Uncategorized – Page 60

Compilation of posts: April 24- May 8

Sunday, May 08, 2005

save yourself

The hand of my clock strikes two In times when I got the best of you We made promises we couldn’t keep And every night we couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know why, but didn’t ask questions because it was the first time in my life, yeah the first time in my life Where I, did something right. I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time You pick me apart While I search for witty things to say (In my defense) "You’ll never amount to anything anyway" (Don’t press your luck, don’t press your luck) And think that I’m impressed with your one night stands and your contagious kiss I’m trying to get this right Yeah, cause I’m ridiculous like that I’ll keep this as A constant reminder Of the nights I spent holding onto her And rest assured I’m moving on I miss you less, with each day your gone (your gone)

1:22 PM

Saturday, May 07, 2005

for good

Untie me, I’ve said no vows The train is getting way too loud I gotta leave here my girl Get on with my lonely life Just leave the ring on the rail For the wheels to nullify Until this turn in my head I let you stay and you paid no rent I spent twelve long months on the lam That’s enough sitting on the fence For the fear of breaking dams I find a fatal flaw In the logic of love And go out of my head You love a sinking stone That’ll never elope So get used to the lonesome Girl, you must atone some Don’t leave me no phone number there It took me all of a year To put the poison pill to your ear But now I stand on honest ground, on honest ground You want to fight for this love But honey you cannot wrestle a dove So baby it’s clear You want to jump and dance But you sat on your hands And lost your only chance Go back to your hometown Get your feet on the ground And stop floating around I find a fatal flaw In the logic of love And go out of my head You love a sinking stone That’ll never elope So get used to used to the lonesome Girl, you must atone some Don’t leave me no phone number there to a special someone.

2:26 PM

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

glass

If I had a dime for every time you walked away, I could afford to not give a shit and buy a drink and drown the day But your pockets, they are empty, yeh, and mine are times two So why not make an about-face, and accept the love I send to you? You’re never gonna be content if you font try, try to see outside your line. There you go, you did it again! You act as if there’s binder on your eyes. Should I apologize if what I say burns your ears and stains your eyes?! Oh, did I crack your shell? When it falls away, you’ll see we exist as well! Like a bottle with the cork stuck, your true ingredients trapped inside. Through the cloudy glass we catch a glimpse of you, I guess the hard shell represents your pride. Oh, if only it could be different we could uncover the you, you deny. Between two, a small discrepancy, one complicates and one simplifies. TAKE THOSE FUCKING BLINDERS OFF YOUR EYES!! So if I had a dime for every time you walked away, you could bet your bottom dollar that I’d be filthy rich by noon today

9:25 PM

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

the trees are fleeting

im young. ive got years ahead of me. i can smoke drink and do whatever else i wanna do. im free. no major bills. no major responsiblity. i am capable of doing whatever i want. im growing up and i gotta take every scabbed knee like its my last. i gotta be as rowdy as possible. take advantage of youth. Could I make it all up to you by serving coffee for two in bed, would you then give me the time of day.I need a map of your head, translated into english so I can learn to not make you frown. Feel better if you vent, put your frustrations into four letter words and let them out on mine, The most weathered ears in town! Say what u will, Say what u mean, No, you could never offend. Your dirty words come out clean

6:46 PM

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

just what i needed

Im going to renegades tonight… never been. suppose to be a bachelors paradise… but i dunno… country line dancing… not my style. we’ll see tho……. schools a bitch…annddd…. summers almost here. andddd i like this song. I don’t mind you comin’ here and wastin’ all my time ’cause when you’re standin’ oh so near I kinda lose my mind it’s not the perfume that you wear it’s not the ribbons in your hair I don’t mind you comin’ here and wastin’ all my time I don’t mind you hangin’ out and talkin’ in your sleep it doesn’t matter where you’ve been as long as it was deep, yeah you always knew to wear it well and you look so fancy I can tell I don’t mind you hangin’ out and talkin’ in your sleep I guess you’re just what I needed

9:24 AM

Sunday, May 01, 2005

im gonna be famous.

so i decided im gonna be famous. how? well… im gonna live the craziest life a man can possibly live… get into as much shit as humanly possible… experience more things than anyone person should experience… and write a book about it. fuck yea. im already half way there and everyday continually brings more and more shit to tell about. im tired of the traditional lifestyles everyones living… im really tired of watching it on TV and reading about it in the newspapers… im gonna make sure i fuckin get off my ass… and get involved with a massive "Things to do" list… and start doing them.

10:39 AM

Friday, April 29, 2005

PROM PICTURES..before prom

i got like 3 rolls of film… for laziness sake im putting up a whopping 5 pics.enjoy. Image hosted by Photobucket.com

1:33 PM

Thursday, April 28, 2005

clover

Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers and laid entwined together on a bed of clover and left there to sleep, left there to dream of their happiness.

7:50 PM

Monday, April 25, 2005

blondes have more fun.

ok… ive decided that blondes are better. no offense to all you that lack the blonde quality. i did the black/brown hair thing… not cuttin it. im glad im a blonde once again. yea…i missed it.

12:54 PM

Sunday, April 24, 2005

good song

It’s over You don’t need to tell me I hope you’re with someone who makes you feel safe in your sleeping tonight I won’t kill myself, trying to stay in your life I got no distance left to run When you see me Please turn your back and walk away I don’t want to see you Cos i know the dreams that you keep is wearing me When your coming down, think of me here I got no distance left to run It’s over, I knew it would end this way I hope you’re with someone who makes you feel That this life is the night And it settles down, stays around Spends more time with you I got no distance left to run

Currently listening:
13
By Blur
Release date: 23 March, 1999

9:54 PM

fuck

Friday, April 22, 2005

fuck
i drive myself fucking crazy. i fucking hate it. i hate fucking analyzing shit. i hate pretending like i have it figured out. i fucking hate when i think im right. i hate driving people crazy. i hate hurting people. fuck me.
10:06 PM

Compilation of posts: April 13- April 22

Friday, April 22, 2005

fuck

i drive myself fucking crazy. i fucking hate it. i hate fucking analyzing shit. i hate pretending like i have it figured out. i fucking hate when i think im right. i hate driving people crazy. i hate hurting people. fuck me.

10:06 PM

Thursday, April 21, 2005

lifes great.

i love life.

11:36 PM

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I only want to see if your ok when im not around

ahhhhhhhhhhh thats me releasing bundled energy. im ready to get out. GO FAR. im feeling a random adventure to a far off place. i need to go. go go go. get away. vacation… away from the normality of life. although theres nothing normal about life. i need away from structure and expectations. i wanna goooo. where i dont know. i wanna buy a map of the US. and just book it… tooooo… whereever the small roads will take me. its time i do some exploring. i miss the adventure my life use to contain. i need more. adventure…. i miss romance… i miss fighting for causes. where are the causes and why am i not fighting. i need something. someone to fight for. or…. so im gonna start discarding the old and adopting the new. i need to lighten up. i always forget lifes fuckin sweet. but you gotta make it sweet… since when do adventures come to you on your couch? since when did romance knock on your door? you gotta go out and get it. i know plenty of young ladies that needs some romance in thier life. one in particular. MARINES. i actually cant wait. thats my opprotunity for adventures and battles… or just me being need deep in shit for four years. oh well… experience nontheless. you can be happy if you choose to be. its quite literally a choice. i shouldnt need to remind myself of that… but i do. its a refreshing reminder anyway. wanna go to the beach and play the guitar… or… go night swimming.. thats fun. god i want night swimming.. i wanna get a lil drunk and walk on the beach.. pass out and look at the stars. so why dont i do it?… im gonna start now. PROM this weekend. should be an amazing time… although im not as excited as i originally was. im looking forward to see all of the amazing girls in our limo dress up.

7:27 PM

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I need the smell of summer, I need its noises in my ears.

life goes on…and today is beautiful. i went surfing. i got tan, or red. however you choose to look at it. skateboarded alot. i want to breath in a field of flowers. i feel like running in an open field and jumping into a cool brook. or swinging off an old ropeswing into a flowing river. yea. i feel good. If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.

6:17 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2005

red.

heart.

10:08 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2005

hair everywhere.

so i go on spontaneous binges. yesterday… i was like… yea… im gonna bleach my hair. im tired of black. so i friggen bleached it like… yellow… or as close to blonde as possible without having my hair fall out. awesome. so im blonde/yellow again. i want another tattoo. i wanna do crazy shit. i want to crash a car. thats an experience youll never forget. i wanna get drunk and pass out on the beach.. wake up to a sunrise with sand in my hair. i wanna get so stoned that i can talk for hours about nothing… as if its the most important thing ever. i wanna trip my face off and play guitar for hours and hours… and write pretty lyrics. and write. and draw trippy things… i wanna surfffff…. i havent gone in some time and i miss it so bad. and the beach is only like what… 3 miles away.. or whatever… poor excuse mike… i wanna friggen not give a shit about what anyone else thinks.. i forget that i dont and i find myself over thinking shit. i really only care about what i believe and know to be true. thats not dependent on anyone but me. hm…. some people are selfish. im one of those people. but i can admit it and say… im selfish.. im sorry… i really try not to be.. and i really do something about it. i wanna constantly refine my personality. its fun anyway. i wanna find new friends. experience new people. im half excited that im going to watch my life be torn from my fingers when i join the marines… its better than watching myself throw my life away. am i right? i wanna find a girl who’s always willing to put me in a good mood even if they arent. and i wanna always be the one that puts that girl in a good mood if she isnt. i want a girl that knows shes loved by me and thats good enough for her. i want a girl whose feelings arent dictated by my feelings. and i want to feel the same. jack johnson gets me hard. his music is amazing. the new CD is out of control. Prom in a week. woot. 21 PASSENGER FORD EXCURSION. hot. i dislike big bawlers. people who think they are always right. people who judge. people who prevent themselves from being friends with anyone and everyone to save face. or reputation. i want a reputation for not giving a shit about my reputation. ha.

Currently listening:
History for Sale
By Blue October
Release date: 05 August, 2003

12:11 PM

Saturday, April 16, 2005

turn on the boob tube.

im in a happy mood. its absolutely gorgeous outside. i want to go to the beach. i have so much to do today.

10:16 AM

Thursday, April 14, 2005

…

i dont want my heart to break for no reason. sometimes i find it necessary to break my own heart. i get complacent with my feelings and i become numb to the happenings around me. i have to hurt to feel again. people get upset with me for being insensitive. they dont realize its unintentional. although alot of times when i recognize the insensitive state i choose to stay cold… sometimes… i try far too hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. people try far to hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. i dont like being taken for granted.. and i do things to avoid being taken for granted. i dislike when people go out of thier way to give a shit… just so it can be noted that they gave a shit… when in their heart they dont give a fuck. they dont even make the effort to make thier efforts worthwhile. useless. i started lifting again.. i cant wait. i want to gain 20 lbs in the next 3 months. 185bs. i met my neighbor for the first time last week. shes an interesting person. fun. i like being creative. i like writing. ive been beingh creative and writing alot lately. its been… refreshing. i like expanding my mind. love is painful and difficult. its also absolutely amazing. i want to be in love forever.

10:42 PM

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

hm.

you live. than you die. lifes wonderful. everything in between are minute details. they make you smile… or they dont. i like smiling.

6:45 PM

I only want to see if your ok when im not around

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I only want to see if your ok when im not around
ahhhhhhhhhhh thats me releasing bundled energy. im ready to get out. GO FAR. im feeling a random adventure to a far off place. i need to go. go go go. get away. vacation… away from the normality of life. although theres nothing normal about life. i need away from structure and expectations. i wanna goooo. where i dont know. i wanna buy a map of the US. and just book it… tooooo… whereever the small roads will take me. its time i do some exploring. i miss the adventure my life use to contain. i need more. adventure…. i miss romance… i miss fighting for causes. where are the causes and why am i not fighting. i need something. someone to fight for. or…. so im gonna start discarding the old and adopting the new. i need to lighten up. i always forget lifes fuckin sweet. but you gotta make it sweet… since when do adventures come to you on your couch? since when did romance knock on your door? you gotta go out and get it. i know plenty of young ladies that needs some romance in thier life. one in particular. MARINES. i actually cant wait. thats my opprotunity for adventures and battles… or just me being need deep in shit for four years. oh well… experience nontheless. you can be happy if you choose to be. its quite literally a choice. i shouldnt need to remind myself of that… but i do. its a refreshing reminder anyway. wanna go to the beach and play the guitar… or… go night swimming.. thats fun. god i want night swimming.. i wanna get a lil drunk and walk on the beach.. pass out and look at the stars. so why dont i do it?… im gonna start now. PROM this weekend. should be an amazing time… although im not as excited as i originally was. im looking forward to see all of the amazing girls in our limo dress up.
7:27 PM

I need the smell of summer, I need its noises in my ears.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I need the smell of summer, I need its noises in my ears.
life goes on…and today is beautiful. i went surfing. i got tan, or red. however you choose to look at it. skateboarded alot. i want to breath in a field of flowers. i feel like running in an open field and jumping into a cool brook. or swinging off an old rope-swing into a flowing river. yea. i feel good. If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.
6:17 PM

hair everywhere.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

hair everywhere.
so i go on spontaneous binges. yesterday… i was like… yea… im gonna bleach my hair. im tired of black. so i friggen bleached it like… yellow… or as close to blonde as possible without having my hair fall out. awesome. so im blonde/yellow again. i want another tattoo. i wanna do crazy shit. i want to crash a car. thats an experience youll never forget. i wanna get drunk and pass out on the beach.. wake up to a sunrise with sand in my hair. i wanna get so stoned that i can talk for hours about nothing… as if its the most important thing ever. i wanna trip my face off and play guitar for hours and hours… and write pretty lyrics. and write. and draw trippy things… i wanna surfffff…. i havent gone in some time and i miss it so bad. and the beach is only like what… 3 miles away.. or whatever… poor excuse mike… i wanna friggen not give a shit about what anyone else thinks.. i forget that i dont and i find myself over thinking shit. i really only care about what i believe and know to be true. thats not dependent on anyone but me. hm…. some people are selfish. im one of those people. but i can admit it and say… im selfish.. im sorry… i really try not to be.. and i really do something about it. i wanna constantly refine my personality. its fun anyway. i wanna find new friends. experience new people. im half excited that im going to watch my life be torn from my fingers when i join the marines… its better than watching myself throw my life away. am i right? i wanna find a girl who’s always willing to put me in a good mood even if they arent. and i wanna always be the one that puts that girl in a good mood if she isnt. i want a girl that knows shes loved by me and thats good enough for her. i want a girl whose feelings arent dictated by my feelings. and i want to feel the same. jack johnson gets me hard. his music is amazing. the new CD is out of control. Prom in a week. woot. 21 PASSENGER FORD EXCURSION. hot. i dislike big bawlers. people who think they are always right. people who judge. people who prevent themselves from being friends with anyone and everyone to save face. or reputation. i want a reputation for not giving a shit about my reputation. ha.

Currently listening:
History for Sale
By Blue October
Release date: 05 August, 2003
12:11 PM

No more breaking

Thursday, April 14, 2005

…
i dont want my heart to break for no reason. sometimes i find it necessary to break my own heart. i get complacent with my feelings and i become numb to the happenings around me. i have to hurt to feel again. people get upset with me for being insensitive. they dont realize its unintentional. although alot of times when i recognize the insensitive state i choose to stay cold… sometimes… i try far too hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. people try far to hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. i dont like being taken for granted.. and i do things to avoid being taken for granted. i dislike when people go out of thier way to give a shit… just so it can be noted that they gave a shit… when in their heart they dont give a fuck. they dont even make the effort to make thier efforts worthwhile. useless. i started lifting again.. i cant wait. i want to gain 20 lbs in the next 3 months. 185bs. i met my neighbor for the first time last week. shes an interesting person. fun. i like being creative. i like writing. ive been beingh creative and writing alot lately. its been… refreshing. i like expanding my mind. love is painful and difficult. its also absolutely amazing. i want to be in love forever.
10:42 PM

Live and die.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

hm.
you live. than you die. lifes wonderful. everything in between are minute details. they make you smile… or they dont. i like smiling.
6:45 PM

Compilation of posts: Mar 6- Mar 30

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

life

man. life. whoa. i had an awesome time/trip with jam-o. life throws so much at you at once. i constantly am being bombarded by new trials and tribulations. ive decided that girls, even the ones you love, are impossible. one day the spill their heart, the next they clean it up and the sincere love that could withstand the end of the world is no more, just lost words and feelings. bah. im a naive little boy.

9:49 PM

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

coffee

coffee is good. ive come to the conclusion that i am retarded. i cannot handle simple emotional tasks. i am afraid this is going to damage me and all of my relationships. scares the shit outta me. i constantly contradict my own convictions. which leads me to feel like shit. which leads me to be self destructive. and i dont like it. i hate hurting people. i have soo much anxiety and stress right now. from what? i dont know. i need help. my best bro jamie O is coming tomorrow. cant friggen wait. ill be able to let go of all my worries for the next 5 days and enjoy life. i need to totally chill. i want coffee icecream. coffee and cigarettes. rootbeer and cloves. i wanna drink and go swimming. go skateboarding in the rain.

Currently listening:
Doubt Me Now
By Lil Wyte
Release date: 04 March, 2003

3:44 PM

Saturday, March 19, 2005

FUNNY. i thought so.

These are the funniest conversations i have quite possibly ever read. i would highly encourage you to read them in your spare time.

7:50 AM

Sunday, March 13, 2005

sleepover advocate
Current mood:

complacent

ive decided this weekend sucked alot. i contribute that to me deciding that drinking wasnt a good idea. coming to the conclusion that having fun weekends are built around alcohol, i realized that removing the alcohol just leaves you with a weekend and no fun. so drink in moderation i will. other things that i wanna complain about: i want my jeep back. i want my cellphone back. i need to start getting into a steady training regiment. i have to stop idealizing people… and…. ya.

Currently listening:
Abbey Road
By The Beatles
Release date: 25 October, 1990

2:39 AM

Thursday, March 10, 2005

oh shit

all i can do is laugh. i laugh and laugh and laugh. i think about the past year. and laugh. no tears. just laugh. laugh at everything. ive gotten to the point where i care soo much. that i just dont care. its awesome. since my decision to quit smoking the reefer a few weeks ago, ive had no desire to continue the habit. ive been drinking uncontrollably the past few weeks instead. ive decided as of two nights ago that my drinking habits have become destructive. so ive decided to stop drinking for awhile. and… while thinking about it why not stop doin drugs. while these decisions might not be permanate… id like to see what its like to live sober for awhile. we’ll see how it works out.

3:07 PM

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

yesterday

i got drunk as fuck yesterday. why? i do not know. but its two in the morning. and i woke up. and i remember my parents yelling at me when i got home at 8 that i was a mess. i could not walk or talk. i did not know up from down. i cannot rely. its a sin. why. i started drinking at 11:00. i capped out around 15 beers by that night. but i could not count. im a fuckin mess. i did not know what i was doing or what was going on. so im sitting here. still drunk. drinking my water. wondering why no one showed up. wondering what the hell happened yesterday. and i dont know.

2:13 AM

Sunday, March 06, 2005

blog

with grass stains on her knees she looks up and smiles at me my eyes run to hers and time stops to wait for the two lovers lost together

7:46 PM

Saturday, March 05, 2005

trip

i tripped last night. man. what an experience. i am changed. i see things so much differently. i would say clearer… and maybe thats it… but its a different shade of reality. alot makes sense. i feel alot better about so many things. man. its a MINDBLOWING experience. everything… like… whoa. wouldnt recommend it to get fucked up on. cause you aernt fucked up. its all in your mind. i am happy i experience it. it was very therapeutic. got alot out.

1:35 PM

Compilation of posts: Feb 5- March 3

Thursday, March 03, 2005

heart

hearts everywhere. oh yea. they’re all broken like mine. only this time i broke them all. i want to make things better but the hearts have left me. im alone now with my broken heart. here ill stay until im rescued.

11:21 PM

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

ADVENTURE.

sooo. today i had a friggen awesome time. no worries. not a worry in the world. i feel so goooood. so what did i do you ask? first… today was a beautiful day. jon and i longboarded alll of palm beach. the whole palm beach area. all of clematis and city place every nook and cranny. we went to the island and went to the beach and continued to explore. worth avenue. in and out of alley ways. chilled at the park in palm beach. sat on the docks. saw the sun light the sky up and paint an aweing array of colors across the horizon. we climbed plam trees and giant crazy trees like 50ft high. had an awesome time. in the middle of the city there was an abandoned house… i thought itd be a good idea to break in. sooo i did. and we explored the whole inside. it was old… if it was fixed up it be a killer pad. it was fun. i felt like a little kid with his hand in a cookie jar. so we went to jons house in west palm checked out the construction and proceeded to the wellington mall to…. i dont know why we went. but we did and had a good time. my legs are sore and im tired. but ill go to bed with a smile on my face.

8:38 PM

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

BINGE

Binge everything. eating. starving. binge drinking water, alcohol, bingeing with women. bingeing with not giving a fuck. bingeing on skipping. BINGE. i have become a BINGER. (is that a word? one who binges?) anyway last night. i got so drunk…. that i dont remember when i left teh clubhouse. nor do i remember half the events of the night. i drank and drank and drank. and bonged so many beers i lost count. ill tell more later

2:11 PM

Monday, February 28, 2005

UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS
Current mood:

drunk

first me and jon are drunk as fuck im at teh clubhouse with gab sebas carlos nick and jon fuck as drunk man i am officially enlisted in the marines im leaving sept12 …a long ways away but i am officially apart of the corps last nigh i spent the day in miami in a hotel awaiting meps with jon we werent allowed to leave but we got broed so we did leave walked the streets all night wen to publix i decided that dry ICE is fucin cool as shit so i bought some and yea good idea bought some water bottles and shit and we were making dry ice bombs in the fuckin parking lot 20oz bottles 2 Liter bottles fuckin righ man soooooooooooooooooooooooooo loud and INTENSE dude intense what a rush BAM loud you know it we ordered pizza hut at the hotel we wtched tv and passed the fuck out while experimetned with the rest of our dry ice with cool speical effects l sooo we woke up at fuckin like 400 thats uh 4 HOURS of SLEEP SLEEP what the fuck is that i got non eof taht shit and we spent the whole sday till 300 at MEPs what a day all kinda craxzy shit whatever i got home had dinner with the fam the frigen fam and then wen tto home depot made a fuckin beer bong pounded fuckin an 18 pack plus 7 beers whatever the fuck that is so now im drinking vodka and orange juice side note cause im not hardcore enought o chug it straightand fuc im drunk soooooooooooooo ive decided to become a thinking man yea at least for the next 7 months and ive decided to become a man whore cause love isnt real its a made up fairy tale its a heightening of emotions where you cant control them and there is no oher way o interpret those feelibngs except for dubbing hem love i love i love select women /woman its too much to expect someone to love you like you love them wayy to much you want to believe that when you love someone your love and compassion isnt in vain but its fake its never the same so fuck IT i am still waiting for that woman maybe i met her maybe i havent but im waiting for love to be real for me SOMEONE FIND ME AND LOVE ME AND LET LOVE FLOURISH no nonsense

6:48 AM

Sunday, February 20, 2005

i like nice.

i realized how much i enjoy chewing gum with ice. i also realized how much i enjoy the company of my friends. Half the time, i enjoy the act of living and everything it entails. when a soft breeze blows gently through your hair and across your face. i like walking barefoot. even on hot asphalt after the beach, although it hurts at the time. i like wrapping myself in my one and only blanket i sleep with, and burying my face deep within my pillows. i really like the fact that i will never really have it (life) figured out. that makes me smile. whenever i look at my bracelet covered wrists i smile at my heart. i like when i get a hug and a wisper in my ear. doing things without having a reason for doing them isnt a bad thing. find a reason after youve done it. waking up. better yet, waking up to a room drenched in the fresh morning sun, and finding someone you love waiting for you at your side. moving is fun. running. walking. skating. rolling. whichever you choose, choose to enjoy it, and you will.im not an adult yet. i think that adults have thier life together. they all act like they do anyway. and until i can at least act like i have it together ill accept that im still a kid. im tired of being tired. of having weighty things on my mind. things that never cease to leave my thoughts. things of importance but i always question how much they really mean. i like pretending im super smart and that no one else thinks like i do. whether or not thats the case i care not. i like making myself pick apart tiny things that arent worth picking apart, but ill do it anyways and have a good time with it. i dont like failing unless i choose to do so. so i always findmyself choosing to fail. its a horrible disease. when i try to succeed and i fail i am crushed. my safe mode is failure. not good. i hate when i say things and i have to take them back. i am a confused person. i follow my heart and it does not have a brain. it knows no logic. so i get confused and say things that i might not have meant. but dont hold it against me forever. i always mean well. always.

Currently listening:
Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground
By Bright Eyes
Release date: 13 August, 2002

6:01 PM

Friday, February 18, 2005

Pictures from NJ

random pictures from the Snowball Dance and whatnot. NJ was COLD

12:28 PM

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

someone figure me out.

^^ whoever says love isn’t a painful thing has never loved.

Currently listening:
Transatlanticism
By Death Cab for Cutie
Release date: 07 October, 2003

11:32 PM

Thursday, February 10, 2005

goood

UPDATE: going to NJ tomorrow. see my friends. jamie o is comin to the big FL the 23rd of march. i currently weigh 180lbs. and i have been doin good.

Currently listening:
We Will Become Silhouettes
By Postal Service
Release date: 08 February, 2005

12:07 AM

Sunday, February 06, 2005

every last shout

enough is enough. no one can convince me otherwise. its past the point of return. maybe in the distant future, but now is not the time and i will no longer chase after stale dreams.

6:27 PM

Saturday, February 05, 2005

blah…..

im fed up and blah……….. poo.

7:28 PM

Sunday, February 20, 2005

i like nice.

always.

Compilation of posts: Jan 11- Feb 2

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Girls are bitches…
Current mood:

drunk

im drunk so im gonna blab: you cannot trust girls.. thats the first mistake a guy makes… trusting a girl. she will never be honest with you… she’ll tell you just enough so that shes convinced and youre hers.. i dont know about other guys… but i always know whats goin on… i never fall for the bull that they lead me to believe… they can talk and become emotional and all that… but i know… they can talk and be all emotional with any/ all guys they choose… and so can i. i know my genuine feelings. They usually never change inside… but oh i can change soo quickly if i had enough of the bull they keep feeding me. it only lasts so long. so girls are bitches… you think you got the one… untill you watch them do their magic… and usually my mentality is… ok i genuinly like this girl… but ill wait it out… see if they can see that and quit thier little pow wow business. but…. its on a rare ocassion they do. so rare do they change. i lead myself to believe they do at times… even tho… yea.. in the back of my mind i know whats up and how its going… and i get to a point… where im like… nah… not the one for me… devine shit… oh yea god landed her right in my lap… but i fail to realize at times that loves a sick and twisted thing. its worse than drugs… it makes you completely blind to the truth behind every women. what is it they are afraid of… are they afraid… if i get myself involved with this guy and i gonna end up not likeing him but already be involved… or is it… am i gonna like him… and eventually hes gonna not like me…and ill be heartbroken… yea… all that shit… what ive learned… i cannot experience girls unless i rid myself with all that bullshit that floods my head on a regualr baisis.. i cant begin to trust a girl if i continually think about the bull shit theyre doin…. so i acknowledge that its going on… put it in the back of my mind… and wait until they officially cross the line.. or show me that in only an option in their life and not a priority. why make someone a priority who only makes you an option. yea i can love. ive got love. but i got commonsense… and i want my love and thier love to be equivalent… itll never work out otherwise… i despise women who try and think they can play me. they think they know whats goin on in my head. they think im so naive. like i havent experienced women first hand. i wish they would all be real… so all you women/girls out there… be real… love like you never loved before… open up… its not like you are doomed if you tell someone how you feel about them… like oh boy he know my feelings… whatever… blow the dude off if he takes advantage of your feelings… chances are he didnt give a shit anyway… guys convince themselves that they like girls… they make them spill their guts then the girl gets all emotional about him and hes a dick.. well dont be afriad to say fuck you dude you are a fucking dick if he takes advantage of your feelings… dont talk to him again… i know girls do the same shit.. they think a guy likes them they extort exactly what they want a guy to say to them… even tho it isnt the right guy… and when they come to this they blow him off… yea fuck it all… blah blah… fucking complicated shit. so… bottomline… you wanna get laid… tell the dude. dudes are horny bitches… 9 out of ten will say yes… you wanna guy to emotional support… then tell his ass… just cause you tell him how you feel doesnt mean you are doomed and hes got you. nah. girls get over it.. and so do dudes… BUT. i wanna find love. where i can love her and she can love me and thats that. no one else. no controversal feelings.. no bullshit. love = love. thats how it should be. i wont give up. i know the games… i sometimes wonder if the damjn games will lead me there or not… im not big on playing them… hookin up and getting laid is so common place… and i see that it never works… one out of a billion you happen to find that person… so i dont participate in that whole lets hook up and see if we like eachother… fuck that.. id rather get myself off. i dont liek getting around.. having the title as a guy who hooks up with everyone. i wanna be that dude whos saved himself for that one girl that he fell in love with.. i wanna be all hers…

7:25 PM

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

How i feel

a perfect circle – weak and powerless

today was not a good day.

Police are stupid.

12:14 AM

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Greener with Scenery

You ripped my heart out of me then you put it back I’m pulling my hair I let you just a million times I love you even though it isn’t fair so… one of my favorite girls… lyndsi S… had her 17th birthday party last night… i enjoyed myself. loads of fun in the pool and hot tub and all that jazz… i developed a fondness for group showers… they stay G rated ofcourse. i had a good time watching all my friends get extremely intoxicated.. they all transform into totally different people… so love getting to know them while theyre in the state of mind.

7:26 PM

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Noise and kisses

Look in my eyes I’m jaded now whatever that means By sharing these things I rip my heart out It’s worth my time Whatever that means…

10:09 PM

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

fuck

fuck fuck fuck Thats interesting.

12:24 AM

Saturday, January 22, 2005

i got spontaneous..mutha fuckas

ok… so…. i dyed my hair… i decided it was going to be black… but… in some crazy turn of events… it never turned black,… but a certain dark shade of bluE… (some say purple) its all… gooood. yea… so .1 Dyed hair ok… so i got really spontaneous…. and… i went to inklink… a tattoo and piercing parlor… and…. i got my dick pierced… yes…. thats right…. just kidding… actually i got a tattoo… yea… waiting for rents to disown me… they almost did when i dashed thier dreams of a blonde haired son.. InterJECTION: please note (on jennifers behalf) that she feels responsible for my tattoo… end interjection….(ofcourse this isnt true… but we let her think so) .2 Heart tattooed on the inside of my right wrist… black.. and small… so… maybe im a freak now… but i dont care…. i only seek the approval of the man i look at in the mirror everyday ahahahhaha

Currently listening:
The Living End
By The Living End
Release date: 09 February, 1999

2:31 AM

Saturday, January 22, 2005

love bitches… love

yea… love… fuckin love… leaves you completely friggen helpless… ive accepted… and refined the art of supressing love… that sometimes its necessary. ive let go… i dont fear rejection… tired of paranoia… i want to love… to love and love and love… and not care whether im getting love in return…. i want to be dizzy with love… i want to be intoxicated by a womans beauty… i want to be overwhelmed with her presence… i want to be swept off my feet at her slightest wisper… i want to give my heart to a girl… a girl that will keep it safe in the palm of her hand and not put it in a box under her bed… i long for a girl to love me for me. i am over silly childish games… they urk me… i want to be honest with how i feel… if i feel like i love… i will… if i feel like i like i will… enough with the foolsih acts

12:03 AM

Thursday, January 20, 2005

i feel like being spontaneous

for the next few days.. or however long i see fit… i am going to be spontaneous. no planning. just do it. if you have any suggestions for stuff you know id do… even tho id regret it later… please tell me. the shins are good.

Currently listening:
Oh, Inverted World
By The Shins
Release date: 19 June, 2001

1:18 PM

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

fuck life

fuck the world. fuck life. fuck it.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

heartache.

yea.

2:31 AM

Compilation of posts: Dec 12- 24

Friday, December 24, 2004

dreaming

ive long since dreamed of your angelic face blowing wispers in my ear and before the break of every new day i lay and dream of you my love you taught me to sleep with hope tomorrow i will find myself lost in love once more

3:39 PM

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

RAGE.
Current mood:

infuriated

lately ive had raging emotions. i wanna kill. i wanna injure. pain is no contest. i want to unleash. i want to experience hurt. i want to bathe in pain. i want to inflict hurt. i want to destroy. i want to end things. i dont like being underestimated. i want to fight. i want to hold someones life in my hand. i want to breath death. whether my own or someone elses. im not fearful. im confident. i want to enjoy my sufferings and smile upon my pain. i want to lose it. I need to be pushed over the edge. please push me.

6:53 PM

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

this is going to get trippy in 5 minutes

sitting, looking, typing, seeing, feeling, moping, gasp intruiging, watching waiting, panting bleeding, infomous darkness never receding, to blank the thought of this distant needing, wanting more but never recieving, tending demons attending preachings, living lonesome living grieving, , leave the friendship never retreating, loveing lustful thoughts of healing, here i stand alone and kneeling, every tear that keeps on speeding, racing time like its fleeing, watchful demise intensity teeming,life long, lustful never ending, catch the promise, that which is pending, in your words that you keep bending, never knowing always pretending, let me know If I’m worth fending, and take the thoughts to keep me sending, simple words mabye just three, take these words, take them from me, and look inside find what you see, on what you missed, what it is is me, swallow your pride, swallow it whole, you took a dive, you paid the tole, you walked with pride never to see, who you really were, who you turned to be, signing out and clocking in, giving up, to giving in, you never new what you had to hold but now that I’m gone you’ll soon grow cold, dripping sweat, burning eyes, never to make your compromise, take these words and take them hard, shove them inside and wash them down for what you know you meant to me, I’m sorry but your friendship could never be

4:24 PM

Monday, December 20, 2004

OH MY GOD

my weekend…. friday… went to a close friends party… got inebriated… slept over… got molested by some girl… very uncomfortable situation…. overall good night… hung out with alot of guys i havent partied with in a long while… saturday DAY…. hung out with kate aLLLLLL day…. went out to EAT….. instead of seeing the polar express… gag…..met up with philip….. went to the malll….. got the camcorder up and running….. got ready for a bonfire…..saturday night… hm…. phil and i got a bonfire goin… good amount of people came and went… it got beat after the first hour… so we shot over crystals for awhile… only to return to the bonfire later that night… i must say… i drank a bit too much that night… had a killer time tho… saw alot of people id never thought id see at a party… anyway… it was goooood. had fun shootin my pellet gun… choppin shit up with a machete(sp?) and bashin things up with bats… overall fun… hm…. tonight went to a close friends lumanares? or something.. basically a giant block party… yea… didnt know anyone so i left… getting ready to go to stadium grills xmas party… FUN… good shit… exams tomorrow… wish me luck…. HA im like $400 in the hole for my car damage… still.. its been about a month now… right before xmas was a kick in the balls for my car to break… bummer.

12:12 AM

Saturday, December 18, 2004

waiting……………………………………….

2:35 PM

Thursday, December 16, 2004

My heart aches.

yea.

11:45 PM

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

think

"This fall I think youre riding for – it’s a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn’t permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement’s designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own enviornment couldn’t supply them with. Or they thought their own enviornment couldn’t supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really got started."

8:59 PM

Monday, December 13, 2004

i better get at least one comment for this

didnt come up with this… but i found it humorous and entertaining enough..so:::: do you’s? 1. do you think im cute? 2. do you want to kiss me? 3. do you want to cuddle wit me? 4. do you want to hook up with me? 5. do you like my hair? are we’s? 1. are we aquintences? 2. are we friends? 3. are we hook ups? 4. are we in a relationship? 5. are we going to have kids? 6. are we going to fhuck like vild boar? would you’s? 1. would you hang out with me? 2. would you ask me out on a date? 3. would you be my hook up? 4. would you be my girlfriend/boyfriend? 5. would you have sex with me? have you ever? 1. have you ever thought about me? 2. have you ever thought there might be an "us"? 3. have you ever thought about about hookin up with me? 4. have you ever found yourself wanting a kiss from me? 5. have you ever wished i were there? (awwww <—) are you’s 1. are you thinking "what the fuck is wrong with this kid?" 2. are you happy you know me? 3. are you mad at me? 4. are (what) you thinkin bout me? 5. are you going to repost this so that i will return the favor?

7:47 PM

Monday, December 13, 2004

Recap

i feel like i have a weight on my shoulders… its uncomfortable. i feel as if my emotions are being held down and suffocated. Am i missing something big here? i went to jersey…. i had a good time i suppose… saw all my friends… it was so good to see everyone. i wish i had a day set apart for each of people i left behind when i moved. but as much as i was glad to visit jersey…. jersey weather is not enjoyable… and i couldnt wait to be back in florida… went to the dance… danced my butt off. woooot. afterwards…no big parties… so i went to the races in Phili with jeff alex and dave… we eventually parked and ran around center city for a few hours.. made some trouble and what not… it was fun.

Currently listening:
Chutes Too Narrow
By The Shins
Release date: 21 October, 2003

5:31 PM

Monday, December 13, 2004

LOOOOOK here
Current mood:

bored

1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. How have I affected you? 5. What do you think of me? 6. What’s the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 12. Physically, what stands out? 13. Emotionally, what stands out? 14. Do you wish i was cooler? 15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 17. Am I loveable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in 3 words 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think i’ll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 28. How well do you know me? 29. Do you wish to get to know me more? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t? 31. Do you think I could kill someone? 32. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

3:10 AM

Compilation of posts: Nov 6-Dec 6

Monday, December 06, 2004

103.1 Bake Sale Concert, The Verdict: HELLO SWEET

****all details excluded… cause im lazy**** I somehow found myself off of work saturday. quite a blessing. SATs sat morn. Major bummer… so hard to stay awake for those tests… anyway… i end up going to the bake sale concert… with a special group of people… phil, gada, kate and myself made our way to the concert… and it only took… THREE HOURS…. yea… probably more but im being nice… phil and his amazing directional coordination and phenomenal driving abilities wisked us about palm beach county for roughly three hours before arriving… that was fun… we did some illegal conspicuous activities before the concert… went in… had a jolly time… i must say.. the concert was cool but i had a hello sweet time chillin with phil kate and gada… we bullshitted… talked… chilled… went crazy… got deep… got… RAMBUNCTIOUS.. oh yea… all of the above… afterwards we went to cory’s house where we met up with a junk load of our friends… that was alot of fun… good bonding time with everyone… it was a quality party… a fun time… anyways… woke up this morning… went to church… where i tried staying awake… unsuccessful efforts… bah slept alot today… had killer guitar lessons with brian bell aka " the best guitarist in the friggen world" …slept more

Currently listening:
Give Up
By Postal Service
Release date: 18 February, 2003

1:37 AM

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Read this objectively… gimme a comment..

your gonna need a good 15 minutes… but its worth reading it and seeing whats up with the nationally controversial article… Article 1: No Longer a Christian Part 1 Rebutle Article2: No Longer a Christian Part 2

2:14 AM

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Yes… i am lifting once more…

*****DRAMATIZATION****** After lifting for 4 1/2 years when my father and i started lifting in our basement 530 everymorning… this lasted for a few years before i realized my passion for the sport and indiviually took it to another level… dec 17 2003 i stopped suddenly… and after losing 20 lbs… i realized i could not go on living without lifting as a part of my life… November 29th i resumed my passion once again… in three months i want to regain almost a years worth of weight lost… and attain my junior year weight of 180lbs… is it possible? 5000 calorie per day diet… lets hope so

3:19 AM

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Story: Mike’ s Adventures on Absinthe….

***** The rendition of actual events that Mike encountered on Thanksgiving eve is a DRAMATIZATION.*** November 24th was the beginning of a hell of a night. It started with a bottle… a bottle of Europes finest…Absinthe. My illustrious adventures began with the first bitter… and quite overpowering… sip of the "Green Fairy". (Let me note that absinthe is far from palatable… save anything after your first three drinks ofcourse… at that point you hardly taste anything at all…) After the first drink… followed up by 4 others… i found myself in an invigorated… lively… state of mind… not drunk whatsoever might i add… but more… enlightened… my bones felt stronger… i had reason… and there was a clearness that draped over my body. Over a period of several hours.. with my two close friends… we slipped into our "absinthical" state of minds and enjoyed the wee hours of the morn. and i mean WEE. like 300 AM wee. We mixed the 140 proof liquor (absinthe) with other parts and ingredients that are recommended to help induce a more pleasureable experience…. and to sweeten and lullify the harsh bitter,herbal taste of this exotic drink. Around 1:30 ish… i go online.. and inspect my buddylist… i talk to random ppl… who are also quite intoxicated… and write random messages and emails to ppl. (very intelligle i must add. I suprised myself at my conherent sentences and writing abilities.. even at the state i did reach.) one of the friends left. *pout*. but by chance we picked up one more. who left after a thirty minute roundabout and a stop at the only convenient store open. Walgreens. (a stores not convenient when they arent open… so i thank walgreens so staying true to thier covenient store heritage). So friend number 3 is tired and me and friend number one are not. so number 3 goes home. *pout once more* so im left with a jeep. My closest friend… and…accomplice and Five quite powerful drinks flowing throughout my body. first. lets do the math. Powerful all terrain vehicle that can smash through anything and ride over everything. CHECK. A friend who can coax and encourage bahavior you might not otherwise do by yourself becuase its foolish, but do it because they make you confident in your abilities to survive and conquer anything. Even Death. CHECK. A Foriegn pyschedelic liquor that serverly depresses the majority of your inhibitions and opens your mind in a way that you never thought possible. CHECK Jeep Friend Foreign liquor= TROUBLE (aka hello fun) sOOO….. we decide to go off roading. And i mean. Off roading. we didnt use roads.. oh no. roads are overplayed. everyone uses roads. not us. Hm… bushes.. no problem. "i dont wanna turn around. lets go through a yard to get to that road" "it says DO NO ENTER. Lets check it out." ETC., We traveled… many many hours in the jeep. everywhere. jupiter is no mystery to me any longer. Actually. South florida in general.anyway… continuing along…. 545 in the morning. Driving through a hello-big field. driving over hello-big mounds of dirt and debris… fun… well.. i just get done goin over a giant pile and… i go to switch gears.. but my clutch doesnt work. so im like. wtf. i pop it into neutral. fiddle with it. im at my wits end… and scared. my precious bulldog of a jeep is servely injured. my friend jumps on it and does his best to figure it out. we are in the middle of a field of dirt/ mud/ valleys/ mounds… offroad paradise. with a jeep. that doesnt work. im not even gonna tell you what i was thinking. but i put it in first and started the car in first whilst giving it gas. IT MOVED AND WE WERE OFF. my friend was standing and watching as i was driving off yelling to him" im not stopping you better run and jump in" so… he skidattled his way after me and jumped in. whatev. The ride home was very… scary. We could not stop in fear of not starting again. so….we get home in like 1st gear. check it out. some hydraulic line from the clutch to the transmission is BROKE. cracked. over worn. whatever. so. im fucked. 630 in the morning. im like… uh i need to go home.. i go home.. i havent checked in with my rents all night. i set myself up for trouble. i walk in the house 630 in the morn. and who do i see. my father. yes. my. militeristic christian moral father. and im not even gonna tell you what ge said to me. but it wasnt healthy. not at all. i was tired and it didnt matter. my jeep was broke. poo. -MIchael Sean-

7:20 PM

Thursday, November 25, 2004

ME friggen blabbing

Me frigen blabbing about shit most "men" wouldn’t dare speak of…cause its not cool…im bored. so bored. so i dont care. Life. Whats up with it. When is it gonna start getting good? is this as good as it gets? Why am i living it alone? do i chose to live it alone? i want to Love. it seems that asking to be loved is too much for some people. i want to enjoy life. i know its possible. I want to get really down to earth with someone. tell them how i feel. and let them know that i do care about their feelings. For me to fall for someone a connections gotta occur. its not enough that im attracted to them. the attractions gotta be there but its that we connect in a way that i am so confident in thier decisions and their intentions with my feelings that i can disreguard my insecurities and trust them. yea. thatd be cool. everytime i do that the girl goes nuts and fucks me over. literally sometimes. anyway. yea i wanna fall in love again. ofcourse im prepared to get hurt. when you fall in love you are setting yourself up for hurt. not always. there are ppl out there who are genuinely loving and would never dare to do anything to compromise thier feelings for you. i need to find someone like that. Id love them like they’ve never been loved before.

5:22 PM

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

a historical day

i met a girl today… whom i was THOROUGHLY impressed with. a rarity. i must say. it was like the "love at first sight" thats so enigmatic and mysterious. i felt like a little school boy. everyone knows what im talking about. the feelings that dont have to fester and grow… but explode and fill you up like they’ve always been there, the instant your eyes lock and hold onto eachothers… those are the feelings everyone looks forward to getting. no matter who you are. and i lovem. anyway… my little emotional rush for the day… that i felt inclined to share. hah.

Currently listening:
Give Up
By Postal Service
Release date: 18 February, 2003

3:34 PM

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Such Great Heights

For people who’ve never heard The postal service… you are missing out deeply… so im giving you an opprotunity to read some lyrics..just cuz

The Postal Service(amazing band)- Such Great Heights

I am thinking it’s a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they’re perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you’re away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, ‘come down now,’ they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
‘come down now,’ but we’ll stay…

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

Postal Service, The – Such Great Heights –>

Currently listening:
Give Up
By Postal Service
Release date: 18 February, 2003

9:33 PM

Saturday, November 13, 2004

thoughts and feelings

some writing:::

im cold now and my arms are empty
i say im warm and my heart is full but
who am i fooling
when the worlds a barron iceland
all i have is a phone and a sweater to keep me warm
and ive lost touch with you
youve lost all hope for me
but as long as your content and your arms are full
im ok with that my love
as long as youre warm
ill sit alone and think of you
by the candle you lit that set my heart afire

another:

i was drunk from the taste of your lips
and high from the touch of your soft skin
i thought i saw the world in its perfect state
but i was inebriated with love
now that we’re through im hungover
you left me sick and tired
how i long to be intoxicated with our love once more
but i know id wake up alone and unhappy again
wishing the same dream that left me feeling feeble…
this addicting love is so unhealthy for my mind and soul
your poison is killing me softly.

2:21 PM

Monday, November 08, 2004

DRUNK AS SHIT
Current mood:

blank

well.. november 6th 2004 was a historic night… THe drunkest mike has and will ever get… ever… because if i do happen to get any drunker id die….

i dont remember a whole lot after finishing the cuervo… i remember drinking a bottle of cuervo… and… some beer…and jello shots and having a good time the whole night… socializing… you know… doin what people to at partys when they are drunk….being crazy… meeting people.. doin the whole drunk thing… they had a mean slippin slide goin on outside… beer bongs… keg stands all night… everyone was drunk and being straight… until someone slashed my boys tires… then i got in killer mode… and (not naming any names) a "bunch" of upset/ pissed off/ crazed "people" went to his house and fucked the shit outta his house… windows and everything.. and his car is in ruins now….. and i have a gaping laceration in my hand with flesh all mangled and hanging out of it… and blood… and then round 300 just when the cops arrived i started throwing my brains up..in the bathtub (KEWL).. interesting… the bathroom was a bloody mess with my blood… and the bathtub was a giant cesspool… i thought i was gonna die… i was so drunk. i was so drunk i could hear everyone talking… but i couldnt see anything… and i couldnt even put words together to talk.. i was like… mentally retarded… my mind and body where completely unattached… i tried my hardest to form words and intelligible sentences/phrases… but it mostly came out in mumbling… the cops took pity on me… i told them in was all jennifers fault…they found that funny… jen didnt… i was havin a jolly time talking and listening to them as i was passed out throwin up… we had a ball.. they went easy on me tho… not funny was havin to hear my dads voice in the background when he came to pick me up at 400… he wasnt happy… and i was drunk… if you know my dad you just picture his face and look of disgust as he saw his pitiful drunk as hell son tryin to mumble to him… so he was not at all proud of me that night… esp after hearing i was a suspect in the whole rampage ordeal.. im clear tho… soo… .. i cant find my license… i think that the cops thieved it… hm… soo… i bonded with alot of people that night…. dont remember half of them… i will when i see the people again..i hope… except i do remember grace lauri and lauren.. i remember bonding with them…

what else… i woke up at like 1:00 still half drunk… and im still hungover and sore like crazy..my left hand is mangled… my right hand is like sprained… what i night…some joe shmo tried fighting me… while i had a bat in my hand… what the hell is wrong with people… people really have no common sense when theyre drunk…i shoulda knocked some sense into him..i took pity tho. it was the alcohol.

school tomorrow.. cool…

12:38 AM

Saturday, November 06, 2004

wedding reception

today… im going to a wedding reception with a special someone.. cool.. i got a slick new outfit so i dont look run down and ill kept. BOXELDER TONIGHT>>>>> HELL YEA>>>>

Currently listening:
Love Light Affection
By Boxelder
Release date: 13 April, 2001

3:35 PM

November 25, 2004

Story: Mike’ s Adventures on Absinthe….

***** The rendition of actual events that Mike encountered on Thanksgiving eve is a DRAMATIZATION.***

November 24th was the beginning of a hell of a night.

It started with a bottle… a bottle of Europes finest…Absinthe.

My illustrious adventures began with the first bitter… and quite overpowering… sip of the “Green Fairy”. (Let me note that absinthe is far from palatable… save anything after your first three drinks ofcourse… at that point you hardly taste anything at all…) After the first drink… followed up by 4 others… i found myself in an invigorated… lively… state of mind… not drunk whatsoever might i add… but more… enlightened… my bones felt stronger… i had reason… and there was a clearness that draped over my body. Over a period of several hours.. with my two close friends… we slipped into our “absinthical” state of minds and enjoyed the wee hours of the morn. and i mean WEE. like 300 AM wee. We mixed the 140 proof liquor (absinthe) with other parts and ingredients that are recommended to help induce a more pleasureable experience…. and to sweeten and lullify the harsh bitter,herbal taste of this exotic drink. Around 1:30 ish… i go online.. and inspect my buddylist… i talk to random ppl… who are also quite intoxicated… and write random messages and emails to ppl. (very intelligle i must add. I suprised myself at my conherent sentences and writing abilities.. even at the state i did reach.)

one of the friends left. *pout*. but by chance we picked up one more. who left after a thirty minute roundabout and a stop at the only convenient store open. Walgreens. (a stores not convenient when they arent open… so i thank walgreens so staying true to thier covenient store heritage). So friend number 3 is tired and me and friend number one are not. so number 3 goes home. *pout once more*

so im left with a jeep. My closest friend… and…accomplice and Five quite powerful drinks flowing throughout my body. first. lets do the math.

Powerful all terrain vehicle that can smash through anything and ride over everything. CHECK. A friend who can coax and encourage bahavior you might not otherwise do by yourself becuase its foolish, but do it because they make you confident in your abilities to survive and conquer anything. Even Death. CHECK. A Foriegn pyschedelic liquor that serverly depresses the majority of your inhibitions and opens your mind in a way that you never thought possible. CHECK

Jeep Friend Foreign liquor= TROUBLE (aka hello fun)

sOOO…..
we decide to go off roading. And i mean. Off roading. we didnt use roads.. oh no. roads are overplayed. everyone uses roads. not us.
Hm… bushes.. no problem. “i dont wanna turn around. lets go through a yard to get to that road” “it says DO NO ENTER. Lets check it out.” ETC.,
We traveled… many many hours in the jeep. everywhere. jupiter is no mystery to me any longer. Actually. South florida in general.anyway… continuing along….

545 in the morning. Driving through a hello-big field. driving over hello-big mounds of dirt and debris… fun… well..
i just get done goin over a giant pile and… i go to switch gears.. but my clutch doesnt work. so im like. wtf. i pop it into neutral. fiddle with it. im at my wits end… and scared. my precious bulldog of a jeep is servely injured. my friend jumps on it and does his best to figure it out. we are in the middle of a field of dirt/ mud/ valleys/ mounds… offroad paradise. with a jeep. that doesnt work.

im not even gonna tell you what i was thinking. but i put it in first and started the car in first whilst giving it gas. IT MOVED AND WE WERE OFF. my friend was standing and watching as i was driving off yelling to him” im not stopping you better run and jump in” so… he skidattled his way after me and jumped in. whatev. The ride home was very… scary. We could not stop in fear of not starting again. so….we get home in like 1st gear. check it out. some hydraulic line from the clutch to the transmission is BROKE. cracked. over worn. whatever. so. im fucked.

630 in the morning. im like… uh i need to go home.. i go home.. i havent checked in with my rents all night. i set myself up for trouble. i walk in the house 630 in the morn. and who do i see. my father. yes. my. militeristic christian moral father. and im not even gonna tell you what ge said to me. but it wasnt healthy. not at all. i was tired and it didnt matter. my jeep was broke. poo.

DRUNK AS SHIT

Current mood: blank

well.. november 6th 2004 was a historic night… THe drunkest mike has and will ever get… ever… because if i do happen to get any drunker id die….

i dont remember a whole lot after finishing the cuervo… i remember drinking a bottle of cuervo… and… some beer…and jello shots and having a good time the whole night… socializing… you know… doin what people to at partys when they are drunk….being crazy… meeting people.. doin the whole drunk thing… they had a mean slippin slide goin on outside… beer bongs… keg stands all night… everyone was drunk and being straight… until someone slashed my boys tires… then i got in killer mode… and (not naming any names) a “bunch” of upset/ pissed off/ crazed “people” went to his house and fucked the shit outta his house… windows and everything.. and his car is in ruins now….. and i have a gaping laceration in my hand with flesh all mangled and hanging out of it… and blood… and then round 300 just when the cops arrived i started throwing my brains up..in the bathtub (KEWL).. interesting… the bathroom was a bloody mess with my blood… and the bathtub was a giant cesspool… i thought i was gonna die… i was so drunk. i was so drunk i could hear everyone talking… but i couldnt see anything… and i couldnt even put words together to talk.. i was like… mentally retarded… my mind and body where completely unattached… i tried my hardest to form words and intelligible sentences/phrases… but it mostly came out in mumbling… the cops took pity on me… i told them in was all jennifers fault…they found that funny… jen didnt… i was havin a jolly time talking and listening to them as i was passed out throwin up… we had a ball.. they went easy on me tho… not funny was havin to hear my dads voice in the background when he came to pick me up at 400… he wasnt happy… and i was drunk… if you know my dad you just picture his face and look of disgust as he saw his pitiful drunk as hell son tryin to mumble to him… so he was not at all proud of me that night… esp after hearing i was a suspect in the whole rampage ordeal.. im clear tho… soo… .. i cant find my license… i think that the cops thieved it… hm… soo… i bonded with alot of people that night…. dont remember half of them… i will when i see the people again..i hope… except i do remember grace lauri and lauren.. i remember bonding with them…

school tomorrow.. cool…

12:38 AM

Compilation of posts: Oct 31- Nov 5

Friday, November 05, 2004

here is some deep thoughts. THink on this.

A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose in his heart, and set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the centralizing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being; but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought forces upon the object which he has set before him. He should make this purpose his supreme duty, and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his purpose (as he necessarily must until weakness is overcome), the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting point for future power and triumph. .

3:41 PM

Friday, November 05, 2004

what is LOVE?

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, love does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

3:41 PM

Friday, November 05, 2004

skipping school
Current mood:

awake

well… i woke up for school at 630 today… i took a shower got ready… blah blah… i wanted to go surfing today really bad… i looked outside it looked shitty… i called the surf report waves were 1-2 ft occasionally 3ft set… and choppy… more depression… its a friday…. so… i went back to bed… ………………….i have work at 500pm… i get to work like a friggen mexi bussing and get paid POO for it (is 9.00 poo?) i need to find a new job. or two new jobs… although i like pyros… 6.75 aint cuttin shit…………………………. ……..i didnt fail any classes this marking period… and only 1 D… damnit……. ………….when youre hurt? how do you show the person who hurt you? i never like hurting people… but sometimes shoving the brutal truth of their errors in thier face seems to get the point across.. my intentions are never to hurt the person… just show them my hurt… blah blah… emo shit. ………..

Currently listening:
Give Up
By Postal Service
Release date: 18 February, 2003

10:36 AM

Thursday, November 04, 2004

apartments for rent?
Current mood:

anxious

today… i looked for apartments… all day… im starting to realize that its gonna be impossible for me to afford to live in a decent neighborhood free from shootings drug busts and rapes… the search continues… i think we’ll get an additional 4th roomate… we’ll see btw… girls are really dense

Currently listening:
Blue
By Third Eye Blind
Release date: 23 November, 1999

9:07 PM

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

love
Current mood:

chipper

Going out tonight with a special someone… catching something to eat and who knows what else…

stressful week…letting a loved one go is never easy

9:23 PM

Monday, November 01, 2004

Manipulated
Current mood:

pissed off

Manipulation is the scariest most dangerous tool a person has in thier arsenal of reasoning. You manipulate by using a persons own vocabulary and understanding against them. The victim ends up compromising what they want, which usually coincides with their morals and ethics and logic, for the other persons benefit. The victim ends up rationalizing themselves into contradicting what they initially thought to be true. Manipulation is selfish. Often times its so difficult to decipher as manipulation. Its easy to agree with the person. Once youve learned to see manipulation, and see through manipulation, you actually see a persons true character come into light. THeir selfish desires are revealed and they become ugly.
What pisses me off even more than someone trying to manipulate me, unknowing that i see through the selfish desires, lies, and deceit, is when a person is fully aware that i see through the bullshit and they continue to manipulate. Its unbelieveable. They have no convictions. They dont even think twice about what their saying. They say anything for you to put down your walls that protect your insecurities so a hint of trust can thrive. From that trust spawns the manipulation. What saddens me through it all is that when someone actually continues to manipulate, despite knowing that im not at all stupid and i am fully aware of the circumstances at hand. What happens is a steady decline of trust is lost towards the person… which leads to the demise of any respect for them. Even more hurtful is when someone you love does it.
Someone i loved attempted to manipulate me recently. I saw through it all. I saw a glimpse of thier true character. she continued, completely in denial of the fact that we both knew how wrong she was. She denied me in order to save herself from destruction even though it would have been the right thing to do. Pride and stubborness also upset me. People need to get over themselves. Be real.. and mean it. cut the shit facade that you unveil to the public on a daily basis. It all comes back to insecurities. People will stop at nothing to prevent themselves from being hurt. I hate hurting. But i think its selfish as shit to hurt others in order to save yourself from hurt. Get depressed hurt yourself. Deal withit. Dont let the public know. thats my deepness for today.

Currently listening:
Time Bomb
By Buckcherry
Release date: 27 March, 2001

4:08 PM

Sunday, October 31, 2004

women
Current mood:

crushed

I have yet to find/meet/be with a woman whos willing to be 100% real with me. Women have issues called insecurites. Why the insecurities prevent them from admitting their wrong is another topic that pisses me off. How do you know when you found the one for you? How do you know you havent passed them by already? How do you know you arent in the process of messing up something genuinely good? :confused: Whenever you’re confused just know its the womens fault.

11:02 AM