Con Fess

As an honest confession, I have the lowest opinion of myself and my abilities. Fully embracing this reality is depressing, and debilitating, and even life threatening, and it’s a poor reflection of my faith in humanity more generally, so I opt for the other extreme, and exercise a zealous faith in humanity and others, in the potential and possibility that lies dormant in every spirit, and do my best to act as if the struggle was won, and a more purified sense of self has been achieved, but the existential conflict remains, and the degrading opinions persist to peck at my weary worth.

“But your too hard on yourself! Look at all you’ve done! You’re expectations are too great!”

Cognitively this all makes sense, but it’s a spiritual depression. Transcending it with lofty ambitions is a temporary salve. When I come back to earth, and I am alone, and reflect on who I am, and who I want to be, and observe the abysmal gulf between the two, there’s no amount of therapy or achievement that can make up for it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: