fat sleep

I need sleep. I’m a virtual zombie. For some reason I’ve been undermining my convictions. I don’t necessarily mean my morals or things of that nature. I’m referring to the conviction to do the right thing when I know I should… like.. going to bed EARLY… instead of aimlessly wasting time..like.. studying when I have a free hour instead of playing guitar… like… putting a little extra effort into eating healthy instead of wasting time and having to eat quick on the go meals.

Days like this I just move from class to class… conversation from conversation… nodding and blinking and smiling… more or less staring off into space… staring through people. Things don’t sink in. It’s all superficial. Meaning and conversation. My professors… they just talk. I’m not listening to them. They try to be meaningful… its hallow jargon. Repetitive. I have anxiety in my chest. It gnaws. It scrapes and wrestles around inside me. It makes my legs and toes twist and stretch.

Fat kids. Gosh. lots of fat kids. All around me. I see them quietly munching on starchy chips… nibbling on their sweets… sloshing it down with carbonated sugar water. They have breasts… and they’re men. The women have lost their curves and developed into mis-shapely blobs… strikingly amoeba like.

Days like today make me feel like time is relative. Long long days. Classes, meetings, clubs, events, programs… 15 hours with few breaks to recollect thoughts and reflect.

A problem I have when I don’t sleep is that I don’t learn. Most learning takes place during hour REM hours of rest. I haven’t had too much of that lately. Caffeine. I’m always reluctant to indulge in stimulants. They wreck you mode. You crash. You become imbalanced. Even when I get on a routine usage of caffeine in the mornings the balance, or results when I skip this ritual is detrimental to anything productive taking place.

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

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On another note…

I’ll be visiting UPENN and NYU next week.. wed-sunday. My best friend from florida is flying up and joining me… he’s checking out villanova law school in Penn and Cardosa Law in NYC. It’s gonna be a good time catching up and hanging out. I wrote up my itineraries.. hopefully I can meet an awesome professor or two. On one of those transfer essays I need to explain why I want to transfer.. and tell about a professor i’d like to study under and why I think his work is influential… wow. Intense. Sounds like a challenge. I’m up for it.

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