I know what it is that get’s under my skin. The chincey catch lines, the quotes, avatars: everything carefully chosen to reveal a disgusting production of a person. A hollow shell. A digital representation. Quotes by celebrities.
Life makes me sick, sicker than hell, and most excited and enthusiastic- all at the same time. I am a wonderful paradox. I can’t figure it out. I shouldn’t figure it out. Absurdity. God. I just don’t want to be a pathetic stranger, to myself. I hate being a duplicate. Another so called ‘individual’.
I love looking at these so called individuals… and seeing them as pathetically shallow rip-offs… only to realize that I may as well be talking about myself. I cannot let myself escape the criticism I condemn others with. It would be too hypocritical. I might fight it more than them, but I am subjected to the same influences, the same conditioning contingencies. Wahh.
NEW NOVEL. FRESH FECUND. *cry*
I am a man. Lost. More thoughts tomorrow. Maybe. I need to stir and poke myself. .what the hell am I thinking. living iwth my aunt and uncle. another week. then maryland to see jamie, then virginia to see jeff, then nashville for classes.