its entirely too late for me to be up. I’m listening to my friends band. Laying in bed. thinking… but not really. just zoning. its 243.. i have class in a few hours… I would label this situation as unwise. I need sleep. I ignore these needs. how many other needs are being ignored?
I showed up to an importnat meeting late. A meeting i was leading. what the hell is wrong with me. I hit snooze too many times. i dreamt that i was going about my day… that i woke up… went to this meeting.. all that… only to wake up and look at my clock and realize i was late. bad feelings. I swear we can get up awefully quick if we really want to. my afterburners were on and i was out the door… wiping the sleepies out of my eyes on the way there. not a good image. not a good role model to portray.
Im lacking the motivation to just… OWN. and i want to own. I want to be the best. god. next semester im gonna need to reevaluate whether i can continue living in the apartment. as much as i love the guys… god… i need to be alone. with my thoughts.. with thoughts that are only thinking of me and whats good for me. not the thoughts of others that crowd my best intentions out of the way. i havent thought too much this semester. when i say that i mean that i haven’t thought as much as i would have liked to.
well… him.. im tired. i have many tests.
just to reiterate to myself… if you want to be the best at something… love it.. pour your heart mind and soul into it… and do it a million flippen times. its the only way to be the best. you gotta do it over and over and over and over and over again. until its so natural. until its effortless.
think.. focus.. focusing is not my forte… which is funny since.. when i get focused… i’m good at staying focused… parents and friends call it selective hearing… doctors call it hyperfocusing… whatever its called i don’t care… all i know is i get intense.. i get absorbed and all about it.
i love being all about things… passions.. etc. i love being 1000% behind something. I hate being half assed… half witted… half versed.. half as good.
bed bed bed bed!!