The Goal of Living

It’s amazing what humans do when they’re desperate. We overcome all kinds of obstacles and challenges, out of necessity (who is the mother of invention).

“Don’t desire for life to be easier. Desire for you to be stronger.”

I repeat this to myself always.

It’s one of the most profound paradigms.

Most people want life easier.

That’s how they try to make themselves: comfortable, convenient, easy

I mean, it’s my human nature

But to remind yourself that you may bend, but you will never break, is the key

Focus on building strength, not ease

And ideals and dreams will manifest accordingly

No shortcuts to growth

That’s one of the things I struggle with… when I’m around people who want “easy”. It’s a pet peeve. It’s lazy. I get it. I do it. But then I remind myself:

Life is not fair.

Life is not easy.

Life doesn’t give a shit about me and my feelings.

People don’t care about my success.

The world owes me nothing.

Life is hard…

Be harder.

I’m no victim.

I don’t settle for the circumstance that I’ve been given.

I make them.

I am a world builder.

No one else is responsible for manifesting my dreams, for creating my world, my future.

I alone am the captain of my destiny, the master of my fate.

Strength of character is always the aim.

Success doesn’t matter. Value matters.

What is the goal in life?

Add value.

Create value.

For who?

Others. Not me.

The people with the greatest responsibilities have the greatest power.

It’s a law of nature.

You increase responsibility by accepting that life is difficult, and the only way to make it easier, is to get better.

The more responsibility I assume for my life, my work, achieving my goals, and adding value to those around me…

The more responsibility is given to me, and the more power, the more influence, the more money, the more status.

Leaders take responsibility.

They take it.

They first start with their own life.

Then they expand their sphere of responsibility, even if it means doing work that’s not obviously their responsibility.

You’re not alone. I’m not alone. Our generation is entitled. Our parents made it easy. Silver spoons.

There’s a test I give myself when I need to make a decision about what to do.

What do I want/ need to do?

What course of action can make this happen?

Which action do I not want to do?

Which actions scares me, intimidated me, terrifies me?

That is the path.

The obstacle is the way.

To personal growth, professional growth, spiritual growth, physical growth.

The thing you don’t want to do is what you need to do.

Whatever you avoid, is the answer.

Go through. Not around.

There are no shortcuts to self mastery.

I’m very isolated, my friends.

But, I am very focused.

I’m growing.

I’m building.

I’m learning, becoming more capable.

Everyone needs to choose their goals.

I think there’s nothing more rewarding that personal growth.

I also think that in time, this will manifest the other ideals.

I am not my job.

I am the value I bring to the world.

Jobs change.

My ability to create and add value will determine my success in life.

I believe that balance is achievable.

I haven’t found many people who have struck that stoic balance, but I know one day I will, by becoming the best version of myself.

These people find each other.

Romantically, professionally, etc.

Like attracts like, for better or worse. Birds of a feather flock together. Water always finds a stream.

It’s painful at times to be so isolated. But I tell me this pain and struggle is what shapes character, it’s what molds by being.

Life is not easy. There is a burden to bear. Sacrifices must be made.

Whoever believes otherwise is believing a lie they’ve been fed, or are feeding themselves.

You cannot hold onto the old while reaching to grasp the new. You must let go of attachments, shed the delusions chaining you down, the mirages you fixate and forever chase.

But I think of my future family. The person I need to be for them one day.

I think our generation was raised to expect easy. It’s ruined the work ethic and character of the generation. We depend on others to provide, support, enable.

I’m apart of this generation. But I refuse to settle and be a victim

I have my personal faith. It’s a real thing to me.

It’s not religious, but its something I real, something I need. Call it prayer, meditation, reflection. Call it spiritual alignment. It is necessary to reinforce faith.


Faith in your dreams. In your potential. In possibility.

Faith that you may not know the way, but there is a way, despite all the perceived obstacles and challenges

Where there is a will, with Faith, there is a way.

I have faith that the universe will conspire to manifest whatever I devote my being to

Wherever the attention flows, the energy goes

I don’t worry. Sometimes I feel bad for myself. Get negative. Critical. Feel like woe is me. But that’s just being weak, and not practicing faith.

Faith is crucial.

There is a universal energy. We are all connected. Tapping into that requires faith, requires being open, humble, dedicated, focused on the higher purpose, the ideals, the dreams, the good yet made manifest.

Activity must follow faith. It reinforces faith. Like a feedback loop

The world will suck you dry.

Most “friends” don’t care about your success. They care about what you can do for them. Most people leech off others. Find people to enable bad habits, or mindless distractions

You are the company you keep. No better, no worse.

You become the company you keep. For better, for worse.

It’s a law.

I’d rather have no friends than pleasant distractions to delude myself.

I’m not above this. I am human.

The best friends lead each other.

They know the way, they go the way, they show the way.

They lead by example.

They practice what they preach.

I try to gravitate towards these people.

Watching them, reading about these personalities, provides a framework that inspires me to take more responsibility for my life, and leaves nothing to chance.

Life is seasonal. There are ups and downs.

The downs are necessary teachers. The struggle is when we learn. If we avoid the struggle, we forfeit the lessons.

When we embrace the struggle, and acknowledge our suffering, our emptiness, we may cry and wrench in pain (I have cried and still cry) and life becomes hell. A depressing pit.

But this creates a bottom. You open your eyes. You see where you are at.

After you’re done crying and feeling sorry for yourself, after your done with the mindless distractions of booze and drugs and whatever other million activities you distract yourself with, and you allow yourself to be still, and allow the demons to descend upon you, and torture you… make you wish you were dead. Curse god, your parents, your friends.

After this. You can begin waking up.

You can slowly undergo a renaissance, a rebirth.

Once you begin to embrace circumstance, instead of resent or repress or run. You can begin looking at them closely.

At the bottom of the abyss there is a floor.

It only appears when you stop flailing and open your eyes.

When you get up.

When you fixate your eyes on what’s above, the dreams and ideals and hard truths in between.

Only then can you begin to climb out of the sorry state and begin flourishing.

And I guess we can ask ourselves what the “point” of it all is.

What’s the end goal? Money? Status? Influence? Fame? Attention?

I think there is no point.

It’s a spiritual journey of learning to overcome ourselves.

The goal is learning to create and add value to the world.

This requires a faith, I believe.

Do I feel darker here than I did in nashville?

Hm yes, I think so. I know so.

Nashville was rough at times, especially with D my ex.

Bodybuilding was a therapeutic escape that kept me stable.

But I gave that up, because I felt like it became a coping mechanism

It was a personal realization, that I was using bodybuilding as an excuse to avoid hard truths and harsh realities. Nothing wrong with fitness. And it started out as pure balanced wellness. But it became a crutch to avoid other things.

Being alone, practicing stillness, allowing myself to just be. It’s hard.

Bodybuilding or any fitness activity can keep you busy 24/7 between training and planning and eating and cooking etc. it’s an easy way to escape

But I made the conscious decision to stop, and see what happened. Stop distracting myself. What’s the end goal here? What do I want? What am I running from?

Working with Scott was hard. But I enjoyed the experience. I learned a lot. About business. About people. About what I don’t want. There were hard lessons, but they provided me valuable opportunities to learn.

But it wasn’t until I stopped working out (a couple months before I left my last job) that the darkness descended. I didn’t have my binkie. My blankie. My coping therapy.

I contemplated suicide continuously last year.

There was ups and downs. I wrestled with myself, existence. Meaning. I drank a lot. I ate unhealthy. I smoked a lot. I think even my relationship with my ex allowed me to cope, and provided a distraction.

But slowly I began having an internal transformation. Like the one I just described.

Started asking myself what’s really important. What I really want. And what’s stopping me from getting it.

I stopped wishing for different circumstances. Stopped wondering if my current job was the right fit (cause god knows the job is not easy, and there are a lot of problems, but this is the case in every situation. All problems are my problems, and I cannot outrun myself)

I began accepting circumstances.

I stopped wishing for things to be different and began reflecting on ways I could be different.

My attitude, on a deep level.

I began to accept responsibility for more and more things.

At work. In my relationship with my ex. With myself and my habits.

(And I’m in no way saying I’m free from struggle or vices)

But I began focusing on what I can change, what I can control.

I decided to take classes. I decided to stop being critical. Stop complaining or wishing people or colleagues were different. (It’s still a work in progress, always).

But things started to become clearer. There is a clarity.

I’m still isolated, but I’m happy. I have purpose. I work very very hard.

Instead of wishing for things to be different, I decided to be different.

Learn whatever I needed to.

I have my goals.

I think that this will build and other areas of my life will organize as I focus on the most important things.

Isolation is hard, but necessary.

I think isolation, learning to be with ourselves, can be so instructive, if we allow ourselves to be still, and embrace the moment, the present set of circumstances, and stop desiring to be somewhere else.

I think that’s the aim of proper meditation— prayer, reflection. Whatever you want to call it. It’s a personal intimate moment with yourself to listen to your energy, to feelings, to angst, anxiety, fears, desires. Whatever.

The world is filled with distractions that distort our present moment. That hijack our ability to be still. To be calm. To reflect.

To listen.

“Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened.”

I believe this only works when our soul, our inner consciousness, is free from self/imposed distractions and obligations and expectations.

We just submit to the universe. Lay our dreams at the feet of the cosmos, and submit to that eternal energy. Listen, connect with it, and allow it to guide us.

We are more powerful than we can ever imagine.

But we need to get out of our own way.

We are more capable than we can dream.

Just because we can’t see a better vision, just because we can imagine another possibility, doesn’t mean it’s not waiting for us to realize.

But that requires that we get out of the way. We release the grip of ego. We say I don’t know. We stop rationalizing. We stop doubting. We stop thinking we know best.

We submit humbly, and we put our faith in higher truths, in the cosmic energy, that fabric of interconnectedness that empowers all who listen, and we act accordingly

The thing is, life is now rather easy. Ironically.

I may work 8-16 hours a day sometimes. I may work 12 hour weekends. But it’s not work.

It’s flow.

There is no resistance.

I am doing exactly what I want to be doing.

Not to avoid.

But because it’s my purpose. My sole responsibility is to add value to everyone in my life, towards the things that i am immediately responsive for, specifically my work. But it’s personal growth. It’s self education. It’s learning what I need to do to be more valuable.

Learning is not a chore. Working is not a chore.

It’s my duty, it’s my responsibility. A lot hinges on it. But it’s mine. It’s my plot of land, the area of the world that I’m responsible for.

I’m also not worried about the future. I may be at my current employer for 20+ years, continuously growing and accumulating responsibility. Or I may outgrow the company, and through my development and growth, another opportunity may arise that I’ll be prepared for, that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

All I know is that I am at peace with where I am. Growth. Personal investments.

Listening and acknowledging and embracing any areas of discomfort or pain points, and doing whatever i need to assume responsibility for making changes.

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