Category: Uncategorized

the world wants something its never seen before. Its tired with the duplication. I look around and i’ve been it all before. theres nothing to hold onto but old memories of my first time. i dont know if this is the trend of growing up, or if the world is getting harder and harder to find originality. the internet and media and communication floods my senses every day with images that, while they seem like the present, sound like the same old story. day after day. the same music, the same political lies, the same advertisements, the same promises, the same routine, the same lifestyles. Because variety is so accessible,its worthless and unoriginal. What is genuine in this world? Is this just getting older? Is my mind playing tricks on me?

Every new piece of knowledge takes me farther along my journey, carrying me above a previous clarity, only to show me how unclear it all is. And, at the same time, i know i’m better for it. why, i can’t figure out. maybe ignorance is a far better state. What i need to do is organize my thoughts. I need to make it very clear for myself the expectations i hold. I need to focus and visualize exactly what i want without contradicting myself with every newfound revelation. I want to be honest with myself, but i want to pursue a worthwhile endeavor without having to stop and redirect my path and recalibrate my progress with every new insight. its debilitating.

What i need is a muse. I found that muse is love. Before that i found it in self-pity. More recently my muse has been the sheer thought of excellence. Although the ideas of excellence is ever growing and expanding, its not alive and offers no intimate dynamic. not like love or self-pity. I will say that the most regrettable times in my life were those when i found myself wrapped up in self. the best were those when i was thinking of others. in regards to love, ive yet to find something so impressionable, so life giving, invigorating and exhilarating. coaxing my inner voice to speak up and setting my passions ablaze, love breaths a restless vigor for more.

a muse? where can i find a muse. so here i am. i feel less accomplished than usual. my mind is preoccupied. where do i find answers? The answer ive always gave myself has been that i must make these answers.

the world is getting a little grayer. The appeal of things once held in esteem now seem jaded. My thoughts keep taking me further, brightening new worlds and instilling me with new feelings. The parallels sketch on wonderful new meaning, coloring life like never before. I feel less apart of the crowd though. A shift in paradigms has left me with a new appreciation. Wherever I end up I’ll be happy so long I seek the passions that convict me most.

“”””””””
The engineering department of a defense plant at Newburgh, New York, has been experimenting with steel wire, drawing it out very fine. They finally produced a piece of 120-gauge wire — practically invisible. The boys were proud — so proud, in fact, that they cut off a strand and sent it to a rival Japanese defense plant. “This is just to show you what we are doing in Newburgh,” they wrote.

Weeks went by. Recently, a package arrived at the Newburgh plant. The boys opened it with great care. Inside was a steel block; mounted on the block were two steel standards, and strung between them was the same piece of 120-gauge wire. At one end of the block was mounted a small microscope delicately focused on a certain spot on the wire. One by one the engineers placed an eye to the microscope and examined in silence the work of their rivals, who had bored, in the wire, a rather handsome little hole!
“”””””””

gosh…

I’ve been doing tooo much. I feel like all I do is think or think about doing.

Although this is a bit taxing, it’s pretty amazing how its worked out. Before I always would think but have nothing important to think about. Recently, for the first time in my life, I’ve given myself so many commitments deemed important, all I do is think- and it’s getting me somewhere! finallyyy!
———–

soo…i’m in a pretty solid trance. I’ve been non stop since I got back from break. Every day I wake up at 7:30am.. hit snooze twice.. take a shower.. head to breakfast.. then drift to class from 8:30-12:30… followed by lunch and anywhere from 2-3 meetings or appointments in the afternoon on any given weekday. Usually I eat dinner at 5:00… finish up with meetings around 7:00… go lift… come back at 9:00… do homework till 12:00 and try getting to bed. Free time in between involves studying or planning or e-mailing or writing… Every day..

^^^^^^^^^^^

It’s been pretty out lately. Finally starting to get sunny and not so cloudy and gray. Beautiful crisp blue late winter skies. The trees are still bare but it doesn’t look so bad when it’s sunny. Anything but gray and wet. ew.

I love learning and knowledge… I loveeeeeeeeee learning new things.

I despise cigarettes. It happens once and a while… but I always chastise myself in the back of my mind. I see people huddled with their face stuffed in their jackets struggling to light their cigarettes with matches. They endure the cold and singe their bangs or nostril hairs just to get it lit. Then then suck it down like it was the key to some vacuous cavern in their chest. They suck it, and hold it in, and blow upwards in a euphoric satisfactory kind of way. ew. not cool.

********

I’m growin a lil beard.
I can’t wait till it gets warm enough to wear shorts and sunbath…and swim in brooks and splash in streams. I tried wearning sandals in some weird hope that it’d get warmer sooner… or that i’d convince myself it was warmer. Not a clever idea. toooo too cold.

i’m about to yawn… too tired.. night
night night!

Recent Reflections…

Faith is believing without seeing (having no proof). Belief is an idea accepted as being true. True is being in accordance with reality. Reality is something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.
An Idea is something, such as a thought or conception, that potentially or actually exists in the mind as a product of mental activity.

If reality exists independent of ideas concerning it, how can one believe in reality?

To believe in reality is to believe in truth.

-In order to establish a reality, one must first seek to establish an idea. This requires faith that the idea is true. Believing in reality is pure faith.

(To prove an idea, it must be repeatedly demonstrated and tested to produce consistent conclusions. These consistent conclusions are evidence. A Proof is a sequence of steps, statements, or demonstrations that leads to a valid conclusion. A conclusion is a proposition concluded or inferred from the premises of an argument. A proposition is statement in which something is affirmed or denied, so that it can therefore be significantly characterized as either true or false. A premise is a proposition supporting or helping to support a conclusion.)

So the saying goes.. whatever you seek, you will find.

To establish a conclusion, an idea must exist with an intent. Intention is an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result. To determine is to limit (a notion) by adding differentiating characteristics. Characteristics are features that helps to identify, tell apart, or describe recognizably; distinguishing marks or traits.
Acknowledging (recognizing or identifying) characteristics is to accept them as true.

Can a conclusion be established void of intent?

Faith is required with every initial premise until evidence is presented as valid or invalid. Then one can decide to accept or reject it as true.

Faith is believing without seeing. All belief is based on trust. Trust is a commitment to expect a certain outcome.

Free will allows us to think freely and choose what we seek and where we seek it.
We gain idea’s through observing the world around us.
Free will is the ability to freely seek our desires- our wants, our expressed wishes, our requests. Do we decide these desires? What are our desires?

Whether you think you are right or wrong, you are right. Knowing this, how do we rely on our own judgment?

Establishing an idea and accepting it as true does not mean it conforms with an absolute reality.

Are truths made any more or less real whether we believe them to exist or not?

The less we seek to know, the less we think to seek.

********

If reality exists independent of ideas concerning it, how can one believe in reality?

If you do believe in a reality, what reality do you believe in? How can we know what is truth? Is absolute reality anything we find when we seek pure truth? Even though we may not know what pure truth is, must we seek before we find?

When something is created, did it ever before exist? Does something need to exist before it can be materialized? Does something only exist when it is actualized?

Does an idea exist before it is thought? Before it is spoken? Before it is written? Before it is materialized or actualized?

Do we create ideas or do we find ideas?

Do we find ideas, through observation, only after we can allow ourselves to see that they can exist?

Or, through observation, do we create idea’s only after we understand that they can exist?

Does knowledge have an origin? Do we create knowledge? Do we find knowledge?

Can we create knowledge? How do we create knowledge if there is nothing new under the sun, and knowledge exists forever permanent and unchanging?

If we create knowledge, did it ever exist before? or at the instant we created it, did we changed the metaphysical makeup of reality? For ourselves or for everyone?

Ideas, knowledge, and wisdom existed long before we claimed it as our accomplishment. We do not create the laws of reality. We find the laws that govern it.

Whether an idea be moral or natural, it has always existed. We do not decide natural laws, just as we do not decide moral laws. To pretend that natural laws are as relative as moral laws is pure foolishness.

We cannot bend or defy natural laws, only work against them, causing a struggle and conflict.
Can we observe a conflict when we try to bend moral laws?

Just as we can work against a natural law and we can observe conflict that occurs around us…

Can we observe and identify working against moral laws by examining the conflict that occurs around us?
Must we deny ourself (our ego, needs, desires, pride), when deciding whether a moral law is sound?

Is it moral if the intent benefits the person who deemed it so?

Are morals anything more than illustrations of ones intent for goodness and righteousness and truth?

Can you have any morals if you have bad intentions?

If everyone created their own moral laws, would there be conflict?

If everyone sought and agreed to one set of moral laws, would there be conflict?

***********

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.”

Inspiration comes unannounced like a flash of lightning across rain swept skies. Why then, in the darkest of nights whilst facing the most unkindly of tempests, do men hide themselves? Why, rather than pressing on to secure their footing in high places, do they retreat to familiar grounds of no protection? They cease their search and shut their eyes and wait for the surges of doubt and self-pity to recede as hope slips into the darkness they’ve hid themselves in. Never retreat. The march is slow and arduous, but you should never travel backwards. Move forward to higher ground, let inspiration light the way. No guarantee of tomorrow only provides men with their magnificent dreams of today. Never give up on your dreams.
It’s been said: “We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake…” (RAY)

Life.

I yearn for this inspiration that moves me and my thoughts in the most unconventional and original ways. It’s effortless. When examining the beauty there are no imperfections.

I think life is a feeling. When we aren’t feeling we aren’t living. They’re a good indicator of whether our thoughts are working for us or not. I’m not sure why I ever doubt. The only reason one is to doubt is if his feelings aren’t lining up with his expectations.

When I search for these pure feelings and wholesome thoughts, I’m caught looking through a prism of possibilities. A kaleidescope of color. It’s frustrating to change the way your perceive things. Experiences have taught to test and act on anything that seems to line up with worthwhile convictions. Don’t harbor the opinions and philosophies that guide your thoughts without testing their resilience.

The birds are outside fluttering back and forth from tree to tree.

I’m getting depressed. It’s been pretty cold, and gray, and raining the past week. On Saturday I went snowboarding. That was fun. The weather was exceptional. Freezing cross winds were made up by the plentiful sunshine.

Now when I say depressed it means different things to me at different times. Im trying to rationalize this stint of discontent and apathy. Depression to me is not feeling sad, but feeling nothing. I don’t get depressed when I’m sad. I get depressed when I cease feeling. I would rather feel bad than not feel at all. I feel like I’m being stifled. I feel like the people, the environment, and my thoughts are imprisoning my feelings. I tried doing homework yesterday. It was a failure. I’ll finish it today. Pop some aderall and stick my head in the books. Where’s my drive? Where’s my passion? It’s so vague. I want it overflowing into every crevasse of my life. It’s no where to be seen. Plain. Old.

These pathetic people. Everyone believes whatever the fuck they wanna believe. These people all around me. It doesn’t even matter what truth of reality awaits them. I feel trapped and suffocated. gr. I don’t even know what to think or feel. I’m getting some food.

Im losing my fucking mind. I wanna snap. There is nothing rational about my feelings or mentality right now. I wanna start beating the shit outta people. Anyone that fuckin crawls under my skin. I wanna gnash and lash and whip and freak the fuck out. I am sick and fuckin tired. Of fake fuckin smiles. Of having nothing to say to any of these pieces of worthless shit. I’m freakin outta my skin. I wanna blow up. I dont wanna be nice. I dont wanna pretend. I wanna speak my fuckin mind. I dont wnana be sensitive. FUck that shit. God i wanna beat the fuck outta those pieces of fuckin shit smartasses who think they’re oh so fuckin cool. Those slut ass cocky bitches. I wanna drive and get reckless and be furious with hormonally charged impulses of rampage. I wanna break fire upon everyone who looks at me like they fuckin know me. I dont wanna know you. I wanna crawl up into a fuckin cesspool of shit and drown myself. These feelings are crawling all over me. Scaling my body from the inside out. In my mind. This disease of negativity is eating me alive. This viral infection inseminating any good intentions. Im being struck down one thought at a time with these animalistic urges to expose any decency i built to retain. I wanna let go. I wanna punch you in the fuckin face. I wanna ruin you life with my stare. Staring you right in the eye. Burning a whole through your soul. You haven’t known hurt and emptiness and fearlessness like this. You cocky piece of shit. You think you’re tough. You think you know it all. I don’t give a fuck about you or your life or what you think. If you wanna piece of me I’ll fuckin bleed my life all over you. one bloody fist of rage at a time until im mashing a hole in your head and smiling with bloody bright red glee. Ruin me. Cut me. Beat me break me smash me peirce me. You can never have my fuckin will. I will never break. I will while my smiling death stare. I will look towards the sky and gurgle my blood and beat you with my bones. I wanna hang myself with your guts. I wanna bath in your blood, drown myself in your excrement. Its a downward spiral thats soo easy to slide down. You don’t have to try. You don’t have to collect your thoughts. You have to act on impulses only. There is no love, only hate. I have a black heart.

Socrates: The fact is, as we said at the beginning of our discussion, that the aspiring speaker needs no knowledge of the truth about what is right or good… In courts of justice no attention is paid whatever to the truth about such topics; all that matters is plausibility… There are even some occasions when both prosecution and defence should positively suppress the facts in favor of probability, if the facts are improbable. Never mind the truth — pursue probability through thick and thin in every kind of speech; the whole secret of the art of speaking lies in consistent adherence to this principle.

Phaedrus: That is what those who claim to be professional teachers of rhetoric actually say, Socrates.

–Plato, Phaedrus 272

Kitsch:

n. something of tawdry design, appearance, or content created to appeal to popular or undiscriminating taste.

Sentimentality or vulgar, often pretentious bad taste, especially in the arts: “When money tries to buy beauty it tends to purchase a kind of courteous kitsch” (William H. Gass).

adj. Of, being, or characterized by kitsch: “The kitsch kitchen … has aqua-and-white gingham curtains and rubber duck-yellow walls painted in a fried-egg motif” (Suzanne Cassidy).

Do the laws of the universe create life? Do the forces that act on all matter inevitably lead to reactions causing organization that begets more organization? And begets organization to the point where the molecules begin to question themselves and their intent? Organized states of matter drawing from the universe around them that produce something out of nothing? Ideas? Truth? Philosophical concepts and laws to live and govern by? I would rather say we are gods. If we are not, we are made in God likeness. A consciousness exists within us that is more than the resulting whole we’re composed of. If we were solely matter, we would be no more relevant in the scheme of time than dust in the wind. Our experiences would be lies. Lies would be lies. There would be no right or wrong. The evolutionary reaction would persist until it fizzles out. All of these thoughts, however personal we make them, attached with sentimental penchants to make it worth understanding, are nothing. Do not convince yourself they are more than the reality you accept them to be. You swallow lies if you think you are worth more than the ashes that construct and guide these inclinations. If there is no real meaning to life, and everything is meaningless- aside from the lie you’re convinced it to be- than knowing this is meaningless. Getting to the bottom of anything, the truth about something, knowing everything- is pointless. You will not be any better off.

I suppose people, once they’re convinced that there is no origin, no God or purpose or real plan, they can begin to make life whatever they want it to be. They are masters of their fate. The opportunity chance has given them allows them to be a god for a brief moment in time. They infuse their decisions with the illusion of meaning, deciding and believing in a fabricated existence. They declare their own laws and morals and philosophies to be paramount to anyone around them. Even if they’re tolerant, they’ve arrived at the conclusion that everyone can believe whatever they want because there is no meaning, and they are right because they believe it to be so. This is called existentialism. This is the current state mankind has found for itself. Because there is no truth, and all is relative, everything is debatable. True meaning is vapid.

Is there a God? If he is, why are we separated from him? If all that is can be measured and calculated before our eyes, where is this God? What is love? What is faith? What is honesty? What is truth? What is compassion? What is empathy? What is kindness? What is a will? Are they mere reactions? behaviors? patterns? How can these things be measured? Is right and wrong measurable by a definite scale? If not, why do be place faith in such things as hope?

If God is real, why would he allow people to suffer? Is it his will we suffer or, like a father’s love for his child, does his heart break to see us struggle? Does he pain and weep when he sees us scrape by in life, accepting pathetic answers for help instead of looking to him? Does he want to know us? Does he even care? Did he make us for the insignificant novelty of it all? Little beings hurting, hurting others, suffering to survive, questioning life and existing, crawling through life on their hands and knees to spread themselves over as much material or immaterial gains as possible, only to find themselves on their deathbed with the cold reality that it was all for nothing. The suffering, the joy, the relationships, were for nothing, and they slip into oblivion. Or do they find themselves in other place, confronted with answers to the questions? Are they blinded by the radiating perfection of a just God who they’ve reserved as an afterthought? Does this God accept them to a place they never wished to seek? Does a door open to those who don’t knock? Is there a place where a relationship with a perfect God exists? A God who you never desired to look for or know? Where would a perfect justice place the blame? On God or us?

Ebbing and flowing. I stare off, too encumbered to think anymore than necessary. I don’t need to question why, although I spend all day thinking about the answer. Do I have to lie to myself to get by each day? Is life really what they say it is? Meaningless and void. My personality, my will, all a product of evolution. I am not me, I do not have free will, I am the result of unbelievable chance. Matter in the universe totally coincidentally organized to a place that is now my current condition. My thoughts are not mine. I am merely matter that has evolved. I am the result of chance reactions. I can lie to myself to instill meaning behind my actions that lead to my circumstances and the current circumstances that man has faced throughout history… but it’s a lie. Me thinking it’s a lie is meaningless. Knowing anything is meaningless. Why do I say this? If this life is how they say it is, a freak evolution in the course of time, defying all odds- but maybe not- or anything that would cause matter to stray in disarray, what is the point? Who am I? What I am doing here? Is it enough to accept that by chance we arrived to a point where we dissect the very fragments of space and time we’re composed of? We turn and pry and poke at matter and energy and calculate predictions with Godlike accuracy. If we are just matter… where is it in the laws of nature or the evolutionary scope of man that he questions what he is? Does a rock question its origins? Do we, composed of trillions of seemingly innate molecules, as more organized states of matter, have any greater place in space and time? If my thoughts are motivated by mere molecules simply happening by chance, programmed to respond from a long line of genetic codes that have been constantly victimized and molded by chance circumstances and mutations, am I void of a will? Do I even have a choice?

Recently I’ve been trying to entertain the idea that there is no God. This concept is so foreign to my inner being that when I look for reasons to do something, apart from knowing there is a purpose and a plan and perfection behind it, everything is for nothing. Lies? What is reality? Who can prove it to me, or themselves, any more than what they are willing to accept? I cannot run from the reality I swim in every day that needs answers.

Why does man create? It’s not for survival. You don’t need to create to survive. You need to do whatever you can, but you certainly don’t need to create. Why paint? Why build monuments? Why is man so hungry for power?

I look around and I see meaningless. I see people who are sick of the lies they swallowed. Everyone thinks they’re going somewhere. That they have it figured out. They need to in order to move on. But is anyone any closer to substantial understanding? People accept delusions, deceive themselves by settling for cheap answers, and continue delve into this world of matter and molecules that we create as a playground for itself. We are the molecules organizing molecules. For what purpose? There is none. We are a bubbling, frothing, chance reaction of minuscule matter in the universe that’s miraculously persisted to churn on. Somehow the random and unorganized matter managed to find a way to organize, and produce more organization, and even predict patterns of organization and devise ways to see into itself and ask about the origins of itself, only to arrive at the conclusion it was all a random chance. The fact that order exists at all amazes me. Laws?

Do the laws of the universe create life? Do the forces that act on all matter inevitably lead to reactions causing organization that begets more organization? And begets organization to the point where the molecules begin to question themselves and their intent? Organized states of matter drawing from the universe around them that produce something out of nothing?

Do I have a soul? Is that what resides within me?

I always get what I want. I always want what I know I can have. I don’t deceive myself into thinking that I can have everything.

There are matters of winning and losing, and matters of life and death. I do not aspire to learn to win, but rather to learn to live.-

HOORAH FOR SOCIALISM! HOORAH FOR GOVERNMENT REGULATION AND CENSORSHIP! America is lazy. They want the government to take care of their every need, avoiding any responsibility for themselves as the sovereign defenders of freedom and their pursuit of happiness, and point their finger at people to blame while they continue to carry on wrecking havoc on morality and sound laws in order to be “politically correct” by practicing ‘tolerance’. We are the people. Freedom is something the American people have to earn and fight for every generation. If we don’t we’re left with an ungrateful apathetic outlook towards our governments role as the extension of the sovereign will of the people to protect freedoms domestically and abroad. Unfortunately the current state of apathy has caused the nation’s will to decline into a sad state of hopeless helpless beggars who avoid responsibility, and rely on others to blame and solve their problems. It’s hopeless no matter who’s voted in.

Sometimes we get lost in our thoughts. We lose direction and bump into all sorts of obstacles before we discover our unfortunate fault. There is a visceral connection that leaves me with a vague feeling of uncertainty. I fight with myself. I wonder how much we deceive ourselves. I wonder how much we’re deceived by others. Everything we do is motivated by some ubiquitous intention, inexorably pervasive, even if we choose to ignore it. I think we need to be honest with our own state being. Not as an unchanging unique individual, but the state of being that’s ever evolving and consistently yearning for that ideal condition that will forever allude us. We’re a slave to how we perceive our human condition. How can we wrap our mind around understanding? How do we arrive? Is it definitive? or do we settle with the most convincing argument we present ourselves until we’re presented with a perception more agreeable? or for the sheer security of our sanity, do we ignore the only viable influences to change and help us?

You want to pull it out. It’s piercing your depths. Swirling into the never ending abyss of emotional sludge, you feel it slowly choking the healthy exchange of heart and mind. You consciously examine the vague waters of uncertainty. Slowly losing yourself, you become entranced by the allusive depths of the imagination. There is no logic to explain the state conjured by forces of desire or fear or doubt or excitement. There is nothing logical about the will of man, about the tormented spirit as it wrestles with it’s current condition. Is man a slave to his flesh? Is he arrested by the limited perception of the present? Is his hope in the future inherently flawed? Tainted by his crude interpretations of the past? Who can judge man’s potential before he’s actualized himself? Before he’s displayed the power of his will? Can man maintain hope in life without the knowledge of ever achieving before? Can he be satisfied in working towards a state he has no agency over, a state of being that’s never existed, nor guaranteed or promised? Who can judge the measure of a sufficient effort if they’ve never existed, never achieved or succeed or actualized their dreams?

Is failure necessary to help man recognize the limited scope of his understanding? Is it integrated into our experience to show us how finite we are? Do animals learn from failure so they can personally work on their current condition?

Fear? Is fear man’s greatest motivator? Is desire man’s greatest motivator? Does fear motivate desire? Does desire inspire ignorance in defense for escaping the debilitating clutches of fear? or is desire the overwhelming yearn for a life more abundantly? Is what we see what we get? Do cynics have an imagination? Is idealism ignorant or genius?

Life should be beautiful. Life should be about seeking truth passionately, loving God with all our heart mind and soul, acknowledging our human experience as being universal and love people unconditionally as a result. I need to buy another journal. A real journal. This electronic online crap is useless. Its not personal and its not intimate. I can’t explore my depths by pounding on this keyboard, distract by the luminescent LCD screen and bombarding advertisements, blinking instant messages, and juggling the countless other thoughts popping into my mind as I look at my task bar and see google and youtube and hotmail waiting to be addressed.

I love God. What that means to different people suddenly doesn’t matter to me any more. I have a hard enough time trying to understand God even when I desire him with my heart. Never mind those who don’t even wish to understand him and act like they know him when they haven’t a clue. When you know someone personally, who is someone to tell you you don’t? Its like someone telling me I don’t know my father, that I’m really an orphan, that the love we felt wasn’t real, that he never cared, and we never had a relationship, that I made it up in my head because I wanted to know where I came from, that he’s made up. It’s bull. I know God as well as I seek to know him. It’s like any relationship. I know that God has never let me down when I’ve been in my deepest despair. People tell me this and that about science and religion. I love science. As far as the science backed with a flawed philosophical foundation like atheism, I disagree wholeheartedly. Science based on all that is and all that will be coming from a source, I warmly accept. Why is there something rather than nothing? Something never comes from nothing. Everything that is never existed forever, it’s very obvious. If the second law of thermodynamics is real, and it is, then the universe would have died out long ago. Entropy, being apart of our reality and inescapable, would has caused the universe and all that is to collapse the first half of infinity. So there was a starting point… and some people refuse to look to that starting point and say… wow… something never ever comes from nothing. So the only explanation must be that something bigger than what is created that something. Imagine… people thinking that there was nothing… then… Bam… everything. But… they can’t acknowledge that it’s highly likely, though intimidating, to believe that God created everything that is and will be at one point. anyway.

Life is pointless if there is no meaning. Even if we create our meaning… its pointless and unfulfilling. I need real reason that ties into everything that I do. I surrender to God and seek his will. I will be obedient by loving him above everything. I will not even scratch the surface of his perfection, but a taste of it is better than anything my feeble mind could conjure or the feeble minds of men before me. If there is God, he is sovereign. He is the reason for everything. He is perfect. Perfectly loving, just, true, compassionate, kind, forgiving, logical, knowledgeable and wise and I could never know him even if I lived eternally. I am the created. I will never know the creator. I must humble myself before him, knowing that he everlasting and true and fair and he loves his creation like a father loves his child, like an artist loves his art as he pours he being into it. God is the reason for everything. When I acknowledge that I’m brought with meaning that could never be surpassed. I want to serve the lord, love him and worship him with my actions and thoughts and heart and soul and prayers and everything that I could ever have to offer. I’m flawed. I really can’t do anything right… after all what do I know about doing right? Right for me? or you? If I rely on God he will give me the strength to do right, to do his work and perform his will through me. God’s will is the only thing that is right. It will happen inevitably anyway. I just know at the end of the day, I am sick of constantly making my own standards and living to my own will or what I think others would see best. No one knows best but God and we aren’t God and we aren’t perfect so we have a hard time comprehending certain issues, but faith carries us through. Jesus said Love God with everything you have, and love your neighbor as yourself. Everything else stems from those two things. God always rewards those who seek him.

Luke 12:29 (KJS) And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.
30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.
31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.

We’re so primitive. Cluttered, smoggy, tangled lives. Surrounded by things, choking on fumes, tripping over wires. We sit on our high throne and pat ourselves on the back for our great progress. We’ve made no real progress. The philosophies that govern the majority of the lost and dying world we live in today are no different than those practiced in antiquity. Has our brilliance truly saved more lives than it cost? The famine, the killing, the lies and deceit and confusion. Do we possess any more of life’s answers than ever before in history? Are we any closer to what we’re looking for? As long as there is death and struggle, confusion and war, pride and ego, I would say we have squandered our time and exasperated our resources. No matter the theory or philosophy, free will has perfection shackled and out of reach forever. Only a strive to attain the ideal exists. That is universal.