Compilation of posts: Jan 11- Feb 2

Wednesday, February 02, 2005 


Current mood:  drunk

im drunk so im gonna blab: you cannot trust girls.. thats the first mistake a guy makes… trusting a girl. she will never be honest with you… she’ll tell you just enough so that shes convinced and youre hers.. i dont know about other guys… but i always know whats goin on… i never fall for the bull that they lead me to believe… they can talk and become emotional and all that… but i know… they can talk and be all emotional with any/ all guys they choose… and so can i. i know my genuine feelings. They usually never change inside… but oh i can change soo quickly if i had enough of the bull they keep feeding me. it only lasts so long. so girls are bitches… you think you got the one… untill you watch them do their magic… and usually my mentality is… ok i genuinly like this girl… but ill wait it out… see if they can see that and quit thier little pow wow business. but…. its on a rare ocassion they do. so rare do they change. i lead myself to believe they do at times… even tho… yea.. in the back of my mind i know whats up and how its going… and i get to a point… where im like… nah… not the one for me… devine shit… oh yea god landed her right in my lap… but i fail to realize at times that loves a sick and twisted thing. its worse than drugs… it makes you completely blind to the truth behind every women. what is it they are afraid of… are they afraid… if i get myself involved with this guy and i gonna end up not likeing him but already be involved… or is it… am i gonna like him… and eventually hes gonna not like me…and ill be heartbroken… yea… all that shit… what ive learned… i cannot experience girls unless i rid myself with all that bullshit that floods my head on a regualr baisis.. i cant begin to trust a girl if i continually think about the bull shit theyre doin…. so i acknowledge that its going on… put it in the back of my mind… and wait until they officially cross the line.. or show me that in only an option in their life and not a priority. why make someone a priority who only makes you an option. yea i can love. ive got love. but i got commonsense… and i want my love and thier love to be equivalent… itll never work out otherwise… i despise women who try and think they can play me. they think they know whats goin on in my head. they think im so naive. like i havent experienced women first hand. i wish they would all be real… so all you women/girls out there… be real… love like you never loved before… open up… its not like you are doomed if you tell someone how you feel about them… like oh boy he know my feelings… whatever… blow the dude off if he takes advantage of your feelings… chances are he didnt give a shit anyway… guys convince themselves that they like girls… they make them spill their guts then the girl gets all emotional about him and hes a dick.. well dont be afriad to say fuck you dude you are a fucking dick if he takes advantage of your feelings… dont talk to him again… i know girls do the same shit.. they think a guy likes them they extort exactly what they want a guy to say to them… even tho it isnt the right guy… and when they come to this they blow him off… yea fuck it all… blah blah… fucking complicated shit. so… bottomline… you wanna get laid… tell the dude. dudes are horny bitches… 9 out of ten will say yes… you wanna guy to emotional support… then tell his ass… just cause you tell him how you feel doesnt mean you are doomed and hes got you. nah. girls get over it.. and so do dudes… BUT. i wanna find love. where i can love her and she can love me and thats that. no one else. no controversal feelings.. no bullshit. love = love. thats how it should be. i wont give up. i know the games… i sometimes wonder if the damjn games will lead me there or not… im not big on playing them… hookin up and getting laid is so common place… and i see that it never works… one out of a billion you happen to find that person… so i dont participate in that whole lets hook up and see if we like eachother… fuck that.. id rather get myself off. i dont liek getting around.. having the title as a guy who hooks up with everyone. i wanna be that dude whos saved himself for that one girl that he fell in love with.. i wanna be all hers…

 
Wednesday, February 02, 2005 

a perfect circle – weak and powerless

 

 

today was not a good day.

Police are stupid.

 
Sunday, January 30, 2005 

You ripped my heart out of me then you put it back I’m pulling my hair I let you just a million times I love you even though it isn’t fair so… one of my favorite girls… lyndsi S… had her 17th birthday party last night… i enjoyed myself. loads of fun in the pool and hot tub and all that jazz… i developed a fondness for group showers… they stay G rated ofcourse. i had a good time watching all my friends get extremely intoxicated.. they all transform into totally different people… so love getting to know them while theyre in the state of mind.

 
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 

Look in my eyes I’m jaded now whatever that means By sharing these things I rip my heart out It’s worth my time Whatever that means…

 
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 

fuck fuck fuck Thats interesting.

 
Saturday, January 22, 2005 

ok… so…. i dyed my hair… i decided it was going to be black… but… in some crazy turn of events… it never turned black,… but a certain dark shade of bluE… (some say purple) its all… gooood. yea… so .1 Dyed hair ok… so i got really spontaneous…. and… i went to inklink… a tattoo and piercing parlor… and…. i got my dick pierced… yes…. thats right…. just kidding… actually i got a tattoo… yea… waiting for rents to disown me… they almost did when i dashed thier dreams of a blonde haired son.. InterJECTION: please note (on jennifers behalf) that she feels responsible for my tattoo… end interjection….(ofcourse this isnt true… but we let her think so) .2 Heart tattooed on the inside of my right wrist… black.. and small… so… maybe im a freak now… but i dont care…. i only seek the approval of the man i look at in the mirror everyday ahahahhaha

Currently listening:
The Living End
By The Living End
Release date: 09 February, 1999
 
Saturday, January 22, 2005 

yea… love… fuckin love… leaves you completely friggen helpless… ive accepted… and refined the art of supressing love… that sometimes its necessary. ive let go… i dont fear rejection… tired of paranoia… i want to love… to love and love and love… and not care whether im getting love in return…. i want to be dizzy with love… i want to be intoxicated by a womans beauty… i want to be overwhelmed with her presence… i want to be swept off my feet at her slightest wisper… i want to give my heart to a girl… a girl that will keep it safe in the palm of her hand and not put it in a box under her bed… i long for a girl to love me for me. i am over silly childish games… they urk me… i want to be honest with how i feel… if i feel like i love… i will… if i feel like i like i will… enough with the foolsih acts

 
Thursday, January 20, 2005 

for the next few days.. or however long i see fit… i am going to be spontaneous. no planning. just do it. if you have any suggestions for stuff you know id do… even tho id regret it later… please tell me. the shins are good.

Currently listening:
Oh, Inverted World
By The Shins
Release date: 19 June, 2001
 
Wednesday, January 12, 2005 

fuck the world. fuck life. fuck it.

 
 
Tuesday, January 11, 2005 

yea.

Compilation of posts: Dec 12- 24

Friday, December 24, 2004 

ive long since dreamed of your angelic face blowing wispers in my ear and before the break of every new day i lay and dream of you my love you taught me to sleep with hope tomorrow i will find myself lost in love once more

 
Wednesday, December 22, 2004 


Current mood:  infuriated

lately ive had raging emotions. i wanna kill. i wanna injure. pain is no contest. i want to unleash. i want to experience hurt. i want to bathe in pain. i want to inflict hurt. i want to destroy. i want to end things. i dont like being underestimated. i want to fight. i want to hold someones life in my hand. i want to breath death. whether my own or someone elses. im not fearful. im confident. i want to enjoy my sufferings and smile upon my pain. i want to lose it. I need to be pushed over the edge. please push me.

 
Wednesday, December 22, 2004 

sitting, looking, typing, seeing, feeling, moping, gasp intruiging, watching waiting, panting bleeding, infomous darkness never receding, to blank the thought of this distant needing, wanting more but never recieving, tending demons attending preachings, living lonesome living grieving, , leave the friendship never retreating, loveing lustful thoughts of healing, here i stand alone and kneeling, every tear that keeps on speeding, racing time like its fleeing, watchful demise intensity teeming,life long, lustful never ending, catch the promise, that which is pending, in your words that you keep bending, never knowing always pretending, let me know If I’m worth fending, and take the thoughts to keep me sending, simple words mabye just three, take these words, take them from me, and look inside find what you see, on what you missed, what it is is me, swallow your pride, swallow it whole, you took a dive, you paid the tole, you walked with pride never to see, who you really were, who you turned to be, signing out and clocking in, giving up, to giving in, you never new what you had to hold but now that I’m gone you’ll soon grow cold, dripping sweat, burning eyes, never to make your compromise, take these words and take them hard, shove them inside and wash them down for what you know you meant to me, I’m sorry but your friendship could never be

 
Monday, December 20, 2004 

my weekend…. friday… went to a close friends party… got inebriated… slept over… got molested by some girl… very uncomfortable situation…. overall good night… hung out with alot of guys i havent partied with in a long while… saturday DAY…. hung out with kate aLLLLLL day…. went out to EAT….. instead of seeing the polar express… gag…..met up with philip….. went to the malll….. got the camcorder up and running….. got ready for a bonfire…..saturday night… hm…. phil and i got a bonfire goin… good amount of people came and went… it got beat after the first hour… so we shot over crystals for awhile… only to return to the bonfire later that night… i must say… i drank a bit too much that night… had a killer time tho… saw alot of people id never thought id see at a party… anyway… it was goooood. had fun shootin my pellet gun… choppin shit up with a machete(sp?) and bashin things up with bats… overall fun… hm…. tonight went to a close friends lumanares? or something.. basically a giant block party… yea… didnt know anyone so i left… getting ready to go to stadium grills xmas party… FUN… good shit… exams tomorrow… wish me luck…. HA im like $400 in the hole for my car damage… still.. its been about a month now… right before xmas was a kick in the balls for my car to break… bummer.

 
Saturday, December 18, 2004 

 
Thursday, December 16, 2004 

yea.

 
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 

"This fall I think youre riding for – it’s a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn’t permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement’s designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own enviornment couldn’t supply them with. Or they thought their own enviornment couldn’t supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really got started."

 
Monday, December 13, 2004 

didnt come up with this… but i found it humorous and entertaining enough..so:::: do you’s? 1. do you think im cute? 2. do you want to kiss me? 3. do you want to cuddle wit me? 4. do you want to hook up with me? 5. do you like my hair? are we’s? 1. are we aquintences? 2. are we friends? 3. are we hook ups? 4. are we in a relationship? 5. are we going to have kids? 6. are we going to fhuck like vild boar? would you’s? 1. would you hang out with me? 2. would you ask me out on a date? 3. would you be my hook up? 4. would you be my girlfriend/boyfriend? 5. would you have sex with me? have you ever? 1. have you ever thought about me? 2. have you ever thought there might be an "us"? 3. have you ever thought about about hookin up with me? 4. have you ever found yourself wanting a kiss from me? 5. have you ever wished i were there? (awwww <—) are you’s 1. are you thinking "what the fuck is wrong with this kid?" 2. are you happy you know me? 3. are you mad at me? 4. are (what) you thinkin bout me? 5. are you going to repost this so that i will return the favor?

 
Monday, December 13, 2004 

i feel like i have a weight on my shoulders… its uncomfortable. i feel as if my emotions are being held down and suffocated. Am i missing something big here? i went to jersey…. i had a good time i suppose… saw all my friends… it was so good to see everyone. i wish i had a day set apart for each of people i left behind when i moved. but as much as i was glad to visit jersey…. jersey weather is not enjoyable… and i couldnt wait to be back in florida… went to the dance… danced my butt off. woooot. afterwards…no big parties… so i went to the races in Phili with jeff alex and dave… we eventually parked and ran around center city for a few hours.. made some trouble and what not… it was fun.

Currently listening:
Chutes Too Narrow
By The Shins
Release date: 21 October, 2003
 
Monday, December 13, 2004 


Current mood:  bored

1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. How have I affected you? 5. What do you think of me? 6. What’s the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 12. Physically, what stands out? 13. Emotionally, what stands out? 14. Do you wish i was cooler? 15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 17. Am I loveable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in 3 words 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think i’ll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 28. How well do you know me? 29. Do you wish to get to know me more? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t? 31. Do you think I could kill someone? 32. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

Compilation of posts: Nov 6-Dec 6

Monday, December 06, 2004 

****all details excluded… cause im lazy**** I somehow found myself off of work saturday. quite a blessing. SATs sat morn. Major bummer… so hard to stay awake for those tests… anyway… i end up going to the bake sale concert… with a special group of people… phil, gada, kate and myself made our way to the concert… and it only took… THREE HOURS…. yea… probably more but im being nice… phil and his amazing directional coordination and phenomenal driving abilities wisked us about palm beach county for roughly three hours before arriving… that was fun… we did some illegal conspicuous activities before the concert… went in… had a jolly time… i must say.. the concert was cool but i had a hello sweet time chillin with phil kate and gada… we bullshitted… talked… chilled… went crazy… got deep… got… RAMBUNCTIOUS.. oh yea… all of the above… afterwards we went to cory’s house where we met up with a junk load of our friends… that was alot of fun… good bonding time with everyone… it was a quality party… a fun time… anyways… woke up this morning… went to church… where i tried staying awake… unsuccessful efforts… bah slept alot today… had killer guitar lessons with brian bell aka " the best guitarist in the friggen world" …slept more

Currently listening:
Give Up
By Postal Service
Release date: 18 February, 2003
 
Thursday, December 02, 2004 

your gonna need a good 15 minutes… but its worth reading it and seeing whats up with the nationally controversial article… Article 1: No Longer a Christian Part 1 Rebutle Article2: No Longer a Christian Part 2

 
Wednesday, December 01, 2004 

*****DRAMATIZATION****** After lifting for 4 1/2 years when my father and i started lifting in our basement 530 everymorning… this lasted for a few years before i realized my passion for the sport and indiviually took it to another level… dec 17 2003 i stopped suddenly… and after losing 20 lbs… i realized i could not go on living without lifting as a part of my life… November 29th i resumed my passion once again… in three months i want to regain almost a years worth of weight lost… and attain my junior year weight of 180lbs… is it possible? 5000 calorie per day diet… lets hope so

 
Thursday, November 25, 2004 

***** The rendition of actual events that Mike encountered on Thanksgiving eve is a DRAMATIZATION.*** November 24th was the beginning of a hell of a night. It started with a bottle… a bottle of Europes finest…Absinthe. My illustrious adventures began with the first bitter… and quite overpowering… sip of the "Green Fairy". (Let me note that absinthe is far from palatable… save anything after your first three drinks ofcourse… at that point you hardly taste anything at all…) After the first drink… followed up by 4 others… i found myself in an invigorated… lively… state of mind… not drunk whatsoever might i add… but more… enlightened… my bones felt stronger… i had reason… and there was a clearness that draped over my body. Over a period of several hours.. with my two close friends… we slipped into our "absinthical" state of minds and enjoyed the wee hours of the morn. and i mean WEE. like 300 AM wee. We mixed the 140 proof liquor (absinthe) with other parts and ingredients that are recommended to help induce a more pleasureable experience…. and to sweeten and lullify the harsh bitter,herbal taste of this exotic drink. Around 1:30 ish… i go online.. and inspect my buddylist… i talk to random ppl… who are also quite intoxicated… and write random messages and emails to ppl. (very intelligle i must add. I suprised myself at my conherent sentences and writing abilities.. even at the state i did reach.) one of the friends left. *pout*. but by chance we picked up one more. who left after a thirty minute roundabout and a stop at the only convenient store open. Walgreens. (a stores not convenient when they arent open… so i thank walgreens so staying true to thier covenient store heritage). So friend number 3 is tired and me and friend number one are not. so number 3 goes home. *pout once more* so im left with a jeep. My closest friend… and…accomplice and Five quite powerful drinks flowing throughout my body. first. lets do the math. Powerful all terrain vehicle that can smash through anything and ride over everything. CHECK. A friend who can coax and encourage bahavior you might not otherwise do by yourself becuase its foolish, but do it because they make you confident in your abilities to survive and conquer anything. Even Death. CHECK. A Foriegn pyschedelic liquor that serverly depresses the majority of your inhibitions and opens your mind in a way that you never thought possible. CHECK Jeep Friend Foreign liquor= TROUBLE (aka hello fun) sOOO….. we decide to go off roading. And i mean. Off roading. we didnt use roads.. oh no. roads are overplayed. everyone uses roads. not us. Hm… bushes.. no problem. "i dont wanna turn around. lets go through a yard to get to that road" "it says DO NO ENTER. Lets check it out." ETC., We traveled… many many hours in the jeep. everywhere. jupiter is no mystery to me any longer. Actually. South florida in general.anyway… continuing along…. 545 in the morning. Driving through a hello-big field. driving over hello-big mounds of dirt and debris… fun… well.. i just get done goin over a giant pile and… i go to switch gears.. but my clutch doesnt work. so im like. wtf. i pop it into neutral. fiddle with it. im at my wits end… and scared. my precious bulldog of a jeep is servely injured. my friend jumps on it and does his best to figure it out. we are in the middle of a field of dirt/ mud/ valleys/ mounds… offroad paradise. with a jeep. that doesnt work. im not even gonna tell you what i was thinking. but i put it in first and started the car in first whilst giving it gas. IT MOVED AND WE WERE OFF. my friend was standing and watching as i was driving off yelling to him" im not stopping you better run and jump in" so… he skidattled his way after me and jumped in. whatev. The ride home was very… scary. We could not stop in fear of not starting again. so….we get home in like 1st gear. check it out. some hydraulic line from the clutch to the transmission is BROKE. cracked. over worn. whatever. so. im fucked. 630 in the morning. im like… uh i need to go home.. i go home.. i havent checked in with my rents all night. i set myself up for trouble. i walk in the house 630 in the morn. and who do i see. my father. yes. my. militeristic christian moral father. and im not even gonna tell you what ge said to me. but it wasnt healthy. not at all. i was tired and it didnt matter. my jeep was broke. poo. -MIchael Sean-

 
Thursday, November 25, 2004 

Me frigen blabbing about shit most "men" wouldn’t dare speak of…cause its not cool…im bored. so bored. so i dont care. Life. Whats up with it. When is it gonna start getting good? is this as good as it gets? Why am i living it alone? do i chose to live it alone? i want to Love. it seems that asking to be loved is too much for some people. i want to enjoy life. i know its possible. I want to get really down to earth with someone. tell them how i feel. and let them know that i do care about their feelings. For me to fall for someone a connections gotta occur. its not enough that im attracted to them. the attractions gotta be there but its that we connect in a way that i am so confident in thier decisions and their intentions with my feelings that i can disreguard my insecurities and trust them. yea. thatd be cool. everytime i do that the girl goes nuts and fucks me over. literally sometimes. anyway. yea i wanna fall in love again. ofcourse im prepared to get hurt. when you fall in love you are setting yourself up for hurt. not always. there are ppl out there who are genuinely loving and would never dare to do anything to compromise thier feelings for you. i need to find someone like that. Id love them like they’ve never been loved before.

 
Tuesday, November 23, 2004 

i met a girl today… whom i was THOROUGHLY impressed with. a rarity. i must say. it was like the "love at first sight" thats so enigmatic and mysterious. i felt like a little school boy. everyone knows what im talking about. the feelings that dont have to fester and grow… but explode and fill you up like they’ve always been there, the instant your eyes lock and hold onto eachothers… those are the feelings everyone looks forward to getting. no matter who you are. and i lovem. anyway… my little emotional rush for the day… that i felt inclined to share. hah.

Currently listening:
Give Up
By Postal Service
Release date: 18 February, 2003
 
Sunday, November 21, 2004 

For people who’ve never heard The postal service… you are missing out deeply… so im giving you an opprotunity to read some lyrics..just cuz

The Postal Service(amazing band)- Such Great Heights

I am thinking it’s a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they’re perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you’re away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, ‘come down now,’ they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
‘come down now,’ but we’ll stay…

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

Postal Service, The – Such Great Heights –>

Currently listening:
Give Up
By Postal Service
Release date: 18 February, 2003
 
Saturday, November 13, 2004 

some writing:::

im cold now and my arms are empty
i say im warm and my heart is full but
who am i fooling
when the worlds a barron iceland
all i have is a phone and a sweater to keep me warm
 and ive lost touch with you
youve lost all hope for me
but as long as your content and your arms are full
im ok with that my love
as long as youre warm
ill sit alone and think of you
by the candle you lit that set my heart afire

 

another:

i was drunk from the taste of your lips
and high from the touch of your soft skin
i thought i saw the world in its  perfect state
but i was inebriated with love
now that we’re through im hungover
you left me sick and tired
how i long to be intoxicated with our love once more
but i know id wake up alone and unhappy again
wishing the same dream that left me feeling feeble…
this addicting love is so unhealthy for my mind and soul
your poison is killing me softly.

 
Monday, November 08, 2004 


Current mood:  blank

well.. november 6th 2004 was a historic night… THe drunkest mike has and will ever get… ever… because if i do happen to get any drunker id die….

i dont remember a whole lot after finishing the cuervo… i remember drinking a bottle of cuervo… and… some beer…and jello shots and having a good time the whole night… socializing… you know… doin what people to at partys when they are drunk….being crazy… meeting people.. doin the whole drunk thing… they had a mean slippin slide goin on outside… beer bongs… keg stands all night… everyone was drunk and being straight…  until someone slashed my boys tires… then i got in killer mode… and (not naming any names) a "bunch" of  upset/ pissed off/ crazed "people" went to his house and fucked the shit outta his house… windows and everything.. and his car is in ruins now….. and i have a gaping laceration in my hand with flesh all mangled and hanging out of it… and blood… and then round 300 just when the cops arrived i started throwing my brains up..in the bathtub (KEWL).. interesting… the bathroom was a bloody mess with my blood… and the bathtub was a giant cesspool… i thought i was gonna die… i was so drunk. i was so drunk i could hear everyone talking… but i couldnt see anything… and i couldnt even put words together to talk.. i was like… mentally retarded… my mind and body where completely unattached… i tried my hardest to form words and intelligible sentences/phrases… but it mostly came out in mumbling…  the cops took pity on me… i told them in was all jennifers fault…they found that funny… jen didnt… i was havin a jolly time talking and listening to them as i was passed out throwin up… we had a ball.. they went easy on me tho… not funny was havin to hear my dads voice in the background when he came to pick me up at 400… he wasnt happy… and i was drunk… if you know my dad you just picture his face and look of disgust as he saw his pitiful drunk as hell son tryin to mumble to him… so he was not at all proud of me that night… esp after hearing i was a suspect in the whole rampage ordeal.. im clear tho… soo… .. i cant find my license… i think that the cops thieved it… hm…  soo… i bonded with alot of people that night…. dont remember half of them… i will when i see the people again..i hope… except i do remember grace lauri and lauren.. i remember bonding with them…

what else… i woke up at like 1:00 still half drunk… and im still hungover and sore like crazy..my left hand is mangled… my right hand is like sprained… what i night…some joe shmo tried fighting me… while i had a bat in my hand… what the hell is wrong with people… people really have no common sense when theyre drunk…i shoulda knocked some sense into him..i took pity tho. it was the alcohol.

 

school tomorrow.. cool…

 
Saturday, November 06, 2004 

today… im going to a wedding reception with a special someone.. cool.. i got a slick new outfit so i dont look run down and ill kept. BOXELDER TONIGHT>>>>> HELL YEA>>>>

Currently listening:
Love Light Affection
By Boxelder
Release date: 13 April, 2001

November 25, 2004

Story: Mike’ s Adventures on Absinthe….

***** The rendition of actual events that Mike encountered on Thanksgiving eve is a DRAMATIZATION.***

November 24th was the beginning of a hell of a night.

It started with a bottle… a bottle of Europes finest…Absinthe.

My illustrious adventures began with the first bitter… and quite overpowering… sip of the “Green Fairy”. (Let me note that absinthe is far from palatable… save anything after your first three drinks ofcourse… at that point you hardly taste anything at all…) After the first drink… followed up by 4 others… i found myself in an invigorated… lively… state of mind… not drunk whatsoever might i add… but more… enlightened… my bones felt stronger… i had reason… and there was a clearness that draped over my body. Over a period of several hours.. with my two close friends… we slipped into our “absinthical” state of minds and enjoyed the wee hours of the morn. and i mean WEE. like 300 AM wee. We mixed the 140 proof liquor (absinthe) with other parts and ingredients that are recommended to help induce a more pleasureable experience…. and to sweeten and lullify the harsh bitter,herbal taste of this exotic drink. Around 1:30 ish… i go online.. and inspect my buddylist… i talk to random ppl… who are also quite intoxicated… and write random messages and emails to ppl. (very intelligle i must add. I suprised myself at my conherent sentences and writing abilities.. even at the state i did reach.)

one of the friends left. *pout*. but by chance we picked up one more. who left after a thirty minute roundabout and a stop at the only convenient store open. Walgreens. (a stores not convenient when they arent open… so i thank walgreens so staying true to thier covenient store heritage). So friend number 3 is tired and me and friend number one are not. so number 3 goes home. *pout once more*

so im left with a jeep. My closest friend… and…accomplice and Five quite powerful drinks flowing throughout my body. first. lets do the math.

Powerful all terrain vehicle that can smash through anything and ride over everything. CHECK. A friend who can coax and encourage bahavior you might not otherwise do by yourself becuase its foolish, but do it because they make you confident in your abilities to survive and conquer anything. Even Death. CHECK. A Foriegn pyschedelic liquor that serverly depresses the majority of your inhibitions and opens your mind in a way that you never thought possible. CHECK

Jeep Friend Foreign liquor= TROUBLE (aka hello fun)

sOOO…..
we decide to go off roading. And i mean. Off roading. we didnt use roads.. oh no. roads are overplayed. everyone uses roads. not us.
Hm… bushes.. no problem. “i dont wanna turn around. lets go through a yard to get to that road” “it says DO NO ENTER. Lets check it out.” ETC.,
We traveled… many many hours in the jeep. everywhere. jupiter is no mystery to me any longer. Actually. South florida in general.anyway… continuing along….

545 in the morning. Driving through a hello-big field. driving over hello-big mounds of dirt and debris… fun… well..
i just get done goin over a giant pile and… i go to switch gears.. but my clutch doesnt work. so im like. wtf. i pop it into neutral. fiddle with it. im at my wits end… and scared. my precious bulldog of a jeep is servely injured. my friend jumps on it and does his best to figure it out. we are in the middle of a field of dirt/ mud/ valleys/ mounds… offroad paradise. with a jeep. that doesnt work.

im not even gonna tell you what i was thinking. but i put it in first and started the car in first whilst giving it gas. IT MOVED AND WE WERE OFF. my friend was standing and watching as i was driving off yelling to him” im not stopping you better run and jump in” so… he skidattled his way after me and jumped in. whatev. The ride home was very… scary. We could not stop in fear of not starting again. so….we get home in like 1st gear. check it out. some hydraulic line from the clutch to the transmission is BROKE. cracked. over worn. whatever. so. im fucked.

630 in the morning. im like… uh i need to go home.. i go home.. i havent checked in with my rents all night. i set myself up for trouble. i walk in the house 630 in the morn. and who do i see. my father. yes. my. militeristic christian moral father. and im not even gonna tell you what ge said to me. but it wasnt healthy. not at all. i was tired and it didnt matter. my jeep was broke. poo.

DRUNK AS SHIT

Current mood: blank

well.. november 6th 2004 was a historic night… THe drunkest mike has and will ever get… ever… because if i do happen to get any drunker id die….

i dont remember a whole lot after finishing the cuervo… i remember drinking a bottle of cuervo… and… some beer…and jello shots and having a good time the whole night… socializing… you know… doin what people to at partys when they are drunk….being crazy… meeting people.. doin the whole drunk thing… they had a mean slippin slide goin on outside… beer bongs… keg stands all night… everyone was drunk and being straight… until someone slashed my boys tires… then i got in killer mode… and (not naming any names) a “bunch” of upset/ pissed off/ crazed “people” went to his house and fucked the shit outta his house… windows and everything.. and his car is in ruins now….. and i have a gaping laceration in my hand with flesh all mangled and hanging out of it… and blood… and then round 300 just when the cops arrived i started throwing my brains up..in the bathtub (KEWL).. interesting… the bathroom was a bloody mess with my blood… and the bathtub was a giant cesspool… i thought i was gonna die… i was so drunk. i was so drunk i could hear everyone talking… but i couldnt see anything… and i couldnt even put words together to talk.. i was like… mentally retarded… my mind and body where completely unattached… i tried my hardest to form words and intelligible sentences/phrases… but it mostly came out in mumbling… the cops took pity on me… i told them in was all jennifers fault…they found that funny… jen didnt… i was havin a jolly time talking and listening to them as i was passed out throwin up… we had a ball.. they went easy on me tho… not funny was havin to hear my dads voice in the background when he came to pick me up at 400… he wasnt happy… and i was drunk… if you know my dad you just picture his face and look of disgust as he saw his pitiful drunk as hell son tryin to mumble to him… so he was not at all proud of me that night… esp after hearing i was a suspect in the whole rampage ordeal.. im clear tho… soo… .. i cant find my license… i think that the cops thieved it… hm… soo… i bonded with alot of people that night…. dont remember half of them… i will when i see the people again..i hope… except i do remember grace lauri and lauren.. i remember bonding with them…

what else… i woke up at like 1:00 still half drunk… and im still hungover and sore like crazy..my left hand is mangled… my right hand is like sprained… what i night…some joe shmo tried fighting me… while i had a bat in my hand… what the hell is wrong with people… people really have no common sense when theyre drunk…i shoulda knocked some sense into him..i took pity tho. it was the alcohol.

school tomorrow.. cool…

12:38 AM

Compilation of posts: Oct 31- Nov 5

Friday, November 05, 2004 

A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose in his heart, and set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the centralizing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being; but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought forces upon the object which he has set before him. He should make this purpose his supreme duty, and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his purpose (as he necessarily must until weakness is overcome), the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting point for future power and triumph. .

 
Friday, November 05, 2004 

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, love does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 
Friday, November 05, 2004 


Current mood:  awake

well… i woke up for school at 630 today… i took a shower got ready… blah blah… i wanted to go surfing today really bad… i looked outside it looked shitty… i called the surf report waves were 1-2 ft occasionally 3ft set… and choppy… more depression… its a friday…. so… i went back to bed… ………………….i have work at 500pm… i get to work like a friggen mexi bussing and get paid POO for it (is 9.00 poo?) i need to find a new job. or two new jobs… although i like pyros… 6.75 aint cuttin shit…………………………. ……..i didnt fail any classes this marking period… and only 1 D… damnit……. ………….when youre hurt? how do you show the person who hurt you? i never like hurting people… but sometimes shoving the brutal truth of their errors in thier face seems to get the point across.. my intentions are never to hurt the person… just show them my hurt… blah blah… emo shit. ………..

Currently listening:
Give Up
By Postal Service
Release date: 18 February, 2003
 
Thursday, November 04, 2004 


Current mood:  anxious

today… i looked for apartments… all day… im starting to realize that its gonna be impossible for me to afford to live in a decent neighborhood free from shootings drug busts and rapes… the search continues… i think we’ll get an additional 4th roomate… we’ll see btw… girls are really dense

Currently listening:
Blue
By Third Eye Blind
Release date: 23 November, 1999
 
Wednesday, November 03, 2004 


Current mood:  chipper

Going out tonight with a special someone… catching something to eat and who knows what else…

stressful week…letting a loved one go is never easy
 

 
Monday, November 01, 2004 


Current mood:  pissed off

Manipulation is the scariest most dangerous tool a person has in thier arsenal of reasoning. You manipulate by using a persons own vocabulary and understanding against them. The victim ends up compromising what they want, which usually coincides with their morals and ethics and logic, for the other persons benefit. The victim ends up rationalizing themselves into contradicting what they initially thought to be true. Manipulation is selfish. Often times its so difficult to decipher as manipulation. Its easy to agree with the person. Once youve learned to see manipulation, and see through manipulation, you actually see a persons true character come into light. THeir selfish desires are revealed and they become ugly.
What pisses me off even more than someone trying to manipulate me, unknowing that i see through the selfish desires, lies, and deceit, is when a person is fully aware that i see through the bullshit and they continue to manipulate. Its unbelieveable. They have no convictions. They dont even think twice about what their saying. They say anything for you to put down your walls that protect your insecurities so a hint of trust can thrive. From that trust spawns the manipulation. What saddens me through it all is that when someone actually continues to manipulate, despite knowing that im not at all stupid and i am fully aware of the circumstances at hand. What happens is a steady decline of trust is lost towards the person… which leads to the demise of any respect for them. Even more hurtful is when someone you love does it.
Someone i loved attempted to manipulate me recently. I saw through it all. I saw a glimpse of thier true character. she continued, completely in denial of the fact that we both knew how wrong she was. She denied me in order to save herself from destruction even though it would have been the right thing to do. Pride and stubborness also upset me. People need to get over themselves. Be real.. and mean it. cut the shit facade that you unveil to the public on a daily basis. It all comes back to insecurities. People will stop at nothing to prevent themselves from being hurt. I hate hurting. But i think its selfish as shit to hurt others in order to save yourself from hurt. Get depressed hurt yourself. Deal withit. Dont let the public know. thats my deepness for today.

Currently listening:
Time Bomb
By Buckcherry
Release date: 27 March, 2001
 
Sunday, October 31, 2004 


Current mood:  crushed

I have yet to find/meet/be with a woman whos willing to be 100% real with me. Women have issues called insecurites. Why the insecurities prevent them from admitting their wrong is another topic that pisses me off. How do you know when you found the one for you? How do you know you havent passed them by already? How do you know you arent in the process of messing up something genuinely good? :confused: Whenever you’re confused just know its the womens fault.