Life is good

Thursday, September 08, 2005

woooo
Lifes been so good. I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. im not in debt anymore. I have plans. woooo.
ive been hanging out with so many different and new people. there is RARELY a dull moment in my life. and if there is- i made it like that- so i can appreciate how good its been. surfing surfing surfing. this week has been anticipated all summer. gooooood wavess…. so niceee….

this weekend should prove to be a very entertaining one. my gooooood friend has no parental supervision for the weeken use your imagination and you’ll see where im going with that one.

the only thing im missing are my girls. my girls. where are you?

5:30 PM

Girls, inebriation, mall, off-roading, fight .,

girls, inebriation, mall, off-roading, fight .,

I havent been logging in my thoughts and current events as often as i should. i do tooooo much, too often… but i should start.

SAT- yea… great day. GREAT day. i saw my favorite girls, while swimming and getting drunk, and driving around in my jeep like a mad man. it was grrreattt… but no one wants to hear about that.

SUNDAY-

me and my favorite hangout partners bought a few cases of beer and went to kedos bridge. (currently my ongoing favorite sunday pastime) i got… pretty drunk. went swimming. met a bunch of random people. really cool. bunch of people met up with us. so it was great. me and a few dudes and girls went to the mall after i was… feeling really good. so we make our way indoors. i get a phone call. my friend is outside… he almost gets jumped outside the mall. he isnt one to start shit, EVER.. and he was drunk… and it was 5 on him… so naturally… im drunk and i want to find these “thugs” and “talk it out”… so we jump in my jeep… i offroad through some back lawns near the mall and eventually roll up to these kids. before i say anything they taunt me. bad move. i park my jeep on the sidewalk. jump on the hood and proceed to negotiate with the 5 “tough guys”. when that didnt work i beat the shit out of everyone. my good friend rolled up 5 sec later and helped me out. so it was real good. tough guys. all 5. talkin shit. real tough, get thier asses beat by me. it was great. until they got scared and broke pots and shit. which is when the cops came, all 5, and i was on the ground and hand cuffed and it was real shit. BUT- they let me go and my friend got off. 5 on 2. it was realllllly good. i was drunk so what.

so we celebrated by smoking some reefer and going offroading for the rest of the night- with a brief pizza break at BONZOS. yummy.

8:03 AM

girls, inebriation, mall, off-roading, fight .,

Monday, August 29, 2005

girls, inebriation, mall, off-roading, fight .,
I havent been logging in my thoughts and current events as often as i should. i do tooooo much, too often… but i should start.

SAT- yea… great day. GREAT day. i saw my favorite girls, while swimming and getting drunk, and driving around in my jeep like a mad man. it was grrreattt… but no one wants to hear about that.

SUNDAY-

me and my favorite hangout partners bought a few cases of beer and went to kedos bridge. (currently my ongoing favorite sunday pastime) i got… pretty drunk. went swimming. met a bunch of random people. really cool. bunch of people met up with us. so it was great. me and a few dudes and girls went to the mall after i was… feeling really good. so we make our way indoors. i get a phone call. my friend is outside… he almost gets jumped outside the mall. he isnt one to start shit, EVER.. and he was drunk… and it was 5 on him… so naturally… im drunk and i want to find these “thugs” and “talk it out”… so we jump in my jeep… i offroad through some back lawns near the mall and eventually roll up to these kids. before i say anything they taunt me. bad move. i park my jeep on the sidewalk. jump on the hood and proceed to negotiate with the 5 “tough guys”. when that didnt work i beat the shit out of everyone. my good friend rolled up 5 sec later and helped me out. so it was real good. tough guys. all 5. talkin shit. real tough, get thier asses beat by me. it was great. until they got scared and broke pots and shit. which is when the cops came, all 5, and i was on the ground and hand cuffed and it was real shit. BUT- they let me go and my friend got off. 5 on 2. it was realllllly good. i was drunk so what.

so we celebrated by smoking some reefer and going offroading for the rest of the night- with a brief pizza break at BONZOS. yummy.

8:03 AM

oh yea…. ohh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh yea…. ohh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so yea. Ive been chillin. no school. yea. no school. no college? yea. fuck that. I dont have the money right now- NOR do i have any clue as to what i want to do with my life. Im not gonna go to college just to “party it up” cause really ive already done shitloads of that. Why didnt i jump on the bandwagon and go to college like every other teen. well honestly-and if you were one of those people that jumped from highschool to college, thats great. godspeed and many blessings.- but im really not like any other teen. Oh wait. You didnt wanna go cuase you werent smart enough. Thats it. ok. I can do whatever the hell i wanna do. I can get whatever grades i wanna get. I can excel when i want to or i can not give a shit and just not care. Does this mean im not capable. um.. fuck that. I never wanted a generic lifestyle. I never want an ordinary life. I want to squeeze every bit of experience i can get out of it while im alive. I just moved to florida. i want to chill the hell out. I am smart. i do know what is going on in my life and the world. moreso than alot of people. So im chillin in my free time. guitar and reading . Im also working full time like slave and im glad like . Im saving money. I really wanna chill and get my priorities straight. And you know what? its working. I can go to school whenever i want. am i justifying the situation im in? fuck yea.

I want to travel. My goal is to save enough- and go to europe for…awhile. maybe go to school there. I dont know. I really dont know. I plan on interning at a realtors office, while getting my realtors license. make more money. but the possibilities are endless.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005, 2:52 PM

oh yea…. ohh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh yea…. ohh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

so yea. Ive been chillin. no school. yea. no school. no college? yea. fuck that. I dont have the money right now- NOR do i have any clue as to what i want to do with my life. Im not gonna go to college just to “party it up” cause really ive already done shitloads of that. Why didnt i jump on the bandwagon and go to college like every other teen. well honestly-and if you were one of those people that jumped from highschool to college, thats great. godspeed and many blessings.- but im really not like any other teen. Oh wait. You didnt wanna go cuase you werent smart enough. Thats it. ok. I can do whatever the hell i wanna do. I can get whatever grades i wanna get. I can excel when i want to or i can not give a shit and just not care. Does this mean im not capable. um.. fuck that. I never wanted a generic lifestyle. I never want an ordinary life. I want to squeeze every bit of experience i can get out of it while im alive. I just moved to florida. i want to chill the hell out. I am smart. i do know what is going on in my life and the world. moreso than alot of people. So im chillin in my free time. guitar and reading . Im also working full time like slave and im glad like . Im saving money. I really wanna chill and get my priorities straight. And you know what? its working. I can go to school whenever i want. am i justifying the situation im in? fuck yea.

I want to travel. My goal is to save enough- and go to europe for…awhile. maybe go to school there. I dont know. I really dont know. I plan on interning at a realtors office, while getting my realtors license. make more money. but the possibilities are endless.

2:52 PM

hmm hmm good

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

hmm hmm good
Summer is ending. quickly.

thats if you look at it from a seasonal standpoint. so dont. Think of it as a life thing. Make summer your life. “Summer, n. 2: A period of fruition, fulfillment, happiness, or beauty. ”

man. 8 months and $500 later- MY JEEP GETS FIXED. but ill wait another 2 weeks before i see it. hmph.

music’s been my ongoing inspiration. you should listen to it. its good stuff. Ive arrived at a odd place in my life. im staring at a fork in the road. but i notice several other paths. im checking them out one by one. I hope i find what im looking for cause im not gonna give up looking.

I find that people are so damn judgmental. It hurts to see people being judged- it hurts to be judged. everyone knows this. and everyone seems to do it. im not an exception, i just recognize it. the way you are is constantly being critcized and critiqued. from the shoes you proudly wear , to your favorite vintage belt, to your sandwashed jeans that comfortably developed holes in all the right places. the conversations we carry on, the way we carry them. Your unique vocab may not be up to par with someones standards. Notes are being jotted down on your hygiene- The folds in your shirt are being examined and…….. blah blah. no ones safe. even from the people you love. God says he doesnt judge anyone until they die. why should i?

6:20 PM

hmm hmm good

Summer is ending. quickly.

That’s if you look at it from a seasonal standpoint. So don’t. Think of it as a life thing. Make summer your life. “Summer, n. 2: A period of fruition, fulfillment, happiness, or beauty. ”

man. 8 months and $500 later- MY JEEP GETS FIXED. but ill wait another 2 weeks before i see it. hmph.

music’s been my ongoing inspiration. you should listen to it. its good stuff. Ive arrived at a odd place in my life. I’m staring at a fork in the road. but i notice several other paths. I’m checking them out one by one. I hope I find what I’m looking for cause I’m not gonna give up looking.

I find that people are so damn judgmental. It hurts to see people being judged- it hurts to be judged. everyone knows this. and everyone seems to do it. im not an exception, i just recognize it. the way you are is constantly being critcized and critiqued. from the shoes you proudly wear , to your favorite vintage belt, to your sandwashed jeans that comfortably developed holes in all the right places. the conversations we carry on, the way we carry them. Your unique vocab may not be up to par with someones standards. Notes are being jotted down on your hygiene- The folds in your shirt are being examined and…….. blah blah. no ones safe. even from the people you love. God says he doesn’t judge anyone until they die. why should i?

6:20 PM

Lying

lying

Im sitting next to dead air while there is a garden of life outside my window. With this wooden chair sapping the life out of my body, i ask myself how much longer ill live. Ill walk and rub my face into the the wind. Skipping the cracks that divide my steps and grabbing onto passing trees. Humming myself a melody and look toward the setting sun- green lawnchairs are great for resting i mumbled. i found that lying in wet grass is more comforting than most feeble arms.

10:35 AM

lying

Friday, August 05, 2005

lying
Im sitting next to dead air while there is a garden of life outside my window. With this wooden chair sapping the life out of my body, i ask myself how much longer ill live. Ill walk and rub my face into the the wind. Skipping the cracks that divide my steps and grabbing onto passing trees. Humming myself a melody and look toward the setting sun- green lawnchairs are great for resting i mumbled. i found that lying in wet grass is more comforting than most feeble arms.

SummeR – WooT

SummeR – WooT
Current mood: happy
Update:

SO ive been managing my time nicely. I have been allll around this summer- and i still set time aside for myself. yesterday i went to the kava bar- saw so many fine lookin ladies that i havent seen in forever. I havent been to the beach in a few days, and i find that very perturbing. i need to do that asap. hm… started workin- its been aight. Bar backing at Spotos Oakwood Grill on PGA- so save up and come visit. I had two friends from NJ come down. It was pretty sweet- even tho we did absolutely nothing. They were happy to be here so it didnt matter. So goshhhhhhhhhh what else…. um.. man. Guitar. playing alot alot. and ive been reading. i like it. The shins are so damn good. LISTEN TO THE SHINS- ALL OF YOU. ha

Currently listening:
Chutes Too Narrow
By The Shins
Release date: 21 October, 2003
12:06 PM

SummeR – WooT

SummeR – WooT
Current mood: happy
Update:

SO ive been managing my time nicely. I have been allll around this summer- and i still set time aside for myself. yesterday i went to the kava bar- saw so many fine lookin ladies that i havent seen in forever. I havent been to the beach in a few days, and i find that very perturbing. i need to do that asap. hm… started workin- its been aight. Bar backing at Spotos Oakwood Grill on PGA- so save up and come visit. I had two friends from NJ come down. It was pretty sweet- even tho we did absolutely nothing. They were happy to be here so it didnt matter. So goshhhhhhhhhh what else…. um.. man. Guitar. playing alot alot. and ive been reading. i like it. The shins are so damn good. LISTEN TO THE SHINS- ALL OF YOU. ha

Currently listening:
Chutes Too Narrow
By The Shins
Release date: 21 October, 2003
12:06 PM

Compilation of posts: June 27-July 28

Thursday, July 28, 2005 


Current mood:  happy

Update:

SO ive been managing my time nicely. I have been allll around this summer- and i still set time aside for myself. yesterday i went to the kava bar- saw so many fine lookin ladies that i havent seen in forever. I havent been to the beach in a few days, and i find that very perturbing. i need to do that asap. hm… started workin- its been aight. Bar backing at Spotos Oakwood Grill on PGA- so save up and come visit. I had two friends from NJ come down. It was pretty sweet- even tho we did absolutely nothing. They were happy to be here so it didnt matter. So goshhhhhhhhhh what else…. um.. man. Guitar.  playing alot alot. and ive been reading. i like it. The shins are so damn good. LISTEN TO THE SHINS- ALL OF YOU. ha 😉

Currently listening:
Chutes Too Narrow
By The Shins
Release date: 21 October, 2003
 
Saturday, July 23, 2005 

sometimes you need to run away. or be rescued. im looking to be rescued. help.

 
Monday, July 18, 2005 

I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hanging on
To all that might have been

 

 

 
Sunday, July 17, 2005 

Last night was pretty much amazing. Went to la fonda and Salsa danced into the night for sebastians b-day. Pregame was at sebs poolhouse where salsa lessons were given and massive amounts of alcohol was consumed in a very short period of time. we piled into a big’ol van and partied till we got there. i had so much fun. there was minor drama that occurred which sucks but its all good.  Everyone was REALLY drunk. I was laughing the whole night. i woke up in the middle of the floor in some random house with no furniture. I realized that i was laying next to about 6 other people who were unconscious and scattered about the room, all chillin with no blankets. Just the lovely feel of carpet. that made me laugh. I remember eating weird food at the this latino club and drinking weird beverages. it was cooooool—

THEN- made my way to sebs house, passed out till 130- woke and went to sebs poolhouse for a huge barbacue with like 40 people. volleyball, drunkpeople, swimming, MLS on TV goin on, dancing, fun fun funnnnnn. now im tired and im gonna take a shower, clean up and pass out.

 
Saturday, July 16, 2005 

everyone over reacts. no one sees the big picture.

I propose that everyone lets go of mindless thoughts that hold you back from living life to its fullest. Seeing people recognize that everyone is not perfect, and that everyone is just as capable as the person next to them- capable of good and bad.

 
Sunday, July 10, 2005 

i find people funny. i will tell you this. i find it funny that people complain about people complaining. it makes me laugh. what are you saying? that your complaints are more valid than thiers.  really its funny. i find it humorous that people take the time to complain about those people. about the people they dont like. I just recently noticed a trend beginnning. its: Complain and complain some more about the people you dont like and who comaplain, and put it in your profile. i get a laugh. people are funny.

 
Friday, July 08, 2005 


Current mood:  happy

so i get a job. woot. its actually a real job. no honky dorey stuff. a desk job… for whom? why none other than Maverick skate shop. so i sit at a desk all day and order clothes and pick out clothes and talk to vendors and reps and all that jazz. its pretty cool feeling professional. its even cooler when i sit at a desk. whoa.

money = REALLY GOOOD

Currently listening:
In Love and Death
By The Used
Release date: 28 September, 2004
 
Wednesday, July 06, 2005 

i love partying. esp sober.and i love girls 😉

 

 

the beach is my home- go there or be a hermit-pah

 
Friday, July 01, 2005 


Current mood:  happy

i want everyone to know— that i love everyone. im sober now and i am having the happiest days of my life. going to parties sober is a whole different experience. i dont need to drink or pop pills or smoke or do all that other trash in order to forget my insecurities in order to have a good time. never thought id ever ever say that. and i dont think anyone would ever ever imagine me saying that. no longer am i a slave to myself. everyday is good. and when it gets bad, i still have the option to make the best of it. no longer is fun a partying experience- everyminute of my life is fun. i love my friends and the people that support me. i always have good times partying with my bottled water. ha. im even more thankful for those who never gave up on me through my trials. i am so gratetful.

singing in the car- to anything. wrestling in beds. yelling and jumping. meeting random people in random places and having fun all the while. soaking up the sun- basking in sweat- swimming to the sand bars-going surfing even if its just wind chop to paddle around- shell fights. ha. getting buried in the sand. rekindling old friendships.silly. kisses and hugs. movies. late night anything. staying in shape. woooot. the list goes on. and i remember every minute of it.  

Currently listening:
Sublime
By Sublime
Release date: 30 July, 1996
 
Monday, June 27, 2005 

Im bored… and its raining.

soo…ill fill you in on what my summer routines been lookin like. wake up round  8. run around jupiter till i cant breath or feel my legs. lift. eat breakfast. shower. read for an hour. hop online. check the weather. check the surf report. make phone calls. get out of the house by 12. go out all day. eat in between. run again.  go out all night. stay sober. go to bed by an early hour. structure is hot.

Salsa

Salsa

Last night was pretty much amazing. Went to la fonda and Salsa danced into the night for sebastians b-day. Pregame was at sebs poolhouse where salsa lessons were given and massive amounts of alcohol was consumed in a very short period of time. we piled into a big’ol van and partied till we got there. i had so much fun. there was minor drama that occurred which sucks but its all good. Everyone was REALLY drunk. I was laughing the whole night. i woke up in the middle of the floor in some random house with no furniture. I realized that i was laying next to about 6 other people who were unconscious and scattered about the room, all chillin with no blankets. Just the lovely feel of carpet. that made me laugh. I remember eating weird food at the this latino club and drinking weird beverages. it was cooooool—

THEN- made my way to sebs house, passed out till 130- woke and went to sebs poolhouse for a huge barbacue with like 40 people. volleyball, drunkpeople, swimming, MLS on TV goin on, dancing, fun fun funnnnnn. now im tired and im gonna take a shower, clean up and pass out.

4:35 PM

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Saturday, June 25, 2005

I BET YOURE JEALOUS NOW
i got a new kitty. i bet youre jealous now. his names Hart – and hes a gangsta.

so today i had meetings all day. Important people, job interviews, small groups, etc., Got a new job and have another pending (PRAY I GET IT-MUCHO DALLORES) i surfed all day- nice and fun waves. got some sun.. hm… went to small groups tonight… went out hung out with alot of people i hadnt seen in the longest time. fun fun fun. ooo and i got my kitty.

7:04 AM

Compilation of posts: May 28- June 25

Saturday, June 25, 2005 

surfed all day in fort pierce. 1-4 ft waves…. fun tho. got a lil sunburn.

 
Saturday, June 25, 2005 

i got a new kitty. i bet youre jealous now. his names Hart  – and hes a gangsta.

 

so today i had meetings all day. Important people, job interviews, small groups, etc., Got a new job and have another pending (PRAY I GET IT-MUCHO DALLORES) i surfed all day- nice and fun waves. got some sun.. hm… went to small groups tonight… went out hung out with alot of people i hadnt seen in the longest time. fun fun fun. ooo and i got my kitty.

 
Friday, June 24, 2005 

Interesting test… tell me if you think the results are accurate about me. ha.
 

Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 66%
Stability |||||||||||||| 56%
Orderliness |||||||||| 36%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hedonism |||| 16%
Materialism |||||| 30%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 50%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||| 16%
Need to dominate |||||||||| 36%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70%
Wealth |||||||||||||||| 63%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||| 23%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Sexuality |||||||||| 36%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||| 43%
Physical fitness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Female cliche |||||||||| 36%
trait snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting
 
Big Five Test Results

Extroversion ||||||||||||||||

64%

Orderliness |||||||||||| 44%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||| 58%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 66%
Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 86%

 
Wednesday, June 22, 2005 

Lets destroy each other because we’re too cool for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine. Smoke me baby like your last cigarette and whisper to me- say you’ll never forget. Could you break my heart a little more? Shove my body against yours and kiss me like you mean it 😉

 

Yea i got another lil tat-post pictures later.

 
Sunday, June 19, 2005 

 "i am forever working on finding you a reason to breath on" she said with a smile. my heart lightened and the grass grew all around us. she will be mine. no longer will i wrestle with the dregs of guilt or conviction. if its watering you want youve come to the right heart. i will spill mine as  long as my heart beats for you. ive wispered this dream to myself before- id like to wisper it to you.

 i disappeared. i will disappear. i got involved with the wrong people. involved with the wrong places. involved with the wrong things. i am ok. im not dead. i will be better.

 
Wednesday, June 15, 2005 

fuck you all.

 
Sunday, June 12, 2005 

so yea. i got kicked out of my house. petty bullshit i think.. no cell, no home phone. if you wanna reach me leave me a message and eventually i might recieve it. 

 
Saturday, June 04, 2005 

Never thought i’d say this but: i think im bored with drugs and alcohol. wow.SXE for me HA

 
Tuesday, May 31, 2005 

500pm Monday after noon.  gettin high at the figure 8. with jesse and jarod. Dino calls me. hes with Devin and Eric. We meet up. Jarod and jesse go home. i go with Dino. We chill. Took some shots of GM and wiskey. went to the beach. skim boarded. came home. decided that we should get drunk. no beer.

Dino has a stroke of genius. He dresses up in hobo clothes, a big jean jacket, a winter hat  a 2 foot scraggly beard and aviator glasses. he incorporates a haggard drunk strung out voice to accomadate the attire. We go to sunoco, he goes in and comes back out. With 2 12 packs of BL!. wooooot.

we go back to dinos, pound 6 beers each. listen to dino jam on the guitar. we rate the songs that are goin on his new CD. awesome shit. smoke cigarettes. I officially got branded last night. the infamous heart on the right hand. it means= I am committed to going to colorado with dino the crew as soon as possible. (when i get out of the marines.) we decide to go on a drunken adventure. we walk to the BEACH. we’re singing loudly, dancing in the road, hootin and hollaring. laughing. get to the beach. watch the lightning storm thats far out at sea. sit on the beach and chill. We notice a LARGE mass moving on the shore. we’re like is that a turtle. we run up. ITS A 300lb SEA TURTLE. WE SHIT. so crazy. we’re all touchin it and tryin to pick it up. unfortunately it overpowered up and pulled us into the ocean before we let go.so we walk , totally stoked that we just saw a friggen SEA TURTLE. we’re hungry. THIRSTY TURTLE WINGS. its like 1130. they’re kitchen is closed. they tell us to go to Kirbys. we venture to kirbys. JUST IN TIME to witness ladies getting naked for money. ofcourse us young bucks get excited and started throwin money around. A 30 year old GUIDANCE counselor from Ohio is on the bar stool givin us a peep show for our dollar bills. WHAT THE F. how crazy is that. we’re all drunk and order wings while all this mayhem at the bar is goin on. naked women crazy stuff. eat our wings. arm wrestling goin on.  some 35 yearold dude is arm wrestling my friends while we sit outside and shoot the shit. hes like arm wrestle me. im like ok. i beat this guy. i dont think ive seen a guy so humiliated. an 18 year old drunk kid beat this 35 year old. i found it funny. 6 tries later i still beat him. funniest shit ever. ppl are drunk and rowdy. guys are doin back flips and walkin around on thier hands. wow. drunk ladies (with their husbands) are tellin us about the amazing head they give. my friends are all about this. haha. hittin on these older women like theyre gonna get some. it was funny. we go back to dinos, drink some more. smoke a bowl. chill out. listen to music. and…. pass out. wake up. its morning. have a grit and coffee.  its pouring out. Lets go to the beach. we get up, put on some dirty shorts and go to the beach. skim board and shit. its all shitty out and we look like lunatics runnin around the streets half naked. go back to his house shower off and go home. what a night.

 

That was my monday night.

 
Saturday, May 28, 2005 

i worked till 1130. dropped some E (yay). went to a beach party. fighting everywhere. people everywhere. dont know whats goin on. no more alcohol. kegs dry. whatev.ppl r everywhere.  po po roll up. outta nowhere. i realize the situation at hand. i shit and run my ass off to the car. i dive head first in some bushes so that i might be able to elude the blue monsters. run on the beach for a good, eh, fuckin mile.. (felt like it) find the car. get in. go to taco bell to chill out and figure out what the fuck happened. watch police and abulences spontaneously spawn from every corner of jupiter. heard that someone died. (seriously tho) im freakin out. but dont care cause im rollin. i call bunches of ppl up. leave a few dozen messages. pick up a 12 pack. go back to my house where i was gonna have ppl over.  go to my neighbors house. party. brooke calls me back. told her i wanted to see her. she said stop by in this newhaven party. go there. rollin balls. drank 10 beers. really drunk. dont remember fine details. i liked everyone at the house i was at. i go home round 3. chill at my neighbors. talk to gay guys about life. very enlightening. im rollin till about 6 this morning. i see the sun peak its rays over the horizon. i realize i should probably go to bed. i had work at 10 this morning.

that was my friday night.

Very Interesting- Comment

Friday, June 24, 2005

Very Interesting- Comment
Interesting test… tell me if you think the results are accurate about me. ha.

Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 66%
Stability |||||||||||||| 56%
Orderliness |||||||||| 36%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hedonism |||| 16%
Materialism |||||| 30%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 50%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||| 16%
Need to dominate |||||||||| 36%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70%
Wealth |||||||||||||||| 63%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||| 23%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Sexuality |||||||||| 36%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||| 43%
Physical fitness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Female cliche |||||||||| 36%
trait snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting

Big Five Test Results
Extroversion |||||||||||||||| 64%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 44%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||| 58%
Altruism |||||||||||||||| 66%
Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
12:39 AM

I got a new tattoo

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I got a new tattoo

Lets destroy each other because we’re too cool for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine. Smoke me baby like your last cigarette and whisper to me- say you’ll never forget. Could you break my heart a little more? Shove my body against yours and kiss me like you mean it 😉

Yea i got another lil tat-post pictures later.

9:17 PM

I got a new tattoo

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I got a new tattoo
Lets destroy each other because we’re too cool for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine. Smoke me baby like your last cigarette and whisper to me- say you’ll never forget. Could you break my heart a little more? Shove my body against yours and kiss me like you mean it

Yea i got another lil tat-post pictures later.

9:17 PM

My spotless mind

my spotless mind

“i am forever working on finding you a reason to breath on” she said with a smile. my heart lightened and the grass grew all around us. she will be mine. no longer will i wrestle with the dregs of guilt or conviction. if its watering you want youve come to the right heart. i will spill mine as long as my heart beats for you. ive wispered this dream to myself before- id like to wisper it to you.

i disappeared. i will disappear. i got involved with the wrong people. involved with the wrong places. involved with the wrong things. i am ok. im not dead. i will be better.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

my spotless mind

Sunday, June 19, 2005

my spotless mind
“i am forever working on finding you a reason to breath on” she said with a smile. my heart lightened and the grass grew all around us. she will be mine. no longer will i wrestle with the dregs of guilt or conviction. if its watering you want youve come to the right heart. i will spill mine as long as my heart beats for you. ive wispered this dream to myself before- id like to wisper it to you.
i disappeared. i will disappear. i got involved with the wrong people. involved with the wrong places. involved with the wrong things. i am ok. im not dead. i will be better.

9:46 PM

My Monday Night

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

My Monday Night

500pm Monday after noon. gettin high at the figure 8. with jesse and jarod. Dino calls me. hes with Devin and Eric. We meet up. Jarod and jesse go home. i go with Dino. We chill. Took some shots of GM and wiskey. went to the beach. skim boarded. came home. decided that we should get drunk. no beer.

Dino has a stroke of genius. He dresses up in hobo clothes, a big jean jacket, a winter hat a 2 foot scraggly beard and aviator glasses. he incorporates a haggard drunk strung out voice to accomadate the attire. We go to sunoco, he goes in and comes back out. With 2 12 packs of BL!. wooooot.

we go back to dinos, pound 6 beers each. listen to dino jam on the guitar. we rate the songs that are goin on his new CD. awesome shit. smoke cigarettes. I officially got branded last night. the infamous heart on the right hand. it means= I am committed to going to colorado with dino the crew as soon as possible. (when i get out of the marines.) we decide to go on a drunken adventure. we walk to the BEACH. we’re singing loudly, dancing in the road, hootin and hollaring. laughing. get to the beach. watch the lightning storm thats far out at sea. sit on the beach and chill. We notice a LARGE mass moving on the shore. we’re like is that a turtle. we run up. ITS A 300lb SEA TURTLE. WE SHIT. so crazy. we’re all touchin it and tryin to pick it up. unfortunately it overpowered up and pulled us into the ocean before we let go.so we walk , totally stoked that we just saw a friggen SEA TURTLE. we’re hungry. THIRSTY TURTLE WINGS. its like 1130. they’re kitchen is closed. they tell us to go to Kirbys. we venture to kirbys. JUST IN TIME to witness ladies getting naked for money. ofcourse us young bucks get excited and started throwin money around. A 30 year old GUIDANCE counselor from Ohio is on the bar stool givin us a peep show for our dollar bills. WHAT THE F. how crazy is that. we’re all drunk and order wings while all this mayhem at the bar is goin on. naked women crazy stuff. eat our wings. arm wrestling goin on. some 35 yearold dude is arm wrestling my friends while we sit outside and shoot the shit. hes like arm wrestle me. im like ok. i beat this guy. i dont think ive seen a guy so humiliated. an 18 year old drunk kid beat this 35 year old. i found it funny. 6 tries later i still beat him. funniest shit ever. ppl are drunk and rowdy. guys are doin back flips and walkin around on thier hands. wow. drunk ladies (with their husbands) are tellin us about the amazing head they give. my friends are all about this. haha. hittin on these older women like theyre gonna get some. it was funny. we go back to dinos, drink some more. smoke a bowl. chill out. listen to music. and…. pass out. wake up. its morning. have a grit and coffee. its pouring out. Lets go to the beach. we get up, put on some dirty shorts and go to the beach. skim board and shit. its all shitty out and we look like lunatics runnin around the streets half naked. go back to his house shower off and go home. what a night.

That was my monday night.

7:34 PM

My friday night.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

My friday night.

i worked till 1130. dropped some E (yay). went to a beach party. fighting everywhere. people everywhere. dont know whats goin on. no more alcohol. kegs dry. whatev.ppl r everywhere. po po roll up. outta nowhere. i realize the situation at hand. i shit and run my ass off to the car. i dive head first in some bushes so that i might be able to elude the blue monsters. run on the beach for a good, eh, fuckin mile.. (felt like it) find the car. get in. go to taco bell to chill out and figure out what the fuck happened. watch police and abulences spontaneously spawn from every corner of jupiter. heard that someone died. (seriously tho) im freakin out. but dont care cause im rollin. i call bunches of ppl up. leave a few dozen messages. pick up a 12 pack. go back to my house where i was gonna have ppl over. go to my neighbors house. party. brooke calls me back. told her i wanted to see her. she said stop by in this newhaven party. go there. rollin balls. drank 10 beers. really drunk. dont remember fine details. i liked everyone at the house i was at. i go home round 3. chill at my neighbors. talk to gay guys about life. very enlightening. im rollin till about 6 this morning. i see the sun peak its rays over the horizon. i realize i should probably go to bed. i had work at 10 this morning.

that was my friday night.

9:17 PM

Saturday, May 28, 2005

My friday night.
i worked till 1130. dropped some E (yay). went to a beach party. fighting everywhere. people everywhere. dont know whats goin on. no more alcohol. kegs dry. whatev.ppl r everywhere. po po roll up. outta nowhere. i realize the situation at hand. i shit and run my ass off to the car. i dive head first in some bushes so that i might be able to elude the blue monsters. run on the beach for a good, eh, fuckin mile.. (felt like it) find the car. get in. go to taco bell to chill out and figure out what the fuck happened. watch police and abulences spontaneously spawn from every corner of jupiter. heard that someone died. (seriously tho) im freakin out. but dont care cause im rollin. i call bunches of ppl up. leave a few dozen messages. pick up a 12 pack. go back to my house where i was gonna have ppl over. go to my neighbors house. party. brooke calls me back. told her i wanted to see her. she said stop by in this newhaven party. go there. rollin balls. drank 10 beers. really drunk. dont remember fine details. i liked everyone at the house i was at. i go home round 3. chill at my neighbors. talk to gay guys about life. very enlightening. im rollin till about 6 this morning. i see the sun peak its rays over the horizon. i realize i should probably go to bed. i had work at 10 this morning.
that was my friday night.

9:17 PM

Compilation of posts: May 11-May 25th

Tuesday, May 24, 2005 

before the end of this summer i plan on hitchhiking to california. hitchhiking,busses, taxis, river. whatever. i plan on going out there for about a month. Staying at some friends houses and what not. This is totally random. and im so fucking serious about it. im 18 and i have no serious commitments so i wont be fucking myself over. i plan on getting up and disappearing on an adventure for a good while. i suppose ill save up a bit. then bam im gone LA.. im there.

 
Sunday, May 22, 2005 

When we met light was shed Thoughts free flow you said you’ve got something Deep inside of you A wind chime voice sound, sway of your hips round rings true It goes deep inside of you These secret garden beams, changed my life so it seems Fall breeze blows outside, I don’t break stride My thoughts are warm And they go deep inside of you And I never felt alone, ’till I met you Friends say I’ve changed, I don’t listen ’cause I live to be Deep inside of you Slide of her dress, shouts in darkness, I’m so alive I’m deep inside of you You said boy make girl feel good But still, deep inside, still I’ve never felt alone ‘Till I met you I’m all right on my own And then I met you And I’d know what to do if I just knew what’s coming I would change myself if I could I’d walk with my people if I could find them And I’d say that I’m sorry to you I’m sorry to you And I don’t want to call you But then I want to call you ’cause I don’t want to crush you But I feel like crushing you And it’s true I took for granted you were with me I breathe by your looks and you look right through me And we were broke and didn’t know And we were broke and didn’t know And we were broke and didn’t know Something’s gone, you withdraw and I’m not strong like before I was Deep inside of you I can go nowhere I burn candles and stare at a ghost Deep inside of you And some great need in me starts to bleed I’ve lost myself there’s nothing left, it’s all gone Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you song lyrics are amazing! even without the music to accompany the carefully orchestrated arrangment of words. but you all knew that.

 
Saturday, May 21, 2005 

god my heart has never hurt so bad in all of my life. its the worst pain ever.

 
Friday, May 20, 2005 

"Save yourself. Because the only thing that matters is that you get away from the pain and the thought of losing your mind. Don’t blame yourself. It was everyone around you who made you act this way. There’s the stage and your chance to watch it go down. Don’t fake yourself into ever, ever thinking about yesterday. That was then, this is now. Don’t call it undone. Don’t take what you’ve been dealt. You can exit out the back and make your getaway before anyone can see the damage you have done. This time is the last time so be here now. This time is the last time. Somehow make it through. State your case. You’ve got everyone’s attention. What can you say? Thanks or forget what you’ve been given. Take your place. Do you think that you deserve the best of everything? We don’t get why you’re here. Can you figure it out? This time is the last time so be here, here now. You’ve got to get away. Oh, I get lost in the thought of losing you. You’ve got to get away. I know it’s a dream but it must be true. Wave now goodbye. It’s the lesson that you’ve been given. You can always move on to better things. "

 
Thursday, May 19, 2005 

my whole family went vegetarian. my sisters went vegan. ok. now… i dont mind the fact that they dont eat animals or whatever. not a problem with me. but the current situation in my refrigerator disturbs me. NOT ONE MEAT PRODUCT. yea. we got the organic cow milk. thats the only animals product in the midst of soymilk, tofu, and an array of hardcore vegetable, bean, and rice combinations. so its discomforting when my manly instincts kick in, and i get a hunger for some hardcore beef or maybe just a suculent chicken breast to munch on, and THERE ISNT A PIECE OF MEAT IN THE WHOLE house. yea. thought id share that with you. i also wanna share that i currently found out that fast food restaurants serve grade E meat. ALPO and other dog food manufacturers use grade D meat to make thier reknown dog food. choice eh. never eat fast fooooood.

 
Monday, May 16, 2005 

"thinking listening searching i am aware of the time as it escapes into oblivion. no cute fits of laughter will save us now. we’re looking into the long haul and we’ve got scars as reminders. shes looking out her window, over the roofs and into my room. if only i felt safe enough to escape with you than we’d take to the places we’ve dreampt of together. over the seas and onto the fields where we would be wild together forever. dawns never to late to come home. ive got tea for two and arms for you. and just because i forgot your name doesnt mean i forgot your face. ill be waiting for you as long as these memories remain my sunshine." *smile*

 
Saturday, May 14, 2005 

my life is crazy. im not confused. i know what i want. i know what i like. i know who i like. i dont have problems with people. i dont want problems with people. i do what i want when i feel its necessary. i cant please every one in the world. im in total control of my life because i know i have no control of my life. i am no better than anyone. and no one is better than me. im tired of confusion and hurt. i dont appreciate mean people. people that go out of their way to make someone feel bad. thats a mean person. i dont care if people hurt me, people can do thier worst. ill still be here. no matter waht the circumstances. i dont like when other people hurt. i dont like hurting people. i want the best for people. im not out to get anyone. i dont want drama. i want people in my life who know what the hell they want and are certain of it. learn to appreciate that life is what you make it and how you see it. the circumstances dont make you content. being content with what you have for however long you have it is what makes life grand. i dont ever wanna be not content again. i want carefree. i want simple.

im fuckin 18 years old. i have a summer ahead of me then the marines. i am going to take full advantage of my youth and the adventure this summer has to offer. and nothing will stop me.

Currently listening:
Funeral
By The Arcade Fire
Release date: 14 September, 2004
 
Thursday, May 12, 2005 

i dont know what happened yesterday. airport. beach. ppl. roads. skateboards. so confusing.

 
Wednesday, May 11, 2005 

um. beach. skateboarding(in the rain). smoking. roadtrips. smoking. parties. new people. new places. new food. money. alot of fun. fancy that. all at once. i love it.

Compilation of posts: April 24- May 8

Sunday, May 08, 2005 

The hand of my clock strikes two In times when I got the best of you We made promises we couldn’t keep And every night we couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know why, but didn’t ask questions because it was the first time in my life, yeah the first time in my life Where I, did something right. I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time You pick me apart While I search for witty things to say (In my defense) "You’ll never amount to anything anyway" (Don’t press your luck, don’t press your luck) And think that I’m impressed with your one night stands and your contagious kiss I’m trying to get this right Yeah, cause I’m ridiculous like that I’ll keep this as A constant reminder Of the nights I spent holding onto her And rest assured I’m moving on I miss you less, with each day your gone (your gone)

 
Saturday, May 07, 2005 

Untie me, I’ve said no vows The train is getting way too loud I gotta leave here my girl Get on with my lonely life Just leave the ring on the rail For the wheels to nullify Until this turn in my head I let you stay and you paid no rent I spent twelve long months on the lam That’s enough sitting on the fence For the fear of breaking dams I find a fatal flaw In the logic of love And go out of my head You love a sinking stone That’ll never elope So get used to the lonesome Girl, you must atone some Don’t leave me no phone number there It took me all of a year To put the poison pill to your ear But now I stand on honest ground, on honest ground You want to fight for this love But honey you cannot wrestle a dove So baby it’s clear You want to jump and dance But you sat on your hands And lost your only chance Go back to your hometown Get your feet on the ground And stop floating around I find a fatal flaw In the logic of love And go out of my head You love a sinking stone That’ll never elope So get used to used to the lonesome Girl, you must atone some Don’t leave me no phone number there to a special someone.

 
Wednesday, May 04, 2005 

If I had a dime for every time you walked away, I could afford to not give a shit and buy a drink and drown the day But your pockets, they are empty, yeh, and mine are times two So why not make an about-face, and accept the love I send to you? You’re never gonna be content if you font try, try to see outside your line. There you go, you did it again! You act as if there’s binder on your eyes. Should I apologize if what I say burns your ears and stains your eyes?! Oh, did I crack your shell? When it falls away, you’ll see we exist as well! Like a bottle with the cork stuck, your true ingredients trapped inside. Through the cloudy glass we catch a glimpse of you, I guess the hard shell represents your pride. Oh, if only it could be different we could uncover the you, you deny. Between two, a small discrepancy, one complicates and one simplifies. TAKE THOSE FUCKING BLINDERS OFF YOUR EYES!! So if I had a dime for every time you walked away, you could bet your bottom dollar that I’d be filthy rich by noon today

 
 
Wednesday, May 04, 2005 

im young. ive got years ahead of me. i can smoke drink and do whatever else i wanna do. im free. no major bills. no major responsiblity. i am capable of doing whatever i want. im growing up and i gotta take every scabbed knee like its my last. i gotta be as rowdy as possible. take advantage of youth. Could I make it all up to you by serving coffee for two in bed, would you then give me the time of day.I need a map of your head, translated into english so I can learn to not make you frown. Feel better if you vent, put your frustrations into four letter words and let them out on mine, The most weathered ears in town! Say what u will, Say what u mean, No, you could never offend. Your dirty words come out clean

 
Tuesday, May 03, 2005 

Im going to renegades tonight… never been. suppose to be a bachelors paradise… but i dunno… country line dancing… not my style. we’ll see tho……. schools a bitch…annddd…. summers almost here. andddd i like this song. I don’t mind you comin’ here and wastin’ all my time ’cause when you’re standin’ oh so near I kinda lose my mind it’s not the perfume that you wear it’s not the ribbons in your hair I don’t mind you comin’ here and wastin’ all my time I don’t mind you hangin’ out and talkin’ in your sleep it doesn’t matter where you’ve been as long as it was deep, yeah you always knew to wear it well and you look so fancy I can tell I don’t mind you hangin’ out and talkin’ in your sleep I guess you’re just what I needed

 
Sunday, May 01, 2005 

so i decided im gonna be famous. how? well… im gonna live the craziest life a man can possibly live… get into as much shit as humanly possible… experience more things than anyone person should experience… and write a book about it. fuck yea. im already half way there and everyday continually brings more and more shit to tell about. im tired of the traditional lifestyles everyones living… im really tired of watching it on TV and reading about it in the newspapers… im gonna make sure i fuckin get off my ass… and get involved with a massive "Things to do" list… and start doing them.

 
Friday, April 29, 2005 

i got like 3 rolls of film… for laziness sake im putting up a whopping 5 pics.enjoy. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com

 
Thursday, April 28, 2005 

Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers and laid entwined together on a bed of clover and left there to sleep, left there to dream of their happiness.

 
Monday, April 25, 2005 

ok… ive decided that blondes are better. no offense to all you that lack the blonde quality. i did the black/brown hair thing… not cuttin it. im glad im a blonde once again. yea…i missed it.

 
Sunday, April 24, 2005 

It’s over You don’t need to tell me I hope you’re with someone who makes you feel safe in your sleeping tonight I won’t kill myself, trying to stay in your life I got no distance left to run When you see me Please turn your back and walk away I don’t want to see you Cos i know the dreams that you keep is wearing me When your coming down, think of me here I got no distance left to run It’s over, I knew it would end this way I hope you’re with someone who makes you feel That this life is the night And it settles down, stays around Spends more time with you I got no distance left to run

Currently listening:
13
By Blur
Release date: 23 March, 1999

Compilation of posts: April 13- April 22

Friday, April 22, 2005 

i drive myself fucking crazy. i fucking hate it. i hate fucking analyzing shit. i hate pretending like i have it figured out. i fucking hate when i think im right. i hate driving people crazy. i hate hurting people. fuck me.

 
Thursday, April 21, 2005 

i love life.

 
Wednesday, April 20, 2005 

ahhhhhhhhhhh thats me releasing bundled energy. im ready to get out. GO FAR. im feeling a random adventure to a far off place. i need to go. go go go. get away. vacation… away from the normality of life. although theres nothing normal about life. i need away from structure and expectations. i wanna goooo. where i dont know. i wanna buy a map of the US. and just book it… tooooo… whereever the small roads will take me. its time i do some exploring. i miss the adventure my life use to contain. i need more. adventure…. i miss romance… i miss fighting for causes. where are the causes and why am i not fighting. i need something. someone to fight for. or…. so im gonna start discarding the old and adopting the new. i need to lighten up. i always forget lifes fuckin sweet. but you gotta make it sweet… since when do adventures come to you on your couch? since when did romance knock on your door? you gotta go out and get it. i know plenty of young ladies that needs some romance in thier life. one in particular. MARINES. i actually cant wait. thats my opprotunity for adventures and battles… or just me being need deep in shit for four years. oh well… experience nontheless. you can be happy if you choose to be. its quite literally a choice. i shouldnt need to remind myself of that… but i do. its a refreshing reminder anyway. wanna go to the beach and play the guitar… or… go night swimming.. thats fun. god i want night swimming.. i wanna get a lil drunk and walk on the beach.. pass out and look at the stars. so why dont i do it?… im gonna start now. PROM this weekend. should be an amazing time… although im not as excited as i originally was. im looking forward to see all of the amazing girls in our limo dress up.

 
Tuesday, April 19, 2005 

life goes on…and today is beautiful. i went surfing. i got tan, or red. however you choose to look at it. skateboarded alot. i want to breath in a field of flowers. i feel like running in an open field and jumping into a cool brook. or swinging off an old ropeswing into a flowing river. yea. i feel good. If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.

 
Sunday, April 17, 2005 

heart.

 
Sunday, April 17, 2005 

so i go on spontaneous binges. yesterday… i was like… yea… im gonna bleach my hair. im tired of black. so i friggen bleached it like… yellow… or as close to blonde as possible without having my hair fall out. awesome. so im blonde/yellow again. i want another tattoo. i wanna do crazy shit. i want to crash a car. thats an experience youll never forget. i wanna get drunk and pass out on the beach.. wake up to a sunrise with sand in my hair. i wanna get so stoned that i can talk for hours about nothing… as if its the most important thing ever. i wanna trip my face off and play guitar for hours and hours… and write pretty lyrics. and write. and draw trippy things… i wanna surfffff…. i havent gone in some time and i miss it so bad. and the beach is only like what… 3 miles away.. or whatever… poor excuse mike… i wanna friggen not give a shit about what anyone else thinks.. i forget that i dont and i find myself over thinking shit. i really only care about what i believe and know to be true. thats not dependent on anyone but me. hm…. some people are selfish. im one of those people. but i can admit it and say… im selfish.. im sorry… i really try not to be.. and i really do something about it. i wanna constantly refine my personality. its fun anyway. i wanna find new friends. experience new people. im half excited that im going to watch my life be torn from my fingers when i join the marines… its better than watching myself throw my life away. am i right? i wanna find a girl who’s always willing to put me in a good mood even if they arent. and i wanna always be the one that puts that girl in a good mood if she isnt. i want a girl that knows shes loved by me and thats good enough for her. i want a girl whose feelings arent dictated by my feelings. and i want to feel the same. jack johnson gets me hard. his music is amazing. the new CD is out of control. Prom in a week. woot. 21 PASSENGER FORD EXCURSION. hot. i dislike big bawlers. people who think they are always right. people who judge. people who prevent themselves from being friends with anyone and everyone to save face. or reputation. i want a reputation for not giving a shit about my reputation. ha.

Currently listening:
History for Sale
By Blue October
Release date: 05 August, 2003
 
Saturday, April 16, 2005 

im in a happy mood. its absolutely gorgeous outside. i want to go to the beach. i have so much to do today.

 
Thursday, April 14, 2005 

i dont want my heart to break for no reason. sometimes i find it necessary to break my own heart. i get complacent with my feelings and i become numb to the happenings around me. i have to hurt to feel again. people get upset with me for being insensitive. they dont realize its unintentional. although alot of times when i recognize the insensitive state i choose to stay cold… sometimes… i try far too hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. people try far to hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. i dont like being taken for granted.. and i do things to avoid being taken for granted. i dislike when people go out of thier way to give a shit… just so it can be noted that they gave a shit… when in their heart they dont give a fuck. they dont even make the effort to make thier efforts worthwhile. useless. i started lifting again.. i cant wait. i want to gain 20 lbs in the next 3 months. 185bs. i met my neighbor for the first time last week. shes an interesting person. fun. i like being creative. i like writing. ive been beingh creative and writing alot lately. its been… refreshing. i like expanding my mind. love is painful and difficult. its also absolutely amazing. i want to be in love forever.

 
Wednesday, April 13, 2005 

you live. than you die. lifes wonderful. everything in between are minute details. they make you smile… or they dont. i like smiling.