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Opinions are a personal thing. Especially critical opinions. The only time you need to voice your opinion is if you are asked to do so. Otherwise you’re just an ass.

I can break it down more if you want. but i think its pretty clear. 

ive been hanging out with so many different and new people. there is RARELY a dull moment in my life. and if there is- i made it like that- so i can appreciate how good its been. surfing surfing surfing. this week has been anticipated all summer. gooooood wavess…. so niceee….

this weekend should prove to be a very entertaining one. my gooooood friend has no parental supervision for the weeken 😉 use your imagination and you’ll see where im going with that one.

the only thing im missing are my girls. my girls. where are you?

Hold your head high heavy heart
Save your strength for the morning after.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.
If we don’t take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get.
If we don’t take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I’ve been planning something big, planning something big, planning.

I havent been logging in my thoughts and current events as often as i should. i do tooooo much, too often… but i should start.

SAT- yea… great day. GREAT day. i saw my favorite girls, while swimming and getting drunk, and driving around in my jeep like a mad man. it was grrreattt… but no one wants to hear about that.

SUNDAY-

me and my favorite hangout partners bought a few cases of beer and went to kedos bridge. (currently my ongoing favorite sunday pastime) i got… pretty drunk. went swimming. met a bunch of random people. really cool. bunch of people met up with us. so it was great. me and a few dudes and girls went to the mall after i was… feeling really good. so we make our way indoors. i get a phone call. my friend is outside… he almost gets jumped outside the mall. he isnt one to start shit, EVER.. and he was drunk… and it was 5 on him… so naturally… im drunk and i want to find these "thugs" and "talk it out"… so we jump in my jeep… i offroad through some back lawns near the mall and eventually roll up to these kids. before i say anything they taunt me. bad move. i park my jeep on the sidewalk. jump on the hood and proceed to negotiate with the 5 "tough guys". when that didnt work i beat the shit out of everyone. my good friend rolled up 5 sec later and helped me out.  so it was real good. tough guys. all 5. talkin shit. real tough, get thier asses beat by me. it was great. until they got scared and broke pots and shit. which is when the cops came, all 5,  and i was on the ground and hand cuffed and it was real shit. BUT- they let me go and my friend got off. 5 on 2. it was realllllly good. i was drunk so what.

so we celebrated by smoking some reefer and going offroading for the rest of the night- with a brief pizza break at BONZOS. yummy.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-*sigh*-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

someone.

😦

for her:

I was just bony hands as cold as a winter pole
You held a warm stone out new flowing blood to hold
Oh what a contrast you were
To the brutes in the halls
My timid young fingers held a decent animal.

Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick
Sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days were long.

Cool of a temperate breeze from dark skies to wet grass
We fell in a field it seems now a thousand summers passed
When our kite lines first crossed
We tied them into knots
And to finally fly apart
We had to cut them off.

Since then it’s been a book you read in reverse
So you understand less as the pages turn
Or a movie so crass
And awkardly cast
That even I could be the star.

I don’t look back as much as a rule
And all this way before murder was cool
But your memory is here and I’d like it to stay
Warm light on a winter day.

Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick
Sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days go slowly by
Two loose kites falling from the sky
Drawn to the ground and an end to flight.

so yea. Ive been chillin. no school. yea. no school. no college? yea. fuck that. I dont have the money right now- NOR do i have any clue as to what i want to do with my life. Im not gonna go to college just to "party it up" cause really ive already done shitloads of that. Why didnt i jump on the bandwagon and go to college like every other teen. well honestly-and if you were one of those people that jumped from highschool to college, thats great. godspeed and many blessings.- but im really not like any other teen. Oh wait. You didnt wanna go cuase you werent smart enough. Thats it. ok. I can do whatever the hell i wanna do. I can get whatever grades i wanna get. I can excel when i want to or i can not give a shit and just not care. Does this mean im not capable. um.. fuck that. I never wanted a generic lifestyle. I never want an ordinary life. I want to squeeze every bit of experience i can get out of it while im alive. I just moved to florida. i want to chill the hell out. I am smart. i do know what is going on in my life and the world. moreso than alot of people. So im chillin in my free time. guitar and reading . Im also working full time like slave and im glad like . Im saving money. I really wanna chill and get my priorities straight. And you know what? its working. I can go to school whenever i want. am i justifying the situation im in? fuck yea.

I want to travel. My goal is to save enough-  and go to europe for…awhile. maybe go to school there. I dont know. I really dont know. I plan on interning at a realtors office, while getting my realtors license. make more money. but the possibilities are endless.

Summer is ending. quickly.

thats if you look at it from a seasonal standpoint. so dont. Think of it as a life thing. Make summer your life. "Summer, n. 2: A period of fruition, fulfillment, happiness, or beauty. "  😉

man. 8 months and $500 later- MY JEEP GETS FIXED. but ill wait another 2 weeks before i see it. hmph. 

music’s been my ongoing inspiration. you should listen to it. its good stuff. Ive arrived at a odd place in my life. im staring at a fork in the road. but i notice several other paths. im checking them out one by one. I hope i find what im looking for cause im not gonna give up looking.

I find that people are so damn judgmental. It hurts to see people being judged- it hurts to be judged. everyone knows this. and everyone seems to do it. im not an exception, i just recognize it. the way you are is constantly being critcized and critiqued. from the shoes you proudly wear , to your favorite vintage belt, to your sandwashed jeans that comfortably developed holes in all the right places. the conversations we carry on, the way we carry them. Your unique vocab may not be up to par with someones standards. Notes are being jotted down on your hygiene- The folds in your shirt are being examined and…….. blah blah. no ones safe. even from the people you love.  God says he doesnt judge anyone until they die. why should i?

Im sitting next to dead air while there is a garden of life outside my window. With this wooden chair sapping the life out of my body, i ask myself how much longer ill live. Ill walk and rub my face into the the wind. Skipping the cracks that divide my steps and grabbing onto passing trees. Humming myself a melody and look toward the setting sun- green lawnchairs are great for resting i mumbled. i found that lying in wet grass is more comforting than most feeble arms.

Update:

SO ive been managing my time nicely. I have been allll around this summer- and i still set time aside for myself. yesterday i went to the kava bar- saw so many fine lookin ladies that i havent seen in forever. I havent been to the beach in a few days, and i find that very perturbing. i need to do that asap. hm… started workin- its been aight. Bar backing at Spotos Oakwood Grill on PGA- so save up and come visit. I had two friends from NJ come down. It was pretty sweet- even tho we did absolutely nothing. They were happy to be here so it didnt matter. So goshhhhhhhhhh what else…. um.. man. Guitar.  playing alot alot. and ive been reading. i like it. The shins are so damn good. LISTEN TO THE SHINS- ALL OF YOU. ha 😉

sometimes you need to run away. or be rescued. im looking to be rescued. help.

I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hanging on
To all that might have been

Last night was pretty much amazing. Went to la fonda and Salsa danced into the night for sebastians b-day. Pregame was at sebs poolhouse where salsa lessons were given and massive amounts of alcohol was consumed in a very short period of time. we piled into a big’ol van and partied till we got there. i had so much fun. there was minor drama that occurred which sucks but its all good.  Everyone was REALLY drunk. I was laughing the whole night. i woke up in the middle of the floor in some random house with no furniture. I realized that i was laying next to about 6 other people who were unconscious and scattered about the room, all chillin with no blankets. Just the lovely feel of carpet. that made me laugh. I remember eating weird food at the this latino club and drinking weird beverages. it was cooooool—

THEN- made my way to sebs house, passed out till 130- woke and went to sebs poolhouse for a huge barbacue with like 40 people. volleyball, drunkpeople, swimming, MLS on TV goin on, dancing, fun fun funnnnnn. now im tired and im gonna take a shower, clean up and pass out.

everyone over reacts. no one sees the big picture.

I propose that everyone lets go of mindless thoughts that hold you back from living life to its fullest. Seeing people recognize that everyone is not perfect, and that everyone is just as capable as the person next to them- capable of good and bad.

money = REALLY GOOOD

i love partying. esp sober.and i love girls 😉

the beach is my home- go there or be a hermit-pah

i want everyone to know— that i love everyone. im sober now and i am having the happiest days of my life. going to parties sober is a whole different experience. i dont need to drink or pop pills or smoke or do all that other trash in order to forget my insecurities in order to have a good time. never thought id ever ever say that. and i dont think anyone would ever ever imagine me saying that. no longer am i a slave to myself. everyday is good. and when it gets bad, i still have the option to make the best of it. no longer is fun a partying experience- everyminute of my life is fun. i love my friends and the people that support me. i always have good times partying with my bottled water. ha. im even more thankful for those who never gave up on me through my trials. i am so gratetful.

singing in the car- to anything. wrestling in beds. yelling and jumping. meeting random people in random places and having fun all the while. soaking up the sun- basking in sweat- swimming to the sand bars-going surfing even if its just wind chop to paddle around- shell fights. ha. getting buried in the sand. rekindling old friendships.silly. kisses and hugs. movies. late night anything. staying in shape. woooot. the list goes on. and i remember every minute of it.  

Im bored… and its raining.

soo…ill fill you in on what my summer routines been lookin like. wake up round  8. run around jupiter till i cant breath or feel my legs. lift. eat breakfast. shower. read for an hour. hop online. check the weather. check the surf report. make phone calls. get out of the house by 12. go out all day. eat in between. run again.  go out all night. stay sober. go to bed by an early hour. structure is hot.

i got a new kitty. i bet youre jealous now. his names Hart  – and hes a gangsta.

so today i had meetings all day. Important people, job interviews, small groups, etc., Got a new job and have another pending (PRAY I GET IT-MUCHO DALLORES) i surfed all day- nice and fun waves. got some sun.. hm… went to small groups tonight… went out hung out with alot of people i hadnt seen in the longest time. fun fun fun. ooo and i got my kitty.

Interesting test… tell me if you think the results are accurate about me. ha.
 

Global Personality Test Results

Lets destroy each other because we’re too cool for love lines and soft kisses over cheap wine. Smoke me baby like your last cigarette and whisper to me- say you’ll never forget. Could you break my heart a little more? Shove my body against yours and kiss me like you mean it 😉

Yea i got another lil tat-post pictures later.

 i disappeared. i will disappear. i got involved with the wrong people. involved with the wrong places. involved with the wrong things. i am ok. im not dead. i will be better.

500pm Monday after noon.  gettin high at the figure 8. with jesse and jarod. Dino calls me. hes with Devin and Eric. We meet up. Jarod and jesse go home. i go with Dino. We chill. Took some shots of GM and wiskey. went to the beach. skim boarded. came home. decided that we should get drunk. no beer.

Dino has a stroke of genius. He dresses up in hobo clothes, a big jean jacket, a winter hat  a 2 foot scraggly beard and aviator glasses. he incorporates a haggard drunk strung out voice to accomadate the attire. We go to sunoco, he goes in and comes back out. With 2 12 packs of BL!. wooooot.

we go back to dinos, pound 6 beers each. listen to dino jam on the guitar. we rate the songs that are goin on his new CD. awesome shit. smoke cigarettes. I officially got branded last night. the infamous heart on the right hand. it means= I am committed to going to colorado with dino the crew as soon as possible. (when i get out of the marines.) we decide to go on a drunken adventure. we walk to the BEACH. we’re singing loudly, dancing in the road, hootin and hollaring. laughing. get to the beach. watch the lightning storm thats far out at sea. sit on the beach and chill. We notice a LARGE mass moving on the shore. we’re like is that a turtle. we run up. ITS A 300lb SEA TURTLE. WE SHIT. so crazy. we’re all touchin it and tryin to pick it up. unfortunately it overpowered up and pulled us into the ocean before we let go.so we walk , totally stoked that we just saw a friggen SEA TURTLE. we’re hungry. THIRSTY TURTLE WINGS. its like 1130. they’re kitchen is closed. they tell us to go to Kirbys. we venture to kirbys. JUST IN TIME to witness ladies getting naked for money. ofcourse us young bucks get excited and started throwin money around. A 30 year old GUIDANCE counselor from Ohio is on the bar stool givin us a peep show for our dollar bills. WHAT THE F. how crazy is that. we’re all drunk and order wings while all this mayhem at the bar is goin on. naked women crazy stuff. eat our wings. arm wrestling goin on.  some 35 yearold dude is arm wrestling my friends while we sit outside and shoot the shit. hes like arm wrestle me. im like ok. i beat this guy. i dont think ive seen a guy so humiliated. an 18 year old drunk kid beat this 35 year old. i found it funny. 6 tries later i still beat him. funniest shit ever. ppl are drunk and rowdy. guys are doin back flips and walkin around on thier hands. wow. drunk ladies (with their husbands) are tellin us about the amazing head they give. my friends are all about this. haha. hittin on these older women like theyre gonna get some. it was funny. we go back to dinos, drink some more. smoke a bowl. chill out. listen to music. and…. pass out. wake up. its morning. have a grit and coffee.  its pouring out. Lets go to the beach. we get up, put on some dirty shorts and go to the beach. skim board and shit. its all shitty out and we look like lunatics runnin around the streets half naked. go back to his house shower off and go home. what a night.

That was my monday night.

that was my friday night.

im fuckin 18 years old. i have a summer ahead of me then the marines. i am going to take full advantage of my youth and the adventure this summer has to offer. and nothing will stop me.