babbling about women

Women. I have this thing. I want the best. As it pertains to a Woman who’s the best well… she’s gotta want the best. Not superficially. I’m talking about ideally. Ideals like wanting to live the most fulfilling enjoyable life possible. Someone who realizes the control that we have over our thoughts and actions to bring us to our every circumstance. Actions that shape our character and circumstances that shape our destiny. I want a woman who is it. Inside and out. It may be a bit lofty but then again you get what you ask for- and I refuse to settle for anything less than what I see is achievable. I will never settle for the bare minimum.

 I’ve personally found it a waste of time to pursue the majority of women out there. Its a waste of time. Most of the women my age are just getting out of the hormonal thing. They’re just figuring out what they want- some never figure it out, some of them decide to settle for mediocrity, and some.. a very few.. aim high and don’t give much thought to anyone who’s not looking in the same direction. Women are usually a waste of time. I love women, I have many girlfriends and all that- but the good ones are seriously… rarely to be seen. And i personally could spend an awful long time looking when i could be getting my career on so when I do find her- I can give her everything and she’ll be like, “Now this is the kinda man I’ve been looking for”. I don’t like wasting my feelings or thoughts or any of that stuff when I could be directing them to get me where I want to be.

Some people would like to say that I need to explore and maybe their right. I’ve been told more often than not that you find the woman when you aren’t looking at all. I believe that. Some people think I’m afraid of being hurt, or afraid of opening up and exposing myself.  Those are plausible theories but I don’t think that I’m ready to buy into any of them. I’m very aware that the next few years are important in jetisoning me into the direction for success. I don’t have the time or energy for flakes. Love would be nice but I’m not ready for it and I can wait.

As far as women go, I don’t want just any woman. I want an intelligent woman who knows how to carry herself, who’s humble and knows as much as I do that any of the blessings accumulated could be gone at any second and we wouldn’t be any better off than anyone else.  You know.. all that good stuff… a creative thinker who’s chique and sassy and fun loving and easygoing and has naturally alluring sex appeal. Who’s a hard worker and committed. Who’s loving and thoughtful.

Actually… the biggest problem I have is finding a girl I’m actually sexually attracted to. Not in the way that I wanna dry hump their leg like most guys would do- but as it pertains to the chemistry between two people. Where, if I’m standing in the same room as her, I can feel her heart beating with mine. and I want to be with her, around her, and she makes my heart skip and jump and it’s effortless cause I wanna be with her and she wants me and there really aren’t too many other questions that need to be answered. Now that… that’s what I want. but she’s gotta be smart. I’ve had girls where the chemistry thing was good but man… when they opened their mouth I felt like they were dumbing me down every time i listened. I’m not trying to be rude or anything- it’s a true of the matter. so yea. life. school.

bed.

waves

man oh man. i am feeling interesting right now. i told myself a few years ago that I’d never let my feelings dictate how i live my life. i dont know how much of that is true. I am searching for a passion that appeals to my logic and my feelings. I always stray from emotional discourse pertaining to my life. I dwell on it in my inner cavities and it fumigates deep in my heart but i’d never let it make me who i am. I prefer the solitary reliance on hearty logic that weaves itsr way into my agenda. Feelings make me feel alive though. This is a huge paradox that i live in. For years i was a victim to my feelings. How i felt dictated life at any given time. There was no logic involved really. flawed logic like ” If i feel great, life is great… is it not?” or if i felt bad, life was bad. but no. life is good no matter what. as long as you’re actions support the belief that life is good then no matter what you feel you should know life is good. and good thoughts bread good feelings… do they not? it is easy to think bad thought when your hormones and biochemicals communicate differently… but a single thought can bread the best of feelings from those neurotransmitters. anyway. Logic.
Reason.

A woman. I dream about feelings. I dont like letting feelings interrupt a logically constructed existence. Feelings go contrary to my logic far too often. I love her. Then chase her mike. It would hinder your plan for success. alright. i wont. maybe it’s never been worth it. maybe not.Chase her mike. She won’t appreciate the sacrifice. Its not about you mike its about her. well who’s gonna think about me then? she’s not thinking of me. what if she is? its never ideal. Feelings are never Ideal. Feelings are never logically based. How i wished they were. A perfect relationship would be a logically orchestrated symphony of emotional discharge. Does that paint the picture? maybe it sounds too logical. A beautifully woven sea of harmonious understandings of love. nope. its never that mutual. The best of the relationships may touch on those magnificent waves but they never stay on those crests so close to heaven. eventually you come down and the wave beats its ferocity and power against the bow which weakens the heart and causes a change in course. Its a delicate balance of risking trust to feel.

Linear.