waves

man oh man. i am feeling interesting right now. i told myself a few years ago that I’d never let my feelings dictate how i live my life. i dont know how much of that is true. I am searching for a passion that appeals to my logic and my feelings. I always stray from emotional discourse pertaining to my life. I dwell on it in my inner cavities and it fumigates deep in my heart but i’d never let it make me who i am. I prefer the solitary reliance on hearty logic that weaves itsr way into my agenda. Feelings make me feel alive though. This is a huge paradox that i live in. For years i was a victim to my feelings. How i felt dictated life at any given time. There was no logic involved really. flawed logic like ” If i feel great, life is great… is it not?” or if i felt bad, life was bad. but no. life is good no matter what. as long as you’re actions support the belief that life is good then no matter what you feel you should know life is good. and good thoughts bread good feelings… do they not? it is easy to think bad thought when your hormones and biochemicals communicate differently… but a single thought can bread the best of feelings from those neurotransmitters. anyway. Logic.
Reason.

A woman. I dream about feelings. I dont like letting feelings interrupt a logically constructed existence. Feelings go contrary to my logic far too often. I love her. Then chase her mike. It would hinder your plan for success. alright. i wont. maybe it’s never been worth it. maybe not.Chase her mike. She won’t appreciate the sacrifice. Its not about you mike its about her. well who’s gonna think about me then? she’s not thinking of me. what if she is? its never ideal. Feelings are never Ideal. Feelings are never logically based. How i wished they were. A perfect relationship would be a logically orchestrated symphony of emotional discharge. Does that paint the picture? maybe it sounds too logical. A beautifully woven sea of harmonious understandings of love. nope. its never that mutual. The best of the relationships may touch on those magnificent waves but they never stay on those crests so close to heaven. eventually you come down and the wave beats its ferocity and power against the bow which weakens the heart and causes a change in course. Its a delicate balance of risking trust to feel.

Linear.

my unicorn

I want new. I can’t wait to love again. I’ve tasted it. I’ll never forget the taste. I’ll never give up till I taste it again. Whatever it takes. as long as it’s with that person who is everything i could ask for and more. Someone that i wouldn’t mind taking on the worst they have to offer, just to taste the best another day. I would put up with it. Isn’t that love? even when they say no more and walk away… I won’t chase. but they’ll know exactly where they left me if they ever search to remember. Love, even if its with someone you’ve seen everyday, is something you’ll never get tired of. It makes life better. it gives it meaning. It makes it exciting and fresh. It invokes those feelings of childishness and curiosity. senseless enjoyment. wasting time… but its with them and they’re in your arms… and you wouldn’t trade that time for any amount of anything. ah. you know. dates. going anywhere with them because anywhere with them is new and always exciting. there is never a dull moment.you could figure them out forever. I just want a girl who’s never done finding herself. I dont ever want a girl who thinks she’s done growing as a person. she needs to be thinking and weighing and looking for meaning all the time. it makes it so much fun to be with someone who i am always getting to know as they continually get to know their full potential. and i cant wait to find a woman who i can encourage. and give my all to. to help her achieve her amazing potential. i would give my everything to see her achieve her desire and bask in the accomplishment. just to catch a glimpse of those smiling eyes and be in the presence of the warm glow of happiness she emanates. i would give my everything to her. to foster her. to love her. to encourage her. i would love to be crazy with her. ridiculously free and happy. id love to sit on our porch overlooking weathered ocean dunes and witness the heavenly surge of ocean waters creep towards us… as every crashing wave dissolves its form and sound into the atmosphere. to hold hands. just to touch. to feel our souls touch from across the room when i catch her eye. she’ll be my unicorn… but she’ll be mine.

i dunnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo