Update

I left my job. It was miserable. It was for subservient, non-reflective, little people with little minds. I know we need those people, but I am not one of them, and I will never sucuumb to the pressure of conforming into their roles. That is for them. Not for me.

I’ve been interviewing like a madman for the past several months, trying my best to escape my god forsaken work situation which has plagued me with unhappiness, and I have finally accepted an offer, although I still have several final interviews scheduled.

The position I will ultimately accept is titled Technical Sales Engineer, or a Field Applications Engineer, for a multi-national scientific instruments corporation based in Japan. My pay will increase astronomically, and my autonomy will be restored. Because the position involves consultative sales, my customers require that I have extensive knowledge of their industrial processes so that I can adequately provide them with our technological solutions for increasing productivity or efficiency or effectiveness, or whatever is called for. As a result, I will be moving to Chicago to undergo training for several months before being redeployed in the Nashville area.

The interview process lasted about six weeks and included phone interviews, aptitude tests, skype interviews, personality caliper tests, and finally they flew me out to their Chicago headquarters for a day long interview process which included mock product presentations that I prepped for, meetings with national and regional directors, and other interviews over video conferences. The whole process was incredibly intense and, from what I gathered, very competitive. Overall it was a quality experience that left me very impressed.

I am leaving for San Francisco at 5am this morning for another interview on Tuesday. I know I will not accept their offer because the pay wouldn’t be nearly as comparable, nor would be position as Account Executive provide me with the quality training necessary for expanding my career mobility. Additionally, the position in Cali is for inside sales. My forte lies in outside sales, specifically business to business. I’ve done cold calling, and it’s terrible, no matter how quality the product is. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it and do it better than every god damn person I work with, it’s just that I prefer to look my clients in the eye when I’m selling to them. I will be working with engineers, c-level management, and even executives to implement precision engineering solutions.

I’ll be in San Francisco for a week, so I’m thinking of doing some exploring, visiting the Redwood Forest, etc. etc. I’ll be attending Thanksgiving dinner at my close friends house, with whom I’ll be staying.

Other than that, I’m moving in a month. I’m selling all my possessions. I’m editing my life. Living minimally. I hate useless crap. All I need is my books, my clothes, and…. that’s it. Maybe a bed and a desk. I don’t need shit I don’t use. Possessions end up owning you.

My close friend and business partner are buying a home under a company we started. We’ll be mortgaging it ourselves and renting it our for more than the mortgage. We plan on purchasing around one investment property every one to two years. These properties will be owned by our company which will serve as a capital holdings or capital management group. I need to finish training and begin working before I’ll re-qualify for a mortgage, so that’ll be around 4 to 6 months. Nevertheless, we have a realtor and a mortgage broker who we’ve been working with to spot attractive investment properties and secure the right financing.

I want a woman terribly. But I have decided to let my desires smolder. I gave up porn, masturbation, and useless sex. I want to focus my energies on building my career, and investing my wealth. Women are fickle and flaky. At this point in my life I want an emotionally vapid women who simply chooses to want me. None of this wooing bullshit. I just don’t care. I haven’t the energy or the time to try and convince people I care about them. Is that hilarious? Maybe it’s simply because I don’t want to be dependent upon a woman. They’re so whimsical and, I guess I’ll use that word again, “flaky” that they can’t be trusted. I’m callous. I know. I’d love to get vulnerable with a girl. But what do they want? They want shit that I don’t care about. They want to be fed lies. To be swooned, to be begged, to be doted on. I just want to love and care and provide for a woman. That’s it. No tricks. And just be faithful.

I want to be wedded to my work. Some people choose hobbies, like snowboarding, like kayaking, like sky diving, bowling, surfing, rock climbing. They choose these professions or past times because they identify with the cool factor, the risk and rush. Well, dominating at work provides me with that same risk and rush. That is my hobby. Working and building value and creating wealth. I value experiences, sure. I love traveling. I LOVE traveling. I love culture, experiencing new people, events activities. But work yields definitive, measurable rewards that you can count. So long as character remains the steadfast mast of my mission, I will not become corrupt or misguided, but develop excellence in all of my undertakings.

I am delusional with women. Yes, women. I hark on them once again. They are the nebulous drive that incites me into ecstatic fury. They light my desires ablaze. Nothing motivates me more than women. Yet, I refrain from reaching out and grabbing hold, lest I burn. I prefer to admire from afar. To warm myself from a distance. You must not get too close to the flame.

I am working out and staying healthy, as per usual. It is a permanent feature of my life, reflective of the discipline I seek to imbue in all areas. I weigh approximately 218 lbs. My body fat has decreased to roughly 14%, from 17%. I want to drop another 4% by January, while maintaining quality muscle. I bench pressed 345 lbs twice two weeks again. I deadlifted 500 lbs once the following day. I am getting stronger. I have cut my calories to about 2,500 a day. This is about 2,500 calories less than I was consuming from September to the beginning of November. I decided I needed to cut, that my peak of 225 lbs was too drastic and left me feeling too large and awkward. My waist has shrunk accordingly.

Other than that, I will be preparing for my new job. I plan on spending a week in Florida visiting my family and some friends. In addition, I plan on traveling to NYC and seeing a few friends I’ve been promising to visit there.

I haven’t been reading nearly as much as I should. Writing has been on the back burner. Not sure why I’ve been neglecting these activities as long and as much as I have. I suppose it’s just overwhelming to think about everything all the time. My life has increased its lucidity since I ceased my perpetual reflections. The labyrinth of never ending questions has trailed off, and I find myself living more animalistic, more content, more base than ever before. My circumstances have not deterred me from dreaming, however, and I am building my dreams more and more every day.

I plan on undertaking more hobbies. I’d like to choose some sophisticated past times to ameliorate the mind. These may include working on pleasurable pursuits in finance, or they may include something like scotch tastings, motorbike racing, or simply golf.

Anyway. I’d love to meet a woman and find a life with her. I’m more ready than ever before. But it won’t be with just anyone. It must be perfect and right. Until then, and for as long as it takes, I will remain focused on building my own life, preparing it for my future family.

I love you all.