SummeR – WooT

SummeR – WooT
Current mood: happy
Update:

SO ive been managing my time nicely. I have been allll around this summer- and i still set time aside for myself. yesterday i went to the kava bar- saw so many fine lookin ladies that i havent seen in forever. I havent been to the beach in a few days, and i find that very perturbing. i need to do that asap. hm… started workin- its been aight. Bar backing at Spotos Oakwood Grill on PGA- so save up and come visit. I had two friends from NJ come down. It was pretty sweet- even tho we did absolutely nothing. They were happy to be here so it didnt matter. So goshhhhhhhhhh what else…. um.. man. Guitar. playing alot alot. and ive been reading. i like it. The shins are so damn good. LISTEN TO THE SHINS- ALL OF YOU. ha

Currently listening:
Chutes Too Narrow
By The Shins
Release date: 21 October, 2003
12:06 PM

Compilation of posts: June 27-July 28

Thursday, July 28, 2005 


Current mood:  happy

Update:

SO ive been managing my time nicely. I have been allll around this summer- and i still set time aside for myself. yesterday i went to the kava bar- saw so many fine lookin ladies that i havent seen in forever. I havent been to the beach in a few days, and i find that very perturbing. i need to do that asap. hm… started workin- its been aight. Bar backing at Spotos Oakwood Grill on PGA- so save up and come visit. I had two friends from NJ come down. It was pretty sweet- even tho we did absolutely nothing. They were happy to be here so it didnt matter. So goshhhhhhhhhh what else…. um.. man. Guitar.  playing alot alot. and ive been reading. i like it. The shins are so damn good. LISTEN TO THE SHINS- ALL OF YOU. ha 😉

Currently listening:
Chutes Too Narrow
By The Shins
Release date: 21 October, 2003
 
Saturday, July 23, 2005 

sometimes you need to run away. or be rescued. im looking to be rescued. help.

 
Monday, July 18, 2005 

I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hanging on
To all that might have been

 

 

 
Sunday, July 17, 2005 

Last night was pretty much amazing. Went to la fonda and Salsa danced into the night for sebastians b-day. Pregame was at sebs poolhouse where salsa lessons were given and massive amounts of alcohol was consumed in a very short period of time. we piled into a big’ol van and partied till we got there. i had so much fun. there was minor drama that occurred which sucks but its all good.  Everyone was REALLY drunk. I was laughing the whole night. i woke up in the middle of the floor in some random house with no furniture. I realized that i was laying next to about 6 other people who were unconscious and scattered about the room, all chillin with no blankets. Just the lovely feel of carpet. that made me laugh. I remember eating weird food at the this latino club and drinking weird beverages. it was cooooool—

THEN- made my way to sebs house, passed out till 130- woke and went to sebs poolhouse for a huge barbacue with like 40 people. volleyball, drunkpeople, swimming, MLS on TV goin on, dancing, fun fun funnnnnn. now im tired and im gonna take a shower, clean up and pass out.

 
Saturday, July 16, 2005 

everyone over reacts. no one sees the big picture.

I propose that everyone lets go of mindless thoughts that hold you back from living life to its fullest. Seeing people recognize that everyone is not perfect, and that everyone is just as capable as the person next to them- capable of good and bad.

 
Sunday, July 10, 2005 

i find people funny. i will tell you this. i find it funny that people complain about people complaining. it makes me laugh. what are you saying? that your complaints are more valid than thiers.  really its funny. i find it humorous that people take the time to complain about those people. about the people they dont like. I just recently noticed a trend beginnning. its: Complain and complain some more about the people you dont like and who comaplain, and put it in your profile. i get a laugh. people are funny.

 
Friday, July 08, 2005 


Current mood:  happy

so i get a job. woot. its actually a real job. no honky dorey stuff. a desk job… for whom? why none other than Maverick skate shop. so i sit at a desk all day and order clothes and pick out clothes and talk to vendors and reps and all that jazz. its pretty cool feeling professional. its even cooler when i sit at a desk. whoa.

money = REALLY GOOOD

Currently listening:
In Love and Death
By The Used
Release date: 28 September, 2004
 
Wednesday, July 06, 2005 

i love partying. esp sober.and i love girls 😉

 

 

the beach is my home- go there or be a hermit-pah

 
Friday, July 01, 2005 


Current mood:  happy

i want everyone to know— that i love everyone. im sober now and i am having the happiest days of my life. going to parties sober is a whole different experience. i dont need to drink or pop pills or smoke or do all that other trash in order to forget my insecurities in order to have a good time. never thought id ever ever say that. and i dont think anyone would ever ever imagine me saying that. no longer am i a slave to myself. everyday is good. and when it gets bad, i still have the option to make the best of it. no longer is fun a partying experience- everyminute of my life is fun. i love my friends and the people that support me. i always have good times partying with my bottled water. ha. im even more thankful for those who never gave up on me through my trials. i am so gratetful.

singing in the car- to anything. wrestling in beds. yelling and jumping. meeting random people in random places and having fun all the while. soaking up the sun- basking in sweat- swimming to the sand bars-going surfing even if its just wind chop to paddle around- shell fights. ha. getting buried in the sand. rekindling old friendships.silly. kisses and hugs. movies. late night anything. staying in shape. woooot. the list goes on. and i remember every minute of it.  

Currently listening:
Sublime
By Sublime
Release date: 30 July, 1996
 
Monday, June 27, 2005 

Im bored… and its raining.

soo…ill fill you in on what my summer routines been lookin like. wake up round  8. run around jupiter till i cant breath or feel my legs. lift. eat breakfast. shower. read for an hour. hop online. check the weather. check the surf report. make phone calls. get out of the house by 12. go out all day. eat in between. run again.  go out all night. stay sober. go to bed by an early hour. structure is hot.

Salsa

Salsa

Last night was pretty much amazing. Went to la fonda and Salsa danced into the night for sebastians b-day. Pregame was at sebs poolhouse where salsa lessons were given and massive amounts of alcohol was consumed in a very short period of time. we piled into a big’ol van and partied till we got there. i had so much fun. there was minor drama that occurred which sucks but its all good. Everyone was REALLY drunk. I was laughing the whole night. i woke up in the middle of the floor in some random house with no furniture. I realized that i was laying next to about 6 other people who were unconscious and scattered about the room, all chillin with no blankets. Just the lovely feel of carpet. that made me laugh. I remember eating weird food at the this latino club and drinking weird beverages. it was cooooool—

THEN- made my way to sebs house, passed out till 130- woke and went to sebs poolhouse for a huge barbacue with like 40 people. volleyball, drunkpeople, swimming, MLS on TV goin on, dancing, fun fun funnnnnn. now im tired and im gonna take a shower, clean up and pass out.

4:35 PM

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Saturday, June 25, 2005

I BET YOURE JEALOUS NOW
i got a new kitty. i bet youre jealous now. his names Hart – and hes a gangsta.

so today i had meetings all day. Important people, job interviews, small groups, etc., Got a new job and have another pending (PRAY I GET IT-MUCHO DALLORES) i surfed all day- nice and fun waves. got some sun.. hm… went to small groups tonight… went out hung out with alot of people i hadnt seen in the longest time. fun fun fun. ooo and i got my kitty.

7:04 AM

Compilation of posts: May 28- June 25

Saturday, June 25, 2005 

surfed all day in fort pierce. 1-4 ft waves…. fun tho. got a lil sunburn.

 
Saturday, June 25, 2005 

i got a new kitty. i bet youre jealous now. his names Hart  – and hes a gangsta.

 

so today i had meetings all day. Important people, job interviews, small groups, etc., Got a new job and have another pending (PRAY I GET IT-MUCHO DALLORES) i surfed all day- nice and fun waves. got some sun.. hm… went to small groups tonight… went out hung out with alot of people i hadnt seen in the longest time. fun fun fun. ooo and i got my kitty.

 
Friday, June 24, 2005 

Interesting test… tell me if you think the results are accurate about me. ha.
 

Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 66%
Stability |||||||||||||| 56%
Orderliness |||||||||| 36%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hedonism |||| 16%
Materialism |||||| 30%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 50%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||| 16%
Need to dominate |||||||||| 36%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70%
Wealth |||||||||||||||| 63%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||| 23%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Sexuality |||||||||| 36%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||| 43%
Physical fitness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Female cliche |||||||||| 36%
trait snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting
 
Big Five Test Results

Extroversion ||||||||||||||||

64%

Orderliness |||||||||||| 44%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||| 58%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 66%
Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 86%

 
Wednesday, June 22, 2005 

Lets destroy each other because we’re too cool for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine. Smoke me baby like your last cigarette and whisper to me- say you’ll never forget. Could you break my heart a little more? Shove my body against yours and kiss me like you mean it 😉

 

Yea i got another lil tat-post pictures later.

 
Sunday, June 19, 2005 

 "i am forever working on finding you a reason to breath on" she said with a smile. my heart lightened and the grass grew all around us. she will be mine. no longer will i wrestle with the dregs of guilt or conviction. if its watering you want youve come to the right heart. i will spill mine as  long as my heart beats for you. ive wispered this dream to myself before- id like to wisper it to you.

 i disappeared. i will disappear. i got involved with the wrong people. involved with the wrong places. involved with the wrong things. i am ok. im not dead. i will be better.

 
Wednesday, June 15, 2005 

fuck you all.

 
Sunday, June 12, 2005 

so yea. i got kicked out of my house. petty bullshit i think.. no cell, no home phone. if you wanna reach me leave me a message and eventually i might recieve it. 

 
Saturday, June 04, 2005 

Never thought i’d say this but: i think im bored with drugs and alcohol. wow.SXE for me HA

 
Tuesday, May 31, 2005 

500pm Monday after noon.  gettin high at the figure 8. with jesse and jarod. Dino calls me. hes with Devin and Eric. We meet up. Jarod and jesse go home. i go with Dino. We chill. Took some shots of GM and wiskey. went to the beach. skim boarded. came home. decided that we should get drunk. no beer.

Dino has a stroke of genius. He dresses up in hobo clothes, a big jean jacket, a winter hat  a 2 foot scraggly beard and aviator glasses. he incorporates a haggard drunk strung out voice to accomadate the attire. We go to sunoco, he goes in and comes back out. With 2 12 packs of BL!. wooooot.

we go back to dinos, pound 6 beers each. listen to dino jam on the guitar. we rate the songs that are goin on his new CD. awesome shit. smoke cigarettes. I officially got branded last night. the infamous heart on the right hand. it means= I am committed to going to colorado with dino the crew as soon as possible. (when i get out of the marines.) we decide to go on a drunken adventure. we walk to the BEACH. we’re singing loudly, dancing in the road, hootin and hollaring. laughing. get to the beach. watch the lightning storm thats far out at sea. sit on the beach and chill. We notice a LARGE mass moving on the shore. we’re like is that a turtle. we run up. ITS A 300lb SEA TURTLE. WE SHIT. so crazy. we’re all touchin it and tryin to pick it up. unfortunately it overpowered up and pulled us into the ocean before we let go.so we walk , totally stoked that we just saw a friggen SEA TURTLE. we’re hungry. THIRSTY TURTLE WINGS. its like 1130. they’re kitchen is closed. they tell us to go to Kirbys. we venture to kirbys. JUST IN TIME to witness ladies getting naked for money. ofcourse us young bucks get excited and started throwin money around. A 30 year old GUIDANCE counselor from Ohio is on the bar stool givin us a peep show for our dollar bills. WHAT THE F. how crazy is that. we’re all drunk and order wings while all this mayhem at the bar is goin on. naked women crazy stuff. eat our wings. arm wrestling goin on.  some 35 yearold dude is arm wrestling my friends while we sit outside and shoot the shit. hes like arm wrestle me. im like ok. i beat this guy. i dont think ive seen a guy so humiliated. an 18 year old drunk kid beat this 35 year old. i found it funny. 6 tries later i still beat him. funniest shit ever. ppl are drunk and rowdy. guys are doin back flips and walkin around on thier hands. wow. drunk ladies (with their husbands) are tellin us about the amazing head they give. my friends are all about this. haha. hittin on these older women like theyre gonna get some. it was funny. we go back to dinos, drink some more. smoke a bowl. chill out. listen to music. and…. pass out. wake up. its morning. have a grit and coffee.  its pouring out. Lets go to the beach. we get up, put on some dirty shorts and go to the beach. skim board and shit. its all shitty out and we look like lunatics runnin around the streets half naked. go back to his house shower off and go home. what a night.

 

That was my monday night.

 
Saturday, May 28, 2005 

i worked till 1130. dropped some E (yay). went to a beach party. fighting everywhere. people everywhere. dont know whats goin on. no more alcohol. kegs dry. whatev.ppl r everywhere.  po po roll up. outta nowhere. i realize the situation at hand. i shit and run my ass off to the car. i dive head first in some bushes so that i might be able to elude the blue monsters. run on the beach for a good, eh, fuckin mile.. (felt like it) find the car. get in. go to taco bell to chill out and figure out what the fuck happened. watch police and abulences spontaneously spawn from every corner of jupiter. heard that someone died. (seriously tho) im freakin out. but dont care cause im rollin. i call bunches of ppl up. leave a few dozen messages. pick up a 12 pack. go back to my house where i was gonna have ppl over.  go to my neighbors house. party. brooke calls me back. told her i wanted to see her. she said stop by in this newhaven party. go there. rollin balls. drank 10 beers. really drunk. dont remember fine details. i liked everyone at the house i was at. i go home round 3. chill at my neighbors. talk to gay guys about life. very enlightening. im rollin till about 6 this morning. i see the sun peak its rays over the horizon. i realize i should probably go to bed. i had work at 10 this morning.

that was my friday night.

Very Interesting- Comment

Friday, June 24, 2005

Very Interesting- Comment
Interesting test… tell me if you think the results are accurate about me. ha.

Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 66%
Stability |||||||||||||| 56%
Orderliness |||||||||| 36%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hedonism |||| 16%
Materialism |||||| 30%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 50%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||| 16%
Need to dominate |||||||||| 36%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70%
Wealth |||||||||||||||| 63%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||| 23%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Sexuality |||||||||| 36%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||| 43%
Physical fitness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Female cliche |||||||||| 36%
trait snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting

Big Five Test Results
Extroversion |||||||||||||||| 64%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 44%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||| 58%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 66%
Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
12:39 AM

I got a new tattoo

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I got a new tattoo

Lets destroy each other because we’re too cool for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine. Smoke me baby like your last cigarette and whisper to me- say you’ll never forget. Could you break my heart a little more? Shove my body against yours and kiss me like you mean it 😉

Yea i got another lil tat-post pictures later.

9:17 PM

I got a new tattoo

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I got a new tattoo
Lets destroy each other because we’re too cool for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine. Smoke me baby like your last cigarette and whisper to me- say you’ll never forget. Could you break my heart a little more? Shove my body against yours and kiss me like you mean it

Yea i got another lil tat-post pictures later.

9:17 PM

My spotless mind

my spotless mind

“i am forever working on finding you a reason to breath on” she said with a smile. my heart lightened and the grass grew all around us. she will be mine. no longer will i wrestle with the dregs of guilt or conviction. if its watering you want youve come to the right heart. i will spill mine as long as my heart beats for you. ive wispered this dream to myself before- id like to wisper it to you.

i disappeared. i will disappear. i got involved with the wrong people. involved with the wrong places. involved with the wrong things. i am ok. im not dead. i will be better.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

my spotless mind

Sunday, June 19, 2005

my spotless mind
“i am forever working on finding you a reason to breath on” she said with a smile. my heart lightened and the grass grew all around us. she will be mine. no longer will i wrestle with the dregs of guilt or conviction. if its watering you want youve come to the right heart. i will spill mine as long as my heart beats for you. ive wispered this dream to myself before- id like to wisper it to you.
i disappeared. i will disappear. i got involved with the wrong people. involved with the wrong places. involved with the wrong things. i am ok. im not dead. i will be better.

9:46 PM

My Monday Night

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

My Monday Night

500pm Monday after noon. gettin high at the figure 8. with jesse and jarod. Dino calls me. hes with Devin and Eric. We meet up. Jarod and jesse go home. i go with Dino. We chill. Took some shots of GM and wiskey. went to the beach. skim boarded. came home. decided that we should get drunk. no beer.

Dino has a stroke of genius. He dresses up in hobo clothes, a big jean jacket, a winter hat a 2 foot scraggly beard and aviator glasses. he incorporates a haggard drunk strung out voice to accomadate the attire. We go to sunoco, he goes in and comes back out. With 2 12 packs of BL!. wooooot.

we go back to dinos, pound 6 beers each. listen to dino jam on the guitar. we rate the songs that are goin on his new CD. awesome shit. smoke cigarettes. I officially got branded last night. the infamous heart on the right hand. it means= I am committed to going to colorado with dino the crew as soon as possible. (when i get out of the marines.) we decide to go on a drunken adventure. we walk to the BEACH. we’re singing loudly, dancing in the road, hootin and hollaring. laughing. get to the beach. watch the lightning storm thats far out at sea. sit on the beach and chill. We notice a LARGE mass moving on the shore. we’re like is that a turtle. we run up. ITS A 300lb SEA TURTLE. WE SHIT. so crazy. we’re all touchin it and tryin to pick it up. unfortunately it overpowered up and pulled us into the ocean before we let go.so we walk , totally stoked that we just saw a friggen SEA TURTLE. we’re hungry. THIRSTY TURTLE WINGS. its like 1130. they’re kitchen is closed. they tell us to go to Kirbys. we venture to kirbys. JUST IN TIME to witness ladies getting naked for money. ofcourse us young bucks get excited and started throwin money around. A 30 year old GUIDANCE counselor from Ohio is on the bar stool givin us a peep show for our dollar bills. WHAT THE F. how crazy is that. we’re all drunk and order wings while all this mayhem at the bar is goin on. naked women crazy stuff. eat our wings. arm wrestling goin on. some 35 yearold dude is arm wrestling my friends while we sit outside and shoot the shit. hes like arm wrestle me. im like ok. i beat this guy. i dont think ive seen a guy so humiliated. an 18 year old drunk kid beat this 35 year old. i found it funny. 6 tries later i still beat him. funniest shit ever. ppl are drunk and rowdy. guys are doin back flips and walkin around on thier hands. wow. drunk ladies (with their husbands) are tellin us about the amazing head they give. my friends are all about this. haha. hittin on these older women like theyre gonna get some. it was funny. we go back to dinos, drink some more. smoke a bowl. chill out. listen to music. and…. pass out. wake up. its morning. have a grit and coffee. its pouring out. Lets go to the beach. we get up, put on some dirty shorts and go to the beach. skim board and shit. its all shitty out and we look like lunatics runnin around the streets half naked. go back to his house shower off and go home. what a night.

That was my monday night.

7:34 PM

My friday night.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

My friday night.

i worked till 1130. dropped some E (yay). went to a beach party. fighting everywhere. people everywhere. dont know whats goin on. no more alcohol. kegs dry. whatev.ppl r everywhere. po po roll up. outta nowhere. i realize the situation at hand. i shit and run my ass off to the car. i dive head first in some bushes so that i might be able to elude the blue monsters. run on the beach for a good, eh, fuckin mile.. (felt like it) find the car. get in. go to taco bell to chill out and figure out what the fuck happened. watch police and abulences spontaneously spawn from every corner of jupiter. heard that someone died. (seriously tho) im freakin out. but dont care cause im rollin. i call bunches of ppl up. leave a few dozen messages. pick up a 12 pack. go back to my house where i was gonna have ppl over. go to my neighbors house. party. brooke calls me back. told her i wanted to see her. she said stop by in this newhaven party. go there. rollin balls. drank 10 beers. really drunk. dont remember fine details. i liked everyone at the house i was at. i go home round 3. chill at my neighbors. talk to gay guys about life. very enlightening. im rollin till about 6 this morning. i see the sun peak its rays over the horizon. i realize i should probably go to bed. i had work at 10 this morning.

that was my friday night.

9:17 PM

Saturday, May 28, 2005

My friday night.
i worked till 1130. dropped some E (yay). went to a beach party. fighting everywhere. people everywhere. dont know whats goin on. no more alcohol. kegs dry. whatev.ppl r everywhere. po po roll up. outta nowhere. i realize the situation at hand. i shit and run my ass off to the car. i dive head first in some bushes so that i might be able to elude the blue monsters. run on the beach for a good, eh, fuckin mile.. (felt like it) find the car. get in. go to taco bell to chill out and figure out what the fuck happened. watch police and abulences spontaneously spawn from every corner of jupiter. heard that someone died. (seriously tho) im freakin out. but dont care cause im rollin. i call bunches of ppl up. leave a few dozen messages. pick up a 12 pack. go back to my house where i was gonna have ppl over. go to my neighbors house. party. brooke calls me back. told her i wanted to see her. she said stop by in this newhaven party. go there. rollin balls. drank 10 beers. really drunk. dont remember fine details. i liked everyone at the house i was at. i go home round 3. chill at my neighbors. talk to gay guys about life. very enlightening. im rollin till about 6 this morning. i see the sun peak its rays over the horizon. i realize i should probably go to bed. i had work at 10 this morning.
that was my friday night.

9:17 PM

Compilation of posts: May 11-May 25th

Tuesday, May 24, 2005 

before the end of this summer i plan on hitchhiking to california. hitchhiking,busses, taxis, river. whatever. i plan on going out there for about a month. Staying at some friends houses and what not. This is totally random. and im so fucking serious about it. im 18 and i have no serious commitments so i wont be fucking myself over. i plan on getting up and disappearing on an adventure for a good while. i suppose ill save up a bit. then bam im gone LA.. im there.

 
Sunday, May 22, 2005 

When we met light was shed Thoughts free flow you said you’ve got something Deep inside of you A wind chime voice sound, sway of your hips round rings true It goes deep inside of you These secret garden beams, changed my life so it seems Fall breeze blows outside, I don’t break stride My thoughts are warm And they go deep inside of you And I never felt alone, ’till I met you Friends say I’ve changed, I don’t listen ’cause I live to be Deep inside of you Slide of her dress, shouts in darkness, I’m so alive I’m deep inside of you You said boy make girl feel good But still, deep inside, still I’ve never felt alone ‘Till I met you I’m all right on my own And then I met you And I’d know what to do if I just knew what’s coming I would change myself if I could I’d walk with my people if I could find them And I’d say that I’m sorry to you I’m sorry to you And I don’t want to call you But then I want to call you ’cause I don’t want to crush you But I feel like crushing you And it’s true I took for granted you were with me I breathe by your looks and you look right through me And we were broke and didn’t know And we were broke and didn’t know And we were broke and didn’t know Something’s gone, you withdraw and I’m not strong like before I was Deep inside of you I can go nowhere I burn candles and stare at a ghost Deep inside of you And some great need in me starts to bleed I’ve lost myself there’s nothing left, it’s all gone Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you song lyrics are amazing! even without the music to accompany the carefully orchestrated arrangment of words. but you all knew that.

 
Saturday, May 21, 2005 

god my heart has never hurt so bad in all of my life. its the worst pain ever.

 
Friday, May 20, 2005 

"Save yourself. Because the only thing that matters is that you get away from the pain and the thought of losing your mind. Don’t blame yourself. It was everyone around you who made you act this way. There’s the stage and your chance to watch it go down. Don’t fake yourself into ever, ever thinking about yesterday. That was then, this is now. Don’t call it undone. Don’t take what you’ve been dealt. You can exit out the back and make your getaway before anyone can see the damage you have done. This time is the last time so be here now. This time is the last time. Somehow make it through. State your case. You’ve got everyone’s attention. What can you say? Thanks or forget what you’ve been given. Take your place. Do you think that you deserve the best of everything? We don’t get why you’re here. Can you figure it out? This time is the last time so be here, here now. You’ve got to get away. Oh, I get lost in the thought of losing you. You’ve got to get away. I know it’s a dream but it must be true. Wave now goodbye. It’s the lesson that you’ve been given. You can always move on to better things. "

 
Thursday, May 19, 2005 

my whole family went vegetarian. my sisters went vegan. ok. now… i dont mind the fact that they dont eat animals or whatever. not a problem with me. but the current situation in my refrigerator disturbs me. NOT ONE MEAT PRODUCT. yea. we got the organic cow milk. thats the only animals product in the midst of soymilk, tofu, and an array of hardcore vegetable, bean, and rice combinations. so its discomforting when my manly instincts kick in, and i get a hunger for some hardcore beef or maybe just a suculent chicken breast to munch on, and THERE ISNT A PIECE OF MEAT IN THE WHOLE house. yea. thought id share that with you. i also wanna share that i currently found out that fast food restaurants serve grade E meat. ALPO and other dog food manufacturers use grade D meat to make thier reknown dog food. choice eh. never eat fast fooooood.

 
Monday, May 16, 2005 

"thinking listening searching i am aware of the time as it escapes into oblivion. no cute fits of laughter will save us now. we’re looking into the long haul and we’ve got scars as reminders. shes looking out her window, over the roofs and into my room. if only i felt safe enough to escape with you than we’d take to the places we’ve dreampt of together. over the seas and onto the fields where we would be wild together forever. dawns never to late to come home. ive got tea for two and arms for you. and just because i forgot your name doesnt mean i forgot your face. ill be waiting for you as long as these memories remain my sunshine." *smile*

 
Saturday, May 14, 2005 

my life is crazy. im not confused. i know what i want. i know what i like. i know who i like. i dont have problems with people. i dont want problems with people. i do what i want when i feel its necessary. i cant please every one in the world. im in total control of my life because i know i have no control of my life. i am no better than anyone. and no one is better than me. im tired of confusion and hurt. i dont appreciate mean people. people that go out of their way to make someone feel bad. thats a mean person. i dont care if people hurt me, people can do thier worst. ill still be here. no matter waht the circumstances. i dont like when other people hurt. i dont like hurting people. i want the best for people. im not out to get anyone. i dont want drama. i want people in my life who know what the hell they want and are certain of it. learn to appreciate that life is what you make it and how you see it. the circumstances dont make you content. being content with what you have for however long you have it is what makes life grand. i dont ever wanna be not content again. i want carefree. i want simple.

im fuckin 18 years old. i have a summer ahead of me then the marines. i am going to take full advantage of my youth and the adventure this summer has to offer. and nothing will stop me.

Currently listening:
Funeral
By The Arcade Fire
Release date: 14 September, 2004
 
Thursday, May 12, 2005 

i dont know what happened yesterday. airport. beach. ppl. roads. skateboards. so confusing.

 
Wednesday, May 11, 2005 

um. beach. skateboarding(in the rain). smoking. roadtrips. smoking. parties. new people. new places. new food. money. alot of fun. fancy that. all at once. i love it.

Compilation of posts: April 24- May 8

Sunday, May 08, 2005 

The hand of my clock strikes two In times when I got the best of you We made promises we couldn’t keep And every night we couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know why, but didn’t ask questions because it was the first time in my life, yeah the first time in my life Where I, did something right. I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time You pick me apart While I search for witty things to say (In my defense) "You’ll never amount to anything anyway" (Don’t press your luck, don’t press your luck) And think that I’m impressed with your one night stands and your contagious kiss I’m trying to get this right Yeah, cause I’m ridiculous like that I’ll keep this as A constant reminder Of the nights I spent holding onto her And rest assured I’m moving on I miss you less, with each day your gone (your gone)

 
Saturday, May 07, 2005 

Untie me, I’ve said no vows The train is getting way too loud I gotta leave here my girl Get on with my lonely life Just leave the ring on the rail For the wheels to nullify Until this turn in my head I let you stay and you paid no rent I spent twelve long months on the lam That’s enough sitting on the fence For the fear of breaking dams I find a fatal flaw In the logic of love And go out of my head You love a sinking stone That’ll never elope So get used to the lonesome Girl, you must atone some Don’t leave me no phone number there It took me all of a year To put the poison pill to your ear But now I stand on honest ground, on honest ground You want to fight for this love But honey you cannot wrestle a dove So baby it’s clear You want to jump and dance But you sat on your hands And lost your only chance Go back to your hometown Get your feet on the ground And stop floating around I find a fatal flaw In the logic of love And go out of my head You love a sinking stone That’ll never elope So get used to used to the lonesome Girl, you must atone some Don’t leave me no phone number there to a special someone.

 
Wednesday, May 04, 2005 

If I had a dime for every time you walked away, I could afford to not give a shit and buy a drink and drown the day But your pockets, they are empty, yeh, and mine are times two So why not make an about-face, and accept the love I send to you? You’re never gonna be content if you font try, try to see outside your line. There you go, you did it again! You act as if there’s binder on your eyes. Should I apologize if what I say burns your ears and stains your eyes?! Oh, did I crack your shell? When it falls away, you’ll see we exist as well! Like a bottle with the cork stuck, your true ingredients trapped inside. Through the cloudy glass we catch a glimpse of you, I guess the hard shell represents your pride. Oh, if only it could be different we could uncover the you, you deny. Between two, a small discrepancy, one complicates and one simplifies. TAKE THOSE FUCKING BLINDERS OFF YOUR EYES!! So if I had a dime for every time you walked away, you could bet your bottom dollar that I’d be filthy rich by noon today

 
 
Wednesday, May 04, 2005 

im young. ive got years ahead of me. i can smoke drink and do whatever else i wanna do. im free. no major bills. no major responsiblity. i am capable of doing whatever i want. im growing up and i gotta take every scabbed knee like its my last. i gotta be as rowdy as possible. take advantage of youth. Could I make it all up to you by serving coffee for two in bed, would you then give me the time of day.I need a map of your head, translated into english so I can learn to not make you frown. Feel better if you vent, put your frustrations into four letter words and let them out on mine, The most weathered ears in town! Say what u will, Say what u mean, No, you could never offend. Your dirty words come out clean

 
Tuesday, May 03, 2005 

Im going to renegades tonight… never been. suppose to be a bachelors paradise… but i dunno… country line dancing… not my style. we’ll see tho……. schools a bitch…annddd…. summers almost here. andddd i like this song. I don’t mind you comin’ here and wastin’ all my time ’cause when you’re standin’ oh so near I kinda lose my mind it’s not the perfume that you wear it’s not the ribbons in your hair I don’t mind you comin’ here and wastin’ all my time I don’t mind you hangin’ out and talkin’ in your sleep it doesn’t matter where you’ve been as long as it was deep, yeah you always knew to wear it well and you look so fancy I can tell I don’t mind you hangin’ out and talkin’ in your sleep I guess you’re just what I needed

 
Sunday, May 01, 2005 

so i decided im gonna be famous. how? well… im gonna live the craziest life a man can possibly live… get into as much shit as humanly possible… experience more things than anyone person should experience… and write a book about it. fuck yea. im already half way there and everyday continually brings more and more shit to tell about. im tired of the traditional lifestyles everyones living… im really tired of watching it on TV and reading about it in the newspapers… im gonna make sure i fuckin get off my ass… and get involved with a massive "Things to do" list… and start doing them.

 
Friday, April 29, 2005 

i got like 3 rolls of film… for laziness sake im putting up a whopping 5 pics.enjoy. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com

 
Thursday, April 28, 2005 

Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers and laid entwined together on a bed of clover and left there to sleep, left there to dream of their happiness.

 
Monday, April 25, 2005 

ok… ive decided that blondes are better. no offense to all you that lack the blonde quality. i did the black/brown hair thing… not cuttin it. im glad im a blonde once again. yea…i missed it.

 
Sunday, April 24, 2005 

It’s over You don’t need to tell me I hope you’re with someone who makes you feel safe in your sleeping tonight I won’t kill myself, trying to stay in your life I got no distance left to run When you see me Please turn your back and walk away I don’t want to see you Cos i know the dreams that you keep is wearing me When your coming down, think of me here I got no distance left to run It’s over, I knew it would end this way I hope you’re with someone who makes you feel That this life is the night And it settles down, stays around Spends more time with you I got no distance left to run

Currently listening:
13
By Blur
Release date: 23 March, 1999

Compilation of posts: April 13- April 22

Friday, April 22, 2005 

i drive myself fucking crazy. i fucking hate it. i hate fucking analyzing shit. i hate pretending like i have it figured out. i fucking hate when i think im right. i hate driving people crazy. i hate hurting people. fuck me.

 
Thursday, April 21, 2005 

i love life.

 
Wednesday, April 20, 2005 

ahhhhhhhhhhh thats me releasing bundled energy. im ready to get out. GO FAR. im feeling a random adventure to a far off place. i need to go. go go go. get away. vacation… away from the normality of life. although theres nothing normal about life. i need away from structure and expectations. i wanna goooo. where i dont know. i wanna buy a map of the US. and just book it… tooooo… whereever the small roads will take me. its time i do some exploring. i miss the adventure my life use to contain. i need more. adventure…. i miss romance… i miss fighting for causes. where are the causes and why am i not fighting. i need something. someone to fight for. or…. so im gonna start discarding the old and adopting the new. i need to lighten up. i always forget lifes fuckin sweet. but you gotta make it sweet… since when do adventures come to you on your couch? since when did romance knock on your door? you gotta go out and get it. i know plenty of young ladies that needs some romance in thier life. one in particular. MARINES. i actually cant wait. thats my opprotunity for adventures and battles… or just me being need deep in shit for four years. oh well… experience nontheless. you can be happy if you choose to be. its quite literally a choice. i shouldnt need to remind myself of that… but i do. its a refreshing reminder anyway. wanna go to the beach and play the guitar… or… go night swimming.. thats fun. god i want night swimming.. i wanna get a lil drunk and walk on the beach.. pass out and look at the stars. so why dont i do it?… im gonna start now. PROM this weekend. should be an amazing time… although im not as excited as i originally was. im looking forward to see all of the amazing girls in our limo dress up.

 
Tuesday, April 19, 2005 

life goes on…and today is beautiful. i went surfing. i got tan, or red. however you choose to look at it. skateboarded alot. i want to breath in a field of flowers. i feel like running in an open field and jumping into a cool brook. or swinging off an old ropeswing into a flowing river. yea. i feel good. If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.

 
Sunday, April 17, 2005 

heart.

 
Sunday, April 17, 2005 

so i go on spontaneous binges. yesterday… i was like… yea… im gonna bleach my hair. im tired of black. so i friggen bleached it like… yellow… or as close to blonde as possible without having my hair fall out. awesome. so im blonde/yellow again. i want another tattoo. i wanna do crazy shit. i want to crash a car. thats an experience youll never forget. i wanna get drunk and pass out on the beach.. wake up to a sunrise with sand in my hair. i wanna get so stoned that i can talk for hours about nothing… as if its the most important thing ever. i wanna trip my face off and play guitar for hours and hours… and write pretty lyrics. and write. and draw trippy things… i wanna surfffff…. i havent gone in some time and i miss it so bad. and the beach is only like what… 3 miles away.. or whatever… poor excuse mike… i wanna friggen not give a shit about what anyone else thinks.. i forget that i dont and i find myself over thinking shit. i really only care about what i believe and know to be true. thats not dependent on anyone but me. hm…. some people are selfish. im one of those people. but i can admit it and say… im selfish.. im sorry… i really try not to be.. and i really do something about it. i wanna constantly refine my personality. its fun anyway. i wanna find new friends. experience new people. im half excited that im going to watch my life be torn from my fingers when i join the marines… its better than watching myself throw my life away. am i right? i wanna find a girl who’s always willing to put me in a good mood even if they arent. and i wanna always be the one that puts that girl in a good mood if she isnt. i want a girl that knows shes loved by me and thats good enough for her. i want a girl whose feelings arent dictated by my feelings. and i want to feel the same. jack johnson gets me hard. his music is amazing. the new CD is out of control. Prom in a week. woot. 21 PASSENGER FORD EXCURSION. hot. i dislike big bawlers. people who think they are always right. people who judge. people who prevent themselves from being friends with anyone and everyone to save face. or reputation. i want a reputation for not giving a shit about my reputation. ha.

Currently listening:
History for Sale
By Blue October
Release date: 05 August, 2003
 
Saturday, April 16, 2005 

im in a happy mood. its absolutely gorgeous outside. i want to go to the beach. i have so much to do today.

 
Thursday, April 14, 2005 

i dont want my heart to break for no reason. sometimes i find it necessary to break my own heart. i get complacent with my feelings and i become numb to the happenings around me. i have to hurt to feel again. people get upset with me for being insensitive. they dont realize its unintentional. although alot of times when i recognize the insensitive state i choose to stay cold… sometimes… i try far too hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. people try far to hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. i dont like being taken for granted.. and i do things to avoid being taken for granted. i dislike when people go out of thier way to give a shit… just so it can be noted that they gave a shit… when in their heart they dont give a fuck. they dont even make the effort to make thier efforts worthwhile. useless. i started lifting again.. i cant wait. i want to gain 20 lbs in the next 3 months. 185bs. i met my neighbor for the first time last week. shes an interesting person. fun. i like being creative. i like writing. ive been beingh creative and writing alot lately. its been… refreshing. i like expanding my mind. love is painful and difficult. its also absolutely amazing. i want to be in love forever.

 
Wednesday, April 13, 2005 

you live. than you die. lifes wonderful. everything in between are minute details. they make you smile… or they dont. i like smiling.

I only want to see if your ok when im not around

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I only want to see if your ok when im not around
ahhhhhhhhhhh thats me releasing bundled energy. im ready to get out. GO FAR. im feeling a random adventure to a far off place. i need to go. go go go. get away. vacation… away from the normality of life. although theres nothing normal about life. i need away from structure and expectations. i wanna goooo. where i dont know. i wanna buy a map of the US. and just book it… tooooo… whereever the small roads will take me. its time i do some exploring. i miss the adventure my life use to contain. i need more. adventure…. i miss romance… i miss fighting for causes. where are the causes and why am i not fighting. i need something. someone to fight for. or…. so im gonna start discarding the old and adopting the new. i need to lighten up. i always forget lifes fuckin sweet. but you gotta make it sweet… since when do adventures come to you on your couch? since when did romance knock on your door? you gotta go out and get it. i know plenty of young ladies that needs some romance in thier life. one in particular. MARINES. i actually cant wait. thats my opprotunity for adventures and battles… or just me being need deep in shit for four years. oh well… experience nontheless. you can be happy if you choose to be. its quite literally a choice. i shouldnt need to remind myself of that… but i do. its a refreshing reminder anyway. wanna go to the beach and play the guitar… or… go night swimming.. thats fun. god i want night swimming.. i wanna get a lil drunk and walk on the beach.. pass out and look at the stars. so why dont i do it?… im gonna start now. PROM this weekend. should be an amazing time… although im not as excited as i originally was. im looking forward to see all of the amazing girls in our limo dress up.
7:27 PM

I need the smell of summer, I need its noises in my ears.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I need the smell of summer, I need its noises in my ears.
life goes on…and today is beautiful. i went surfing. i got tan, or red. however you choose to look at it. skateboarded alot. i want to breath in a field of flowers. i feel like running in an open field and jumping into a cool brook. or swinging off an old rope-swing into a flowing river. yea. i feel good. If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.
6:17 PM

hair everywhere.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

hair everywhere.
so i go on spontaneous binges. yesterday… i was like… yea… im gonna bleach my hair. im tired of black. so i friggen bleached it like… yellow… or as close to blonde as possible without having my hair fall out. awesome. so im blonde/yellow again. i want another tattoo. i wanna do crazy shit. i want to crash a car. thats an experience youll never forget. i wanna get drunk and pass out on the beach.. wake up to a sunrise with sand in my hair. i wanna get so stoned that i can talk for hours about nothing… as if its the most important thing ever. i wanna trip my face off and play guitar for hours and hours… and write pretty lyrics. and write. and draw trippy things… i wanna surfffff…. i havent gone in some time and i miss it so bad. and the beach is only like what… 3 miles away.. or whatever… poor excuse mike… i wanna friggen not give a shit about what anyone else thinks.. i forget that i dont and i find myself over thinking shit. i really only care about what i believe and know to be true. thats not dependent on anyone but me. hm…. some people are selfish. im one of those people. but i can admit it and say… im selfish.. im sorry… i really try not to be.. and i really do something about it. i wanna constantly refine my personality. its fun anyway. i wanna find new friends. experience new people. im half excited that im going to watch my life be torn from my fingers when i join the marines… its better than watching myself throw my life away. am i right? i wanna find a girl who’s always willing to put me in a good mood even if they arent. and i wanna always be the one that puts that girl in a good mood if she isnt. i want a girl that knows shes loved by me and thats good enough for her. i want a girl whose feelings arent dictated by my feelings. and i want to feel the same. jack johnson gets me hard. his music is amazing. the new CD is out of control. Prom in a week. woot. 21 PASSENGER FORD EXCURSION. hot. i dislike big bawlers. people who think they are always right. people who judge. people who prevent themselves from being friends with anyone and everyone to save face. or reputation. i want a reputation for not giving a shit about my reputation. ha.

Currently listening:
History for Sale
By Blue October
Release date: 05 August, 2003
12:11 PM

No more breaking

Thursday, April 14, 2005


i dont want my heart to break for no reason. sometimes i find it necessary to break my own heart. i get complacent with my feelings and i become numb to the happenings around me. i have to hurt to feel again. people get upset with me for being insensitive. they dont realize its unintentional. although alot of times when i recognize the insensitive state i choose to stay cold… sometimes… i try far too hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. people try far to hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. i dont like being taken for granted.. and i do things to avoid being taken for granted. i dislike when people go out of thier way to give a shit… just so it can be noted that they gave a shit… when in their heart they dont give a fuck. they dont even make the effort to make thier efforts worthwhile. useless. i started lifting again.. i cant wait. i want to gain 20 lbs in the next 3 months. 185bs. i met my neighbor for the first time last week. shes an interesting person. fun. i like being creative. i like writing. ive been beingh creative and writing alot lately. its been… refreshing. i like expanding my mind. love is painful and difficult. its also absolutely amazing. i want to be in love forever.
10:42 PM

Compilation of posts: Mar 6- Mar 30

Wednesday, March 30, 2005 

man. life. whoa. i had an awesome time/trip with jam-o. life throws so much at you at once. i constantly am being bombarded by new trials and tribulations. ive decided that girls, even the ones you love, are impossible. one day the spill their heart, the next they clean it up and the sincere love that could withstand the end of the world is no more, just lost words and feelings. bah. im a naive little boy.

 
Tuesday, March 22, 2005 

coffee is good. ive come to the conclusion that i am retarded. i cannot handle simple emotional tasks. i am afraid this is going to damage me and all of my relationships. scares the shit outta me. i constantly contradict my own convictions. which leads me to feel like shit. which leads me to be self destructive. and i dont like it. i hate hurting people. i have soo much anxiety and stress right now. from what? i dont know. i need help. my best bro jamie O is coming tomorrow. cant friggen wait. ill be able to let go of all my worries for the next 5 days and enjoy life. i need to totally chill. i want coffee icecream. coffee and cigarettes. rootbeer and cloves. i wanna drink and go swimming. go skateboarding in the rain.

Currently listening:
Doubt Me Now
By Lil Wyte
Release date: 04 March, 2003
 
Saturday, March 19, 2005 

 
Sunday, March 13, 2005 


Current mood:  complacent

ive decided this weekend sucked alot. i contribute that to me deciding that drinking wasnt a good idea. coming to the conclusion that having fun weekends are built around alcohol, i realized that removing the alcohol just leaves you with a weekend and no fun. so drink in moderation i will. other things that i wanna complain about: i want my jeep back. i want my cellphone back. i need to start getting into a steady training regiment. i have to stop idealizing people… and…. ya.

Currently listening:
Abbey Road
By The Beatles
Release date: 25 October, 1990
 
Thursday, March 10, 2005 

all i can do is laugh. i laugh and laugh and laugh. i think about the past year. and laugh. no tears. just laugh. laugh at everything. ive gotten to the point where i care soo much. that i just dont care. its awesome. since my decision to quit smoking the reefer a few weeks ago, ive had no desire to continue the habit. ive been drinking uncontrollably the past few weeks instead. ive decided as of two nights ago that my drinking habits have become destructive. so ive decided to stop drinking for awhile. and… while thinking about it why not stop doin drugs. while these decisions might not be permanate… id like to see what its like to live sober for awhile. we’ll see how it works out.

 
Wednesday, March 09, 2005 

i got drunk as fuck yesterday. why? i do not know. but its two in the morning. and i woke up. and i remember my parents yelling at me when i got home at 8 that i was a mess. i could not walk or talk. i did not know up from down. i cannot rely. its a sin. why. i started drinking at 11:00. i capped out around 15 beers by that night. but i could not count. im a fuckin mess. i did not know what i was doing or what was going on. so im sitting here. still drunk. drinking my water. wondering why no one showed up. wondering what the hell happened yesterday. and i dont know.

 
Sunday, March 06, 2005 

with grass stains on her knees she looks up and smiles at me my eyes run to hers and time stops to wait for the two lovers lost together

 
Saturday, March 05, 2005 

i tripped last night. man. what an experience. i am changed. i see things so much differently. i would say clearer… and maybe thats it… but its a different shade of reality. alot makes sense. i feel alot better about so many things. man. its a MINDBLOWING experience. everything… like… whoa. wouldnt recommend it to get fucked up on. cause you aernt fucked up. its all in your mind. i am happy i experience it. it was very therapeutic. got alot out.

Compilation of posts: Feb 5- March 3

Thursday, March 03, 2005 

hearts everywhere. oh yea. they’re all broken like mine. only this time i broke them all. i want to make things better but the hearts have left me. im alone now with my broken heart. here ill stay until im rescued.

 
Wednesday, March 02, 2005 

sooo. today i had a friggen awesome time. no worries. not a worry in the world. i feel so goooood. so what did i do you ask? first… today was a beautiful day. jon and i longboarded alll of palm beach. the whole palm beach area. all of clematis and city place every nook and cranny. we went to the island and went to the beach and continued to explore. worth avenue. in and out of alley ways. chilled at the park in palm beach. sat on the docks. saw the sun light the sky up and paint an aweing array of colors across the horizon. we climbed plam trees and giant crazy trees like 50ft high. had an awesome time. in the middle of the city there was an abandoned house… i thought itd be a good idea to break in. sooo i did. and we explored the whole inside. it was old… if it was fixed up it be a killer pad. it was fun. i felt like a little kid with his hand in a cookie jar. so we went to jons house in west palm checked out the construction and proceeded to the wellington mall to…. i dont know why we went. but we did and had a good time. my legs are sore and im tired. but ill go to bed with a smile on my face.

 
Wednesday, March 02, 2005 

Binge everything. eating. starving. binge drinking water, alcohol, bingeing with women. bingeing with not giving a fuck. bingeing on skipping. BINGE. i have become a BINGER. (is that a word? one who binges?) anyway last night. i got so drunk…. that i dont remember when i left teh clubhouse. nor do i remember half the events of the night. i drank and drank and drank. and bonged so many beers i lost count. ill tell more later

 
Monday, February 28, 2005 


Current mood:  drunk

first me and jon are drunk as fuck im at teh clubhouse with gab sebas carlos nick and jon fuck as drunk man i am officially enlisted in the marines im leaving sept12 …a long ways away but i am officially apart of the corps last nigh i spent the day in miami in a hotel awaiting meps with jon we werent allowed to leave but we got broed so we did leave walked the streets all night wen to publix i decided that dry ICE is fucin cool as shit so i bought some and yea good idea bought some water bottles and shit and we were making dry ice bombs in the fuckin parking lot 20oz bottles 2 Liter bottles fuckin righ man soooooooooooooooooooooooooo loud and INTENSE dude intense what a rush BAM loud you know it we ordered pizza hut at the hotel we wtched tv and passed the fuck out while experimetned with the rest of our dry ice with cool speical effects l sooo we woke up at fuckin like 400 thats uh 4 HOURS of SLEEP SLEEP what the fuck is that i got non eof taht shit and we spent the whole sday till 300 at MEPs what a day all kinda craxzy shit whatever i got home had dinner with the fam the frigen fam and then wen tto home depot made a fuckin beer bong pounded fuckin an 18 pack plus 7 beers whatever the fuck that is so now im drinking vodka and orange juice side note cause im not hardcore enought o chug it straightand fuc im drunk soooooooooooooo ive decided to become a thinking man yea at least for the next 7 months and ive decided to become a man whore cause love isnt real its a made up fairy tale its a heightening of emotions where you cant control them and there is no oher way o interpret those feelibngs except for dubbing hem love i love i love select women /woman its too much to expect someone to love you like you love them wayy to much you want to believe that when you love someone your love and compassion isnt in vain but its fake its never the same so fuck IT i am still waiting for that woman maybe i met her maybe i havent but im waiting for love to be real for me SOMEONE FIND ME AND LOVE ME AND LET LOVE FLOURISH no nonsense

 
Sunday, February 20, 2005 

i realized how much i enjoy chewing gum with ice. i also realized how much i enjoy the company of my friends. Half the time, i enjoy the act of living and everything it entails. when a soft breeze blows gently through your hair and across your face. i like walking barefoot. even on hot asphalt after the beach, although it hurts at the time. i like wrapping myself in my one and only blanket i sleep with, and burying my face deep within my pillows. i really like the fact that i will never really have it (life) figured out. that makes me smile. whenever i look at my bracelet covered wrists i smile at my heart. i like when i get a hug and a wisper in my ear. doing things without having a reason for doing them isnt a bad thing. find a reason after youve done it. waking up. better yet, waking up to a room drenched in the fresh morning sun, and finding someone you love waiting for you at your side. moving is fun. running. walking. skating. rolling. whichever you choose, choose to enjoy it, and you will.im not an adult yet. i think that adults have thier life together. they all act like they do anyway. and until i can at least act like i have it together ill accept that im still a kid. im tired of being tired. of having weighty things on my mind. things that never cease to leave my thoughts. things of importance but i always question how much they really mean. i like pretending im super smart and that no one else thinks like i do. whether or not thats the case i care not. i like making myself pick apart tiny things that arent worth picking apart, but ill do it anyways and have a good time with it. i dont like failing unless i choose to do so. so i always findmyself choosing to fail. its a horrible disease. when i try to succeed and i fail i am crushed. my safe mode is failure. not good. i hate when i say things and i have to take them back. i am a confused person. i follow my heart and it does not have a brain. it knows no logic. so i get confused and say things that i might not have meant. but dont hold it against me forever. i always mean well. always.

Currently listening:
Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground
By Bright Eyes
Release date: 13 August, 2002
 
Friday, February 18, 2005 

random pictures from the Snowball Dance and whatnot. NJ was COLD

 
Tuesday, February 15, 2005 

^^ whoever says love isn’t a painful thing has never loved.

Currently listening:
Transatlanticism
By Death Cab for Cutie
Release date: 07 October, 2003
 
Thursday, February 10, 2005 

UPDATE: going to NJ tomorrow. see my friends. jamie o is comin to the big FL the 23rd of march. i currently weigh 180lbs. and i have been doin good.

Currently listening:
We Will Become Silhouettes
By Postal Service
Release date: 08 February, 2005
 
Sunday, February 06, 2005 

enough is enough. no one can convince me otherwise. its past the point of return. maybe in the distant future, but now is not the time and i will no longer chase after stale dreams.

 
Saturday, February 05, 2005 

im fed up and blah……….. poo.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

i like nice.

i realized how much i enjoy chewing gum with ice. i also realized how much i enjoy the company of my friends. Half the time, i enjoy the act of living and everything it entails. when a soft breeze blows gently through your hair and across your face. i like walking barefoot. even on hot asphalt after the beach, although it hurts at the time. i like wrapping myself in my one and only blanket i sleep with, and burying my face deep within my pillows. i really like the fact that i will never really have it (life) figured out. that makes me smile. whenever i look at my bracelet covered wrists i smile at my heart. i like when i get a hug and a wisper in my ear. doing things without having a reason for doing them isnt a bad thing. find a reason after youve done it. waking up. better yet, waking up to a room drenched in the fresh morning sun, and finding someone you love waiting for you at your side. moving is fun. running. walking. skating. rolling. whichever you choose, choose to enjoy it, and you will.im not an adult yet. i think that adults have thier life together. they all act like they do anyway. and until i can at least act like i have it together ill accept that im still a kid. im tired of being tired. of having weighty things on my mind. things that never cease to leave my thoughts. things of importance but i always question how much they really mean. i like pretending im super smart and that no one else thinks like i do. whether or not thats the case i care not. i like making myself pick apart tiny things that arent worth picking apart, but ill do it anyways and have a good time with it. i dont like failing unless i choose to do so. so i always findmyself choosing to fail. its a horrible disease. when i try to succeed and i fail i am crushed. my safe mode is failure. not good. i hate when i say things and i have to take them back. i am a confused person. i follow my heart and it does not have a brain. it knows no logic. so i get confused and say things that i might not have meant. but dont hold it against me forever. i always mean well.

always.

Compilation of posts: Jan 11- Feb 2

Wednesday, February 02, 2005 


Current mood:  drunk

im drunk so im gonna blab: you cannot trust girls.. thats the first mistake a guy makes… trusting a girl. she will never be honest with you… she’ll tell you just enough so that shes convinced and youre hers.. i dont know about other guys… but i always know whats goin on… i never fall for the bull that they lead me to believe… they can talk and become emotional and all that… but i know… they can talk and be all emotional with any/ all guys they choose… and so can i. i know my genuine feelings. They usually never change inside… but oh i can change soo quickly if i had enough of the bull they keep feeding me. it only lasts so long. so girls are bitches… you think you got the one… untill you watch them do their magic… and usually my mentality is… ok i genuinly like this girl… but ill wait it out… see if they can see that and quit thier little pow wow business. but…. its on a rare ocassion they do. so rare do they change. i lead myself to believe they do at times… even tho… yea.. in the back of my mind i know whats up and how its going… and i get to a point… where im like… nah… not the one for me… devine shit… oh yea god landed her right in my lap… but i fail to realize at times that loves a sick and twisted thing. its worse than drugs… it makes you completely blind to the truth behind every women. what is it they are afraid of… are they afraid… if i get myself involved with this guy and i gonna end up not likeing him but already be involved… or is it… am i gonna like him… and eventually hes gonna not like me…and ill be heartbroken… yea… all that shit… what ive learned… i cannot experience girls unless i rid myself with all that bullshit that floods my head on a regualr baisis.. i cant begin to trust a girl if i continually think about the bull shit theyre doin…. so i acknowledge that its going on… put it in the back of my mind… and wait until they officially cross the line.. or show me that in only an option in their life and not a priority. why make someone a priority who only makes you an option. yea i can love. ive got love. but i got commonsense… and i want my love and thier love to be equivalent… itll never work out otherwise… i despise women who try and think they can play me. they think they know whats goin on in my head. they think im so naive. like i havent experienced women first hand. i wish they would all be real… so all you women/girls out there… be real… love like you never loved before… open up… its not like you are doomed if you tell someone how you feel about them… like oh boy he know my feelings… whatever… blow the dude off if he takes advantage of your feelings… chances are he didnt give a shit anyway… guys convince themselves that they like girls… they make them spill their guts then the girl gets all emotional about him and hes a dick.. well dont be afriad to say fuck you dude you are a fucking dick if he takes advantage of your feelings… dont talk to him again… i know girls do the same shit.. they think a guy likes them they extort exactly what they want a guy to say to them… even tho it isnt the right guy… and when they come to this they blow him off… yea fuck it all… blah blah… fucking complicated shit. so… bottomline… you wanna get laid… tell the dude. dudes are horny bitches… 9 out of ten will say yes… you wanna guy to emotional support… then tell his ass… just cause you tell him how you feel doesnt mean you are doomed and hes got you. nah. girls get over it.. and so do dudes… BUT. i wanna find love. where i can love her and she can love me and thats that. no one else. no controversal feelings.. no bullshit. love = love. thats how it should be. i wont give up. i know the games… i sometimes wonder if the damjn games will lead me there or not… im not big on playing them… hookin up and getting laid is so common place… and i see that it never works… one out of a billion you happen to find that person… so i dont participate in that whole lets hook up and see if we like eachother… fuck that.. id rather get myself off. i dont liek getting around.. having the title as a guy who hooks up with everyone. i wanna be that dude whos saved himself for that one girl that he fell in love with.. i wanna be all hers…

 
Wednesday, February 02, 2005 

a perfect circle – weak and powerless

 

 

today was not a good day.

Police are stupid.

 
Sunday, January 30, 2005 

You ripped my heart out of me then you put it back I’m pulling my hair I let you just a million times I love you even though it isn’t fair so… one of my favorite girls… lyndsi S… had her 17th birthday party last night… i enjoyed myself. loads of fun in the pool and hot tub and all that jazz… i developed a fondness for group showers… they stay G rated ofcourse. i had a good time watching all my friends get extremely intoxicated.. they all transform into totally different people… so love getting to know them while theyre in the state of mind.

 
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 

Look in my eyes I’m jaded now whatever that means By sharing these things I rip my heart out It’s worth my time Whatever that means…

 
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 

fuck fuck fuck Thats interesting.

 
Saturday, January 22, 2005 

ok… so…. i dyed my hair… i decided it was going to be black… but… in some crazy turn of events… it never turned black,… but a certain dark shade of bluE… (some say purple) its all… gooood. yea… so .1 Dyed hair ok… so i got really spontaneous…. and… i went to inklink… a tattoo and piercing parlor… and…. i got my dick pierced… yes…. thats right…. just kidding… actually i got a tattoo… yea… waiting for rents to disown me… they almost did when i dashed thier dreams of a blonde haired son.. InterJECTION: please note (on jennifers behalf) that she feels responsible for my tattoo… end interjection….(ofcourse this isnt true… but we let her think so) .2 Heart tattooed on the inside of my right wrist… black.. and small… so… maybe im a freak now… but i dont care…. i only seek the approval of the man i look at in the mirror everyday ahahahhaha

Currently listening:
The Living End
By The Living End
Release date: 09 February, 1999
 
Saturday, January 22, 2005 

yea… love… fuckin love… leaves you completely friggen helpless… ive accepted… and refined the art of supressing love… that sometimes its necessary. ive let go… i dont fear rejection… tired of paranoia… i want to love… to love and love and love… and not care whether im getting love in return…. i want to be dizzy with love… i want to be intoxicated by a womans beauty… i want to be overwhelmed with her presence… i want to be swept off my feet at her slightest wisper… i want to give my heart to a girl… a girl that will keep it safe in the palm of her hand and not put it in a box under her bed… i long for a girl to love me for me. i am over silly childish games… they urk me… i want to be honest with how i feel… if i feel like i love… i will… if i feel like i like i will… enough with the foolsih acts

 
Thursday, January 20, 2005 

for the next few days.. or however long i see fit… i am going to be spontaneous. no planning. just do it. if you have any suggestions for stuff you know id do… even tho id regret it later… please tell me. the shins are good.

Currently listening:
Oh, Inverted World
By The Shins
Release date: 19 June, 2001
 
Wednesday, January 12, 2005 

fuck the world. fuck life. fuck it.

 
 
Tuesday, January 11, 2005 

yea.

Compilation of posts: Dec 12- 24

Friday, December 24, 2004 

ive long since dreamed of your angelic face blowing wispers in my ear and before the break of every new day i lay and dream of you my love you taught me to sleep with hope tomorrow i will find myself lost in love once more

 
Wednesday, December 22, 2004 


Current mood:  infuriated

lately ive had raging emotions. i wanna kill. i wanna injure. pain is no contest. i want to unleash. i want to experience hurt. i want to bathe in pain. i want to inflict hurt. i want to destroy. i want to end things. i dont like being underestimated. i want to fight. i want to hold someones life in my hand. i want to breath death. whether my own or someone elses. im not fearful. im confident. i want to enjoy my sufferings and smile upon my pain. i want to lose it. I need to be pushed over the edge. please push me.

 
Wednesday, December 22, 2004 

sitting, looking, typing, seeing, feeling, moping, gasp intruiging, watching waiting, panting bleeding, infomous darkness never receding, to blank the thought of this distant needing, wanting more but never recieving, tending demons attending preachings, living lonesome living grieving, , leave the friendship never retreating, loveing lustful thoughts of healing, here i stand alone and kneeling, every tear that keeps on speeding, racing time like its fleeing, watchful demise intensity teeming,life long, lustful never ending, catch the promise, that which is pending, in your words that you keep bending, never knowing always pretending, let me know If I’m worth fending, and take the thoughts to keep me sending, simple words mabye just three, take these words, take them from me, and look inside find what you see, on what you missed, what it is is me, swallow your pride, swallow it whole, you took a dive, you paid the tole, you walked with pride never to see, who you really were, who you turned to be, signing out and clocking in, giving up, to giving in, you never new what you had to hold but now that I’m gone you’ll soon grow cold, dripping sweat, burning eyes, never to make your compromise, take these words and take them hard, shove them inside and wash them down for what you know you meant to me, I’m sorry but your friendship could never be

 
Monday, December 20, 2004 

my weekend…. friday… went to a close friends party… got inebriated… slept over… got molested by some girl… very uncomfortable situation…. overall good night… hung out with alot of guys i havent partied with in a long while… saturday DAY…. hung out with kate aLLLLLL day…. went out to EAT….. instead of seeing the polar express… gag…..met up with philip….. went to the malll….. got the camcorder up and running….. got ready for a bonfire…..saturday night… hm…. phil and i got a bonfire goin… good amount of people came and went… it got beat after the first hour… so we shot over crystals for awhile… only to return to the bonfire later that night… i must say… i drank a bit too much that night… had a killer time tho… saw alot of people id never thought id see at a party… anyway… it was goooood. had fun shootin my pellet gun… choppin shit up with a machete(sp?) and bashin things up with bats… overall fun… hm…. tonight went to a close friends lumanares? or something.. basically a giant block party… yea… didnt know anyone so i left… getting ready to go to stadium grills xmas party… FUN… good shit… exams tomorrow… wish me luck…. HA im like $400 in the hole for my car damage… still.. its been about a month now… right before xmas was a kick in the balls for my car to break… bummer.

 
Saturday, December 18, 2004 

 
Thursday, December 16, 2004 

yea.

 
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 

"This fall I think youre riding for – it’s a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn’t permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement’s designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own enviornment couldn’t supply them with. Or they thought their own enviornment couldn’t supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really got started."

 
Monday, December 13, 2004 

didnt come up with this… but i found it humorous and entertaining enough..so:::: do you’s? 1. do you think im cute? 2. do you want to kiss me? 3. do you want to cuddle wit me? 4. do you want to hook up with me? 5. do you like my hair? are we’s? 1. are we aquintences? 2. are we friends? 3. are we hook ups? 4. are we in a relationship? 5. are we going to have kids? 6. are we going to fhuck like vild boar? would you’s? 1. would you hang out with me? 2. would you ask me out on a date? 3. would you be my hook up? 4. would you be my girlfriend/boyfriend? 5. would you have sex with me? have you ever? 1. have you ever thought about me? 2. have you ever thought there might be an "us"? 3. have you ever thought about about hookin up with me? 4. have you ever found yourself wanting a kiss from me? 5. have you ever wished i were there? (awwww <—) are you’s 1. are you thinking "what the fuck is wrong with this kid?" 2. are you happy you know me? 3. are you mad at me? 4. are (what) you thinkin bout me? 5. are you going to repost this so that i will return the favor?

 
Monday, December 13, 2004 

i feel like i have a weight on my shoulders… its uncomfortable. i feel as if my emotions are being held down and suffocated. Am i missing something big here? i went to jersey…. i had a good time i suppose… saw all my friends… it was so good to see everyone. i wish i had a day set apart for each of people i left behind when i moved. but as much as i was glad to visit jersey…. jersey weather is not enjoyable… and i couldnt wait to be back in florida… went to the dance… danced my butt off. woooot. afterwards…no big parties… so i went to the races in Phili with jeff alex and dave… we eventually parked and ran around center city for a few hours.. made some trouble and what not… it was fun.

Currently listening:
Chutes Too Narrow
By The Shins
Release date: 21 October, 2003
 
Monday, December 13, 2004 


Current mood:  bored

1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. How have I affected you? 5. What do you think of me? 6. What’s the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 12. Physically, what stands out? 13. Emotionally, what stands out? 14. Do you wish i was cooler? 15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 17. Am I loveable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in 3 words 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think i’ll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 28. How well do you know me? 29. Do you wish to get to know me more? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t? 31. Do you think I could kill someone? 32. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?