I’m on lsd. I’m on the cruise. I’m in my room. I took 1 hit of last at 8am. or actually about 1/3 at 8am, then 2/3 at 9am. I’ve been in my room since. I read a lot on my computer. And I watched a lot of news. And I’ve been introspective. I need to go and explore. It’ 1:05pm.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m going mad. I am not sure what to believe. I’m not sure about anything.
I’ve been having digestive issues, but I haven’t decided if that’s because of the time change, my lack of working out, the alcohol consumption or what.
My sisters are pleasant as usual. I enjoy them. I love my family.
I was reading through digital documents on my laptop. I’m not so sure if that’s a good thing, but darkness has been a very persistent theme in my writings from a very young age. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. I wish I didn’t have those feelings. And I’m not sure why. I’m not sure who to blame. Do I blame my parents? The ones who are taking us on this cruise? Do I just forget it all? The problems? Were they larger than I was making them out to be? I don’t think so.
I wish I knew why I felt that bad. I wish I knew more about the dynamics between my parents and me. And what was going on in my fathers inner world, as well as my mothers. To this day I do not know. But it haunts them. I know this.