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” When I was young, I asked more of people than they could give: everlasting friendship, endless feeling. Now I know to ask less of them than they can give: a straightforward companionship. And their feelings, their friendship, their generous actions seem in my eyes to be wholly miraculous: a consequence of grace alone.”

“One cannot live with truth -– “knowingly” –, he who does so sets himself apart from other men, he can no longer in any way share their illusion. He is an alien -– and that is what I am.”

Existentialism…
I just wrote a whole lot of heartfelt thoughts. Bothering thoughts… and they got erased. It was probably cathartic nonetheless.

Everything seems so inescapable. Life is absurd.

I keep hearing and reading that the Democrats have the better economic policies… and that history shows it. This intrigued me because their policies have always tended caused more spending and more regulation. I stumbled across this article and it did a great job highlighting all the factors and details that go unnoticed by most people hailing democrats as the saviors of our economy.  In the end… I only want whats best. I have nothing to gain from refusing social spending and refusing government subsidies. I’m open to a new leader. I just want a reliable, principled, no none sense official who can distinguish between right and wrong and think long term on behalf of the people.

I need sleep. I’m a virtual zombie. For some reason I’ve been undermining my convictions. I don’t necessarily mean my morals or things of that nature. I’m referring to the conviction to do the right thing when I know I should… like.. going to bed EARLY… instead of aimlessly wasting time..like.. studying when I have a free hour instead of playing guitar… like… putting a little extra effort into eating healthy instead of wasting time and having to eat quick on the go meals.

Days like this I just move from class to class… conversation from conversation… nodding and blinking and smiling… more or less staring off into space… staring through people. Things don’t sink in. It’s all superficial. Meaning and conversation. My professors… they just talk. I’m not listening to them. They try to be meaningful… its hallow jargon. Repetitive. I have anxiety in my chest. It gnaws. It scrapes and wrestles around inside me. It makes my legs and toes twist and stretch.

Fat kids. Gosh. lots of fat kids. All around me. I see them quietly munching on starchy chips… nibbling on their sweets… sloshing it down with carbonated sugar water. They have breasts… and they’re men. The women have lost their curves and developed into mis-shapely blobs… strikingly amoeba like.

Days like today make me feel like time is relative. Long long days. Classes, meetings, clubs, events, programs… 15 hours with few breaks to recollect thoughts and reflect.

A problem I have when I don’t sleep is that I don’t learn. Most learning takes place during hour REM hours of rest. I haven’t had too much of that lately. Caffeine. I’m always reluctant to indulge in stimulants. They wreck you mode. You crash. You become imbalanced. Even when I get on a routine usage of caffeine in the mornings the balance, or results when I skip this ritual is detrimental to anything productive taking place.

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

********

On another note…

I’ll be visiting UPENN and NYU next week.. wed-sunday. My best friend from florida is flying up and joining me… he’s checking out villanova law school in Penn and Cardosa Law in NYC. It’s gonna be a good time catching up and hanging out. I wrote up my itineraries.. hopefully I can meet an awesome professor or two. On one of those transfer essays I need to explain why I want to transfer.. and tell about a professor i’d like to study under and why I think his work is influential… wow. Intense. Sounds like a challenge. I’m up for it.

*****

Do I want to be a force? Are there neutral forces? Must I be positive or negative? There will always be consequences for my actions. Will my intentions always yield the best circumstances? Ying yang stuff. forces. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What on EARTH. I’ve decided that everything is blah. thats it.. blah. nothing matters. everything is trivial. EVERYTHING. In the end… it doesnt matter. I make it matter. I decide what matters. I decide what ultimately is a cost. What ultimately is a reward. Nothing is what it seems. Temporal. Everything.

Reading "The Brothers Karamazov".

I love Dostoyevsky.

I’m not really living yet. I mean. Every day I desire something. Whether or not I choose to strive for it usually determines how I’m feeling. I’m ok with the challenge- the struggle. It feels good. And the more I do it the better I feel. eh. people. They are so funny. Sometimes I get outside myself, and get in this mode where I gain a special awareness for emotions- mine and others. I get in these states and people become predictable. Its like… I use my attitude, my rhetoric and language, to change them. To persuade or guide them into an emotional or mental place of my liking. It sounds like manipulation, but its never for selfish intent. Its for the sheer fun of it. Its not necessary misleading because I’m genuine and sincere and my intention is nothing but the best but… people. Seriously.

I was reading about attribution theory today in a social psych module. I also read about fundamental attribution error. It deals with peoples circumstances and how people interpret them based on the influence they give these circumstances rather than the influence the circumstances have in reality. I’ll write more about these thoughts but it was interesting. People.

As soon as I stop thinking about myself…Life improves. Its funny.

Do yourself a favor and check out the writings of the most underrated author, essayist, poet and satirist in English language: G.K. Chesterton

Discover him here

Read some of his work on-line here

I picked up a book of his, Tremendous Trifles, and read through it this summer. He wrote so much, and so well, that he published his rantings, journals, and random thoughts that were good enough to be amazing books.

Check out any of his work from "Tremendous Trifles"

Let me know what you think—-

Read on!..

My life is boring. I expect it to be that way so I can’t say I’m surprised. I’ve got myself programmed to believe I’m working toward some fulfilling goal. That this dreary boredom is somehow a payment for treasures ahead. I wonder how much I lie to myself.

One side of me is restrained, reserved, conservative, deliberate, cautious, wise, calculated, thoughtful, charming and principled. That is the man in me. The other side of me is wild, spontaneous, playful, risky, joyous, dreamy, unguided, loving, surprised, and filled with a never ending awe. This is the boy in me.

The boy in me wants to travel, see far off distant lands, meet sweet girls, play in the grass, feel, touch, love, kiss, and just delve into adventure after adventure.
The man in me wants to offer security, stability, support, and reliability.

I’m torn with these very opposite impulses. While one is reflective and overall wiser from his experience, the other is thirsting for life and newness. It wants spice! It wants girls! It wants to play! It doesn’t want schedules or responsibility! It wants to play music, and sing, and draw, and paint, and run, and jump, and scream, and laugh, and smile, and soak up feeling life all around.

I laughed to myself. I was discussing politics as usual with my friend a bit earlier. He’s a staunch (or steeply ignorant)Democrat with very liberal ideas about what seems to work and what doesn’t. That’s not really the point. — On a side note. I was thinking earlier and I had a mini epiphany. Liberals genuinely think people on the whole are good. When something goes wrong they point the accusatory finger and blame specific people for their problems, never accepting responsibility. Conservatives, on the other hand, believe people have potential to be good, but the majority are prone to failure and flaw if left to themselves.—
So anyway… we were discussing health-care. He believes in socialized healthcare. I believe that yea, there should be programs in place for health-care but at whose expense? Who will pay for these programs? Would mom and pop, you and me? Will the doctors be be forced to accept lower wage incentives because of a socialized system? Would this sacrifice quality? Surely. He staunchly maintained that 60% of doctors favor socialized health-care!… that these doctors favor giving their time to help the poor people at a lower wage! How poetic! I challenged him to check the facts and look at the hidden prerogative. So we checked these facts. He was right. Most doctors do favor socialized health care. And do you know why? Because the government… aka Taxpayers… will be paying for their malpractice suits!!! Wow! No wonder Doctors favor Social health care programs. They don’t have to shell out nearly as much money for their malpractice insurance- which is through the roof. Which is why health care is so expensive anyway. Do you know why this insurance is so high? Because dishonest, ignorant, idiot people sue Doctors and the corrupt courts sympathize and make them pay out big time! Not all lawsuits are illegitimate but many are due to the ignorance of the patient. Poor doctors preying on people are just as much to blame. But then we go back to the Socialization of it all. Where is the incentive to be the best if all the doctors are paid virtually the same? Where is the incentive? You’re efforts aren’t being justly rewarded for your services. You can’t make someone be better. There needs to be incentive and the majority of people out there don’t strive for excellence for the sheer sake of it.

America is the best because we’ve allowed freedom of choice. With that freedom comes rewards! Better quality and more variety! Its basic economics!! Eliminate choice and you eliminate freedom- whether you are a producer or a consumer. Hail Democracy! Hail capitalism!

Anyway. Ramble ramble.

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I love this poem… it is simply beautiful!

I will write more often. I need to unhinge my censoring restraints. I need to let live and allow the torrents of my soul to flow through my finger tips. Imagery of the mind needs to play for others. Who am I to censor my self in fear of failing to communicate fully? I am here as a testament to the universes plan. It’s unfolded and it wishes to unfold more fully. I need to take this potential lurking in my depths and give it life.

I will write daily. I am committed to commenting on my own thoughts for the day, however mundane. I made a commitment not too long ago to write a million words- a thousand words a day for five years. I’m several dozen thousand behind. I need to make up for lost time. I need to learn to express more fully. The content is all the same. There is nothing new under the sun. The context is what changes, like the seasons. There is never a year or day or time like now. I will write about the now as it unfolds before my eyes. My thoughts will carefully select a curious perspective to translate.

I will become curious of all things. I will not settle, but reflect and act, hashing out the details in real time and arrive at a digestible position to sit on.

I yearn for a complement. Not the rhetorical flattery that inflates ones ego. I need one who complements who I am- an encourager. Where is the woman? Show yourself! I’ll confess- I’m not ready to provide the love that person rightfully deserves. There are others for that role in the mean time.

Calculus- Accounting- Economics. Blahhh. Makes be nauseas. These rigid ways of thought. Effective and efficient. Calculating. Precise. Where is the spontaneity! Where is the robust grandeur of chance and beatific risks! I long for these panegyrical displays of a life lived! I am wading through the mires of dry reason. Have I not found what I am looking for? What’s needed to live more fully? I desire a circle of confidants that appreciate the aims I shoot for. They support these lofty dreams I so seriously tackle. They pay no heed to my vain attempts at grabbing at the wind. They know that a gust will come and take me high above those who lay feverishly in the soil and sulk in their misfortune.

*****

I long to write more. Tomorrow… much much more!

Schools a joke. Gosh. I’ve exerted so little energy lately. I’m just waiting for it to come back and bite me big time but somehow I keep ending up with flawless performances. gosh… tests today. papers due. meetings. ugh. hm. Life is grand. I keep looking forward to the future.

Its beautiful in vermont right now. Absolutely breathtaking. I should take a picture. The weather is heavenly… like soft gentle zephyrs rolling over the hills and flowing through the trees. Its the kind of air that you breath in and want more. I take bid deep breaths and hold it in and it breaths out fresh! The trees are changing all sorts of colors. radiant reds and burning oranges. Yellows and bright greens mottled here and there. the sun shines brightly although its cool. The skies are crisp and light. Very blue and cool.

Class in 5 minutes.

How Modern Liberals Think

I stumbled across these verses and it spoke all my life’s grievances better than I’ve been able to do. Ecclesiastes 3:1-22.

I love life. I am filled with passion from top to bottom. I am excited and joyful. I am looking forward to enjoying my life more thoroughly. I’m pushing myself to be the best I can be. I renewed my life purpose. I am committed to helping people find their purpose. A purpose that fills them with life and spirit and inspires them to be far more than they every thought they could be. My desire is show every person I meet that they are worth loving; that they are valuable and unique and irreplaceable. And that, so long as their dreams and passions are worthy and genuine and good, they can do whatever they set their heart to. I want to open their eyes and show them that they have an almighty, all powerful will– and if they can dream, all they need to do is find the will to succeed within themselves, and their dreams will materialize day by day before their eyes.

Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be. (Jimmy Johnson)
Vision: The first step toward creating an improved future is developing the ability to envision it. (Unknown)
Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.(Japanese Proverb)

No dreams is too great. No one great was remembered because they’re dreams were realistic. You’ll know your dream is worthy when people tell you you can’t. Never let people tell you you cant. The journey is the reward. Every day will be rewarding. No one thought their way to success and a happy life. Happiness and success are achieved by those burning brightly with passionate purpose. Happiness eludes the passionless.

Seize the day, put no trust in tomorrow.(Horace)

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.(Hellen Keller)

I was transformed a few years ago by the book “As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen. Since then I’ve taken control of myself and my thoughts, choosing and employing the very best to maximize my potential and reach my goals.

I began reading voraciously and consumed mountains of the classic self-help, philosophy. and psychology books. Eventually I found myself reading about the teachings and philosophies of NLP. The more I read the more I realized that NLP is nothing more than the philosophy of employing the fundamental principles of success and excellence. The more I read into NLP the more I realized I was already practicing much of what NLP teaches. I had already programmed myself with a variety of virtues and tools I never had prior to my commitment to excellence by reading the philosophies and thoughts of the greatest achievers who lived.

I also noticed parallels within psychology and NLP. Recently I’ve studied the findings of Schachter and Singer and their two factor theory of emotion. I think this theory illustrates an essential part in understanding why/how NLP works. (To sum it up: We choose our response to stimulus based on a cognitively labeled state of arousal. Whether this arousal is strong or weak doesn’t matter- we cognitively decide how react and feel about the stimulation and response.) Whenever I mention NLP who’s had no personal experience with the teachings I’m often met with criticism that its a pseudo scientific cult. Anything can be taken too far, but NLP seems to be to be such a fundamental approach to employing positive philosophies and patterns of thinking in every and any area of ones life.

tbc…

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
– Aristotle

The first and last thing required of genius is the love of truth.”- Goethe

” I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it but by it I see everything else.”
C.S. Lewis

“The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.” Vincent T. Lombardi

“What I must do is all that concerns me, not what people think.” -Emerson

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”-Romans

“You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’”
-George Bernard Shaw

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
-Jack London

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”- Epicurus

“Humility is only doubt
And does the sun and moon blot out,
Rooting over with thorns and stems
The buried soul and all its gems.
This life’s dim windows of the soul
Distorts the heavens from pole to pole
And leads you to believe a lie
When you see with not through the eye.”
-William Blake

“On a long enough time-line, I always Win.”

.

LIFE IS BUT A DREAM

by: Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)

BOAT, beneath a sunny sky

Lingering onward dreamily

In an evening of July–

 

Children three that nestle near,

Eager eye and willing ear,

Pleased a simple tale to hear–

 

Long has paled that sunny sky;

Echoes fade and memories die;

Autumn frosts have slain July.

 

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,

Alice moving under skies

Never seen by waking eyes.

 

Children yet, the tale to hear,

Eager eye and willing ear,

Lovingly shall nestle near.

 

In a Wonderland they lie,

Dreaming as the days go by,

Dreaming as the summers die;

 

Ever drifting down the stream–

Lingering in the golden gleam–

Life, what is it but a dream?

An awesome book published in response to the positive psychology movement:

The Pursuit of Happiness

By David G. Myers

1. Realize that enduring happiness doesn’t come from success. People adapt to changing circumstances—even to wealth or a disability. Thus, wealth is like health: its utter absence breeds misery, but having it (or any circumstance we long for) doesn’t guarantee happiness.
2. Take control of your time. Happy people feel in control of their lives. To master your use of time, set goals and break them into daily aims. Although we often overestimate how much we will accomplish in any given day (leaving us frustrated), we generally underestimate how much we can accomplish in a year, given just a little progress every day.
3. Act happy. We can sometimes act ourselves into a happier frame of mind. Manipulated into a smiling expression, people feel better; when they scowl, the whole world seems to scowl back. So put on a happy face. Talk as if you feel positive self-esteem, are optimistic, and are outgoing. Going through the motions can trigger the emotions.
4. Seek work and leisure that engages your skills. Happy people often are in a zone called “flow”—absorbed in tasks that challenge but don’t overwhelm them. The most expensive forms of leisure (sitting on a yacht) often provide less flow experience than gardening, socializing, or craft work.
5. Join the “movement” movement. An avalanche of research reveals that aerobic exercise can relieve mild depression and anxiety as it promotes health and energy. Sound minds reside in sound bodies. Off your duffs, couch potatoes.
6. Give your body the sleep it wants. Happy people live active vigorous lives yet reserve time for renewing sleep and solitude. Many people suffer from a sleep debt, with resulting fatigue, diminished alertness, and gloomy moods.
7. Give priority to close relationships. Intimate friendships with those who care deeply about you can help you weather difficult times. Confiding is good for soul and body. Resolve to nurture your closest relationship by not taking your loved ones for granted, by displaying to them the sort of kindness you display to others, by affirming them, by playing together and sharing together. To rejuvenate your affections, resolve in such ways to act lovingly.
8. Focus beyond the self. Reach out to those in need. Happiness increases helpfulness (those who feel good do good). But doing good also makes one feel good.
9. Keep a gratitude journal. Those who pause each day to reflect on some positive aspect of their lives (their health, friends, family, freedom, education, senses, natural surroundings, and so on) experience heightened well-being.
10. Nurture your spiritual self. For many people, faith provides a support community, a reason to focus beyond self, and a sense of purpose and hope. Study after study finds that actively religious people are happier and that they cope better with crises.

Life… I’m wary of talking in absolutes. My initial inclination is to use words such as hate and always or never when talking about things I feel strongly about. I restrain these inclinations. It’s a bad habit to talk in such polarized statements.

My feelings. I feel animosity toward myself. It’s odd. I’m not where I mentally want to be. I want to be making some kind of progress. I feel that I’m not striving or pursuing with the kind of eagerness I should. I am totally losing my mind. Color. Where is the fucking color. Where is the clarity. Its up and down and all around. Where is life. Where is the depth. Where is it. I am getting angry. I’m getting upset with myself. I want to be good.

Most commencement speeches are predictably safe and boring. But this one
from Neal Boortz to the graduating class at Texas A&M was far from what
either the students or the faculty expected!

Neal Boortz commencement speech:

Some things occurred to me as I was outlining some notes for microeconomics. I was busy thinking about the two things we charge people for an exchange. These two things are called ‘goods and services’. I was contemplating what those terms meant and how they’ve changed over time to what we now see in our modern culture. Goods… these tangible things. Things that were once raw before human hands and creativity shaped and molded the molecules into something valuable to another person. And these goods… before they were labeled as valuable were nothing more than matter. We buy the idea that these goods improve the quality of our life in some way. By working hours for value in return… aka a paycheck…we exchange our time… for these goods. Do they improve the quality of our life? I wonder. I then was thinking about services… how necessary services are in our culture. I then started thinking how unnecessary they are in our culture. How the goods we buy often are too expensive for us to spend our time maintaining. We buy a car… no one maintenances their car. No one re-roofs their house. People much prefer eating out and being served than servicing the food themselves and eating at home… even though money makes this difficult as an everyday occurrence. No one services their computer. They haven’t the time to learn. They would rather spend their time working for more money that they can exchange for more goods that need to be serviced. anyway.

I don’t even know where i was going with that. It’s like people are brainwashed to think that they need things. This culture makes it seem impossible to survive without these ‘things’. These goods and services. America is a HUGE business/money making machine. Advertisements flood our airwaves and conversations day and night. Spend spend spend. People are living to generate income for these banal desires.

You are not the collection of past or present behaviors. You are a being. You exist, here, now, and into the future. You will be whatever you decide to be. Choose wisely. Your choices will increase or decrease your chances for future choices. You never are. You are always being. Be what it is that calls you. Follow those choices and stick to them valiantly.

I’m ready to engage. Any moment now. I will live in the present. I will see past all reservations… all tendencies to hold back. I will break free. I will laugh loudly. I will do and be with all that can be called of me. I will smile and stare in the face of the world. They will fumble and cower in their own confusion. I dictate this world. This reality is mine. The web of fabricated norms can no longer hold the fire inside. It burns and it is ready to absorb and engulf anything in its way.