Category: Uncategorized

I love life. I am not ashamed of any of my actions. I am transparent. Anything I do or say must complement and reinforce my philosophies. I want goodness. I love being positive. Not positive in the sense of being overwhelmed by emotional jubilee or fanatically ecstatic. I’m talking in the sense that anything is possible. ANYTHING. and I’m not talking about being unrealistic. I mean that: if you want something bad and the desire is strong enough and you set your mind to finish it and accomplish it through unwaivering perseverance and determination, you will be able to see it out until it’s achieved.

I don’t care so much about fame. I want to be influential. I want to be humble and willing. I don’t push for the credit. I am one person and alone I can’t do much. I want the credit to go where it’s deserved. I want to be a leader. Someone who is responsible for holding a worthy vision for those to follow. Something worthwhile and admirable. Fulfilling and satisfying. Maybe challenging, maybe uncomfortable, maybe painful- but rewarding beyond comprehension. I want to share that vision and invigorate the people around me to accomplish those ideals, goals, and successes.

I don’t believe so much in management. Management is showing or telling people what to do and how to do things in order to accomplish. I want to be a leader. Someone who gives people a reason so they are empowered with their own drive and motivation. It becomes something of intrinsic value to them and propels them to grow as a person and overcome anything in thier way. Managers are those raised by society to dictate. Naturally, they don’t foster creativity or freedom. They enforce guidelines and expectations. They were introduced by the system to dictate the wills of others in power.

As a leader you share with people a vision that will benefit anyone involved. Anyone who realizes the significance of this vision is inspired to put energy forth to materialize the ideal. Leaders know the way, show the way, and go the way. Others see the fulfillment involved and they learn whatever they have to to travel down that path. Leaders are steadfast. They are listeners and they care about those around them. They understand pain, struggle, and heartache. They desire and encourage those around them to rise above these trivial experiences that are inevitable and oh so common in life, and to focus on the goal. Focus on the ideal. The elevated vision of what life can be like if you actually did whatever it took to take you from where you are and improve your life. To bring you to a place of accomplishment. To bask in the feelings of achievement. Of overcoming obstacles and challenges that seemed so daunting. But you rose above. The leader accepts the responsibility for instilling that vision accurately in the hearts and minds of those around him and refining it to the precious state it was meant to be. The leader is responsible for sharing it with other. For living it out himself. In the face of adversity. Of judgment. Of negativity. Of criticism. The leader bears the weight of all the doubt and worry. Of all the why-not’s.

I want to be a leader. Leaders don’t have all the answers- BUT… But… they know the people who have the answers and they get them to work together. They know what the goal is- they know what is needed- and they think about the good of those around them. They contribute not for the improvement of short-termed reality- but for the long term wellness of everyone.

I want to be a leader. Someone people can look to who can provide them with comfort and reassurance. Hope and inspiration. I want to be a person who is not at the center of attention. No. I do not want the glory. I do not lavish praise or celebratory cheers. I want to be in the back room thanking God for his strength and love and faithful and blessing. I want to give the credit to the hard work of the people around me. Those who were reliable and faithful to the vision they put their personal time and energy into without knowing it would succeed.

I want to pursue excellence in every task. I know there is a right way to do everything. Knowing I wasn’t born into that way of thinking I find it my responsibility to invest in myself every piece of wisdom and knowledge I could add to my arsenal of understanding in order to achieve my full potential and understanding.

I don’t want knowledge. I want wisdom. Wisdom is knowing when to use what knowledge in order tp produce the best decision that would lead to the best outcome. But even wisdom is useless if its for my own wants and needs. I want to align myself to perfect will. To a perfect plan. Specifically to God’s perfect will and plan. I want to be going in that direction.

Wisdom:
#1 The ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight.
#2 Common sense; good judgment: “It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things”

Knowledge:
1. Acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles, as from study or investigation; general erudition: knowledge of many things.
2. Familiarity or conversance, as with a particular subject or branch of learning: A knowledge of accounting was necessary for the job.
3. Acquaintance or familiarity gained by sight, experience, or report: a knowledge of human nature.

Leaders.
I want to pave that path. Go into the unknown. Envision what ‘can be’ through the application of right principles and unchanging values. And have faith that these things will bring me to a better place. and they will. Right truths, values and principles.

I want to learn them. They will help me make decisions that will benefit anyone and everyone I come in contact with.

Jensen’s view on hope is totally shortsighted and unfounded. I think he degrades one of the most important qualities of life by downplaying the significance of hope. Even more so is his stance that it is indeed a negative thing. Hope? How do we live without hope? I understand where he is coming from, but it’s an unintelligent, ignorant stance. I agree that people at times rely solely on hope like its luck. Like hoping and wishing and waiting will change anything. I understand people step out of responsibility and discard accountability in the name of hoping. But hope is made an effigy, something pure that shouldn’t be tainted.

Hope is a pure thing. Hope is this:
When you understand the positive principles and values in life, by your own experience or through the experiences of others, you can accurately predict the outcomes of these positive sustained efforts. Hope is that one day you will see that you’re efforts will be rewarded like you know they should be. Because, like a seed that you water and prune every day of your life as you toil in the elements, anything positive towards a worthy ideal or cause will bring forth fruit, or desired results.

Hope is that prediction. Faith is a separate animal. Faith is seeing without believing. Faith is on a larger scale, a more profound philosophy than hope. You might say one cannot have hope without faith, but then again you cannot have faith and not have hope. Hope reliance, or understanding, or predicting the outcomes of applied principles towards a worthy ideal. Hope in intangible, residing inherently in the heart of a man. Man without hope is dead. The walking dead.

Saying that hope inhibits action is pinning the accountability to the wrong sinner. To say that hope is something that enables man and his destruction to continue is short sighted and I wouldn’t give the notion the man stated any more of a thought.

Hope springs out of accepting responsibility. When you realize your responsibility and the effect, cause, or change you can have towards your intent or desire, you will be empowered. No hope simply disregards the reality of future fruits of your efforts.

There is also false hope. False hope is just as negative that not having hope at all. t’s just what it says. Its false. It’s a lie. It is not recognizing the situation or the reality and lying to yourself to get by. Once again this is an attempt to escape responsibility

Fate? Fate is the belief that what is is, and what will be will be and nothing we can do or say will make any difference. Fate is placing the responsibility of your life to outside, external circumstances and stimulus. No. I do not believe in fate. Fate is another word for destiny. Is it not? And destiny, at its root, means destination. (destin-). We choose our destiny whether we decide to give it thought or not. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. You choose your actions because of free will and free choice. Our imagination allows us to envision where our collective efforts will lead us: to predict our actions. To think otherwise is simply trying to escape accountability and responsibility. When we realize the freedom to act one our individual desires, wants, needs, only then can be begin to truly live life for ourselves. People fail to do this when they conform. 90% of the people in this world are followers. They are unimaginative and drifting past the possibilities and opportunities that pierce the heart and transcend human experience.

I hated school ever since I was young.

I want something so eye catching is spurs everyone to believe. Everyone to partake. I want a life so full of curiosity and answers, joy and adventure that everyone wants apart of it. I want something that everyone wants. I want to have that. I want to be envied. To have people fight over that dream. I want everyone, no matter if they want it or not, to feel something when they talk to me, when they see my life, my actions. I want them to feel a certain something. Even as my hands travel over this electric plastic machine I call a computer. I am translating my feelings without a thought to an interface that records my animate feelings. I am so far removed from any of this electric stimulus. I wish I could capture your heart. If you were here right now I would. I would touch your face. I would look deep in your ryes. And I would mouth those words. No matter. I am slightly bruised. Definitely intoxicated and all I find myself wondering is what will tomorrow bring. I’ll go to sleep tonight peacefully, open a book before I drift, and read the words of Rousseau. Sick and lost. Just like all the rest. All the writers. All the philosophers. They are lost and drifting. An assimilation of their remote, narrowed experiences. Sleep with that man. He makes you feel that way. He makes you wet. That’s not genuine. That’s not becoming. He’s intelligent. That’s bullshit. He’s a senile atheist just like you. Which is why you warm so closely…. I ramble and ramble and ramble and

WE were all crazy. sitting in circles. in a deep semicircle tube that held us and our little projects. the ones we held in our minds. we work on them when our thoughts are idle.
There were elevators. They brought us up and down and sideways. We jumped on to explore but we were never allowed to leave. There were yards, and even pools for swimming. There were lockers. Rows of wooden lockers. We were herded and kept on video for the most part. They watched us. Conflicts would arise once and while.
I was approached by a boy. He told me in the shyest, the most obvious- the most painfully direct, indirect way- that he did not like me talking to her. His girl. She initiated me. He didn’t want to be the bad guy- but he didn’t like me talking to her.
The pools were blue and shallow- so we wouldn’t drown. I hid my food in the lockers. Rain always leaked through- Sopping everything. My laptop was my only connection the the outside world. I didn’t like living through a machine.
The yards were dangerous. It was always a spectacle watching the others maneuver their way around the dogs and up the ladders, perching themselves on little roof peaks, while the canines foamed below.
I was more concerned with the military operations. They were upstairs, a few stories above the shared group area. The faces were blurred. Group times happened to be the happiest and most nauseating times. They were always controlled by those taller women with powerful voices. Eclectic. Crazy with power. but we were crazy. it was a sick operation. we slept and filled out forms all day long. I was tired and the talk was cheap. it was redundant. the people here were crazy. they were crazy. not me. i was the only sane one.
I decided i had enough. I filled out my papers. With brutal accuracy and speed and as much as i thought it would matter today… as I slowed toward the end… i realized it didnt. No. this was a sick game of perfection. I played the game though. i decided to go to the courts. The second floor after my nap. I walked into the room with its shallow wooden ceilings. It was a small room. The judge examined papers in the front. there were all types of people. people painting. Some with their designer European or Japanese clothes. Others ragged and bland, standing with with hands on their hips. they watched others as we watched them.
I remembered earlier that day. We were washing the boat and I was finishing my forms- I was committed to going home. The bastards kept making noise. Never the friendly ones. and no… it was never their fault. They always escaped the blame. Their obnoxious distracting mannerisms. i flipped out. once. twice. three times. throwing the wooden chair across the deck.yelling with veins bursting and my brow panting caution. they saw the crazy in my eyes. but all i wanted was to be sane again. isn’t that enough to make a man crazy? they left me there to finish.
i walked to the front on the line only to hear them tell me i wast qualified to leave. I’ve been here for months. at first i as alright. at first i was fine. i took part in swimming, the group time, the teachers. i toyed with these plans. I was done. Someone told me of the man upstairs. in charge of the operations. one at least. we crowed into the waiting room as the elevator took us to our cubby. i wasn’t ready to go back to my wonder world of sick journal entries and standardize form filling. I asked to go up. the girl looked at me and we were up. i glanced to the left of the elevator. there was a wooden door. i want to go there. she looked at me again. pulled a key from here pocket, placed it the steal casing in from of her and turned it while pressing 8. 8 stood out. I don’t remember why.
i walked through the wooden door, grabbing its generic stainless steal handle and pulling it towards me. a carpeted room amphitheater. chairs descending down. I was up. i walked the upper level. there were flags. there was a hustle and urgency in the air. a man, balding but plenty of energy, looked at me and asked me where i was going. i explained i was here to see her. he asked me to wait and he went off. I looked around. there were flags. all countries i think. organizations maybe? im not sure. the room was large with a stage at the center. i was looking down, though not down at all at the top right corner of the room. there was a desk in front of me. i looked down. i almost missed the man. he was old. a general. fat. hairy. gray hair. ingrown hairs. a mellow tone. a kind apologetic voice. he told me his story- and mine. i wasn’t listening. i was engrossed with the details. he was no military man. the uniform said nothing but general with its gold oak leaf trimming. no insignia. it made me wonder. a family- smiling and seemingly anxious piled out of the elevator. i moved as they walked past us. they walked on the sky walk to her office. i got distracted.

i wandered into more offices. everyone in uniform. pretty blind to my presence. there were pretty people here. some anyway. they wore designer clothes. i decided to check my hygiene. i looked to the center of the room. the changing curtains were there. green and white. it housed a place to take off clothes and freshen up. there was music. i peered through the curtains. slid them shut as best i could to hide from the hustle of business activities all around me. the wind blew them open and closed but- i didnt care. i took off my shirt. i caught some eyes from behind the curtains. she said ‘take it off’ i just blushed and ignored the flirtatious play. she came up from behind me dancing. she was tall and she had a vibrant smile and curves. i got it in me to dance along. it was playful. we touched and it was genuine enjoyment. for me anyway. i had no idea who she was. i remembered that and i continued on my business.
i peered into an accounting room. I overheard converstaion. ‘whos in your office’ i looked around. it was a nut. a complete nut. uttering some insanities to himself. an old wee man. he typed away on the accounting typewriter. ‘it doesn’t matter unless you sign the form’ just then a woman peaks in and smiles. ‘oh hes fine by me. I’ll sign him’. he was a nut.
I dont remember much else. the military operations and accounting offices were spearheading this fascist operation of standardized testing at a premium rate. cashing in on our insanities. we were in control but completely out of control. i was sick of it. what is this. what is this world we live in. Maybe I wasn’t the smartest, but i knew how to get what i want. and that would take me anyway. because i got what i wanted. or so i thought.

they were crazy. we sat in circle… a semicircular tubing housing our vices and sloth vegetative state. it swung and moved like it was alive. no one was accountable for themselves. excuses were made and accepted. it was perverse and sick.

where are those dreamy lonely eyes? A crushing weight dissipates throughout my chest. my head is heavy. my mind it fuzzy. I long to sleep inside you. the white covers tucked over our head. giggling and smiling as our bodies warm together. those smiling eyes looking through blond hair-

Although it can be any number of things I find it fascinating to deal with a concept such as music. It can be interpreted any number of ways and mean any number of things. When you listen, it is not just an analog wave that travels through the air to beat upon your drum without poise. It hold’s power and meaning within those waves. These dynamics are only there if explored, and only felt if feelings are initiated. The music must hold significance to your affectionate self.

you skip a beat. look to see who else is watching. i bury my feet in the sand. lay back and throw my eyes to the sky. my limpid thoughts trickle between my memories and feelings. the sand is warm as my toes nudge further down, as my thoughts intertwine with desires and dreams.

My mind is clogged at the moment. I need to consciously enjoy myself. even then it seems like a chore. down time. where is me time? not thinking at all. i will find it.

i went out last night. went to a friends cabin. it was about a forty five minute drive north. I suppose it was a good time. I think you decide when you are having a good time. They don’t happen, and they’re not given situations. I am unsatisfied with where I’m at at this school. No offense to anyone but this is not what I want. Im not sure anyone does here tho. I want more. and im looking forward to getting more. i need some emotional stimulation. nothing shallow. I want people to peak my interest. does that happen anymore? do people ever surprise me anymore? am i chasing something too good to be true? how deep am i looking? i hate the smell of rotten beer and cigarette. i want fresh. like fresh white sheets. in a room with the windows open and white draperies flowing in the wind. my eyes are heavy. my breathing is shallow

if you are stupid, can you recognize intelligence? do stupid people recognize intelligence when they here it? or are they so ignorant that it hurts to listen?

ive been sitting in my room all day. im gonna go for a walk. its getting cold. ripping tearing slicing gnawing.

Summary of “The Newfoundland Conundrum”

“Everything was better back when everything was worse.”

In his essay “The Newfoundland Conundrum”, taken from the book “The Iambics of Newfoundland”, Robert Finch translates the experiences of an associate writer’s unique travels that left him with a very real and complex idea of finding ‘salvation’ in nature. The essay takes away the looking glass in which we perceive the world from our ‘gregarious’ and ‘technological’ lifestyles, and draws the reader to look into a seemingly uncomfortable and distant world where the people’s main source of reliance was put not on the things seen, but on things unseen, as a source of satisfaction. The direct conundrum the essay describes was due to the paradox encountered with the realization that the very technological advances we strive for (inevitably necessary and undeniably predictable in the evolution of mans race) are the very thing sapping satisfaction from life and add to our ever growing neuroses that technology makes life easier.
The essay explores the relationship these distant, ill-resourced out-ports achieved with nature and the “psyche” that enabled them to maintain an appreciation and satisfaction for life that is unusual considering their circumstances. He explains how unsatisfied life seemed to be despite the level of comfort experienced living among his urban populace, surrounded with technological amenities that reduced these harsh realities of survival to nil. Life was harsh and relentless for these people, and examples of the natural tendency to escape those realities were evident as seen in the push to Confederate with Canada as referendums passed to aid in making a life easier. This, the author notes, is part of the evolutionary process and these very hardships are what propel man to achieve technological advances- the very advances that we depend on to make life easier are what make true satisfaction out of reach.
In summary, the essay gives us an indirect glimpse into the benefits of struggling for survival and why gratitude and salvation is prevalent in those who struggle to survive, and why it is in many today that satisfaction with comfortable and easy lifestyles is just out of reach. Delayed gratification is the only way that allows for a deep contrast so we can full take satisfaction in achieving any goal or surviving any hardship.

Sometimes i desire to be simple. Where the weight of my words were never weighed and i could breath a thought as easily as i felt it. Where I can be in the here and now and enjoy the twinkle of satisfaction from feeling free of over thinking. Where I wasn’t in constant struggle with my past habits. Where I could tell people what i really thought and i wouldn’t involving me holding anything back. My thoughts are like streams and rivers that run dry or come crashing with such force that people can’t hold it all. My mind is like a endless surge that rises above mountains and sinks below the sand all in a day. I have passion and desire that can be contrasted and compared to love & hate.

I want to contribute. I go out of my way to make connections. i don’t ever feel like i waste my time when i experience new things. ever. i love every foreign concept, novel idea, new experience, or unique people. I want to incorporate as much novelty as i can into my life.

my eyes scan the back of my mind. My gaze is transient. My heart pumps images and flashes into the trenches of understanding.

A phenomenal amount of insight was gained while reading as well as a renewed sense of responsibility as a college student. This was especially insightful in supporting some of my preexisting habits I’ve already incorporated into my daily routine as the formula for ensured success in and out of the classroom.
Proper sleep in essential for proper brain functioning. Not only for proper cognitive learning and efficiently absorbing new ideas and concepts, but also in effectively storing memories that can be recalled with better insight and accuracy. Poor sleep degrades the minds ability to not only learn, but the ability to recall information to ones peak ability is impaired. Sleep after learning new tasks allows the mind to solidify these new concepts into the memory by activating the same areas that were used to learn the task while you are awake. Proper sleep that consists of a routine eight hours of sleep a night, is important for studying, test taking, and just optimally absorbing the most material in the classroom and text. In addition power naps are greatly beneficial after learning material, or directly before having to recall previous information learned.
Also, scanning the whole text to get an general idea of the material, followed up by sleep will better prepare the mind for absorbing information when you read text more thoroughly when you wake.
Although the idea is less than original, it became apparent that the more emotionally engaged the mind is in the subject matter, the more apt it is to memorize and recall information due to the areas of the brain involved with memory and emotion being very close together. The intrinsic value lies in that the more passionate you are about a subject and material, the more you’re likely to retain and process information. So get passionate for Learning and College and you will succeed, just like everything else you’re passionate in.
Our responsibility is recognizing the importance of discipline to a given task, and keeping you’re eyes on the end goal and reward. This delayed gratification and self-control, when learned and put into effect through habit, proves to increase overall academic success, as well as concentration, your ability to think, perseverance and, in my opinion, the ability to cope the stress. This is why it’s important to set goals and stick to them. This is especially true with ADD where the ability to cope with impulses using self-control wasn’t learned early on.
The will to learn also increases the minds ability to think and absorb information. In this way we are more receptive to persuasion, which includes words from educators and teachers which include pep talks and inspirational motivation through audio and books. This can alter the way the mind thinks by tapping into and mobilizing brains reserve energy to learn.
Another obvious responsibility as a college student is our diet. It’s vitally important to uptake the appropriate nutrition to sustain peak mind and body function. Hydration is important in the transport and distribution of nutrients and energy (glucose) to all over the body. Hydration also helps lubricate the body in aiding in cell to cell function as well as intracellular function. Dehydration impairs the ability to learn drastically. Complex carbohydrates supply the mind and body with a steady supply of glucose energy. Protein rich foods contain amino acids that are absolutely necessary in order for the main and circuitry of the brain to work accordingly. Long chain fatty acids such as Omega 3 and 6 literally make up the composition of the brain. Physical exercise aids in increases circulation and therefore increased overall health.
Diet, Sleep, being passionate about learning, being disciplined, and the will to learn are our main responsibilities as college students.