———

I’m getting depressed. It’s been pretty cold, and gray, and raining the past week. On Saturday I went snowboarding. That was fun. The weather was exceptional. Freezing cross winds were made up by the plentiful sunshine.

Now when I say depressed it means different things to me at different times. Im trying to rationalize this stint of discontent and apathy. Depression to me is not feeling sad, but feeling nothing. I don’t get depressed when I’m sad. I get depressed when I cease feeling. I would rather feel bad than not feel at all. I feel like I’m being stifled. I feel like the people, the environment, and my thoughts are imprisoning my feelings. I tried doing homework yesterday. It was a failure. I’ll finish it today. Pop some aderall and stick my head in the books. Where’s my drive? Where’s my passion? It’s so vague. I want it overflowing into every crevasse of my life. It’s no where to be seen. Plain. Old.

These pathetic people. Everyone believes whatever the fuck they wanna believe. These people all around me. It doesn’t even matter what truth of reality awaits them. I feel trapped and suffocated. gr. I don’t even know what to think or feel. I’m getting some food.

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