, reasoning, logic ability etc. is better than the good majority of people out there. So why are you letting so many people think and make decisions for you about how life is supposed to go and where you go and what you do after high school. ‘
    It’s very hard at that point as well because you have to put total faith in yourself as being right about these thoughts and the others which FAR outnumber you as wrong. But every time I come across the writings of people I respect, the concensus is the same as Mr. Alberts above. I put faith in that and myself and insecurities disappear and the happiness is always around. you find yourself sharing with others too. There’s more of the revelations I can share, but they’re more of confirmations as I’m sure you’ve most probably had them.
    Anyhow. I used to have one of these but I don’t remember the info. Keep it touch on Facebook or e-mail me.
    Take care man.

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