William Dare

ive long since dreamed of your angelic face blowing wispers in my ear and before the break of every new day i lay and dream of you my love you taught me to sleep with hope tomorrow i will find myself lost in love once more

lately ive had raging emotions. i wanna kill. i wanna injure. pain is no contest. i want to unleash. i want to experience hurt. i want to bathe in pain. i want to inflict hurt. i want to destroy. i want to end things. i dont like being underestimated. i want to fight. i want to hold someones life in my hand. i want to breath death. whether my own or someone elses. im not fearful. im confident. i want to enjoy my sufferings and smile upon my pain. i want to lose it. I need to be pushed over the edge. please push me.

sitting, looking, typing, seeing, feeling, moping, gasp intruiging, watching waiting, panting bleeding, infomous darkness never receding, to blank the thought of this distant needing, wanting more but never recieving, tending demons attending preachings, living lonesome living grieving, , leave the friendship never retreating, loveing lustful thoughts of healing, here i stand alone and kneeling, every tear that keeps on speeding, racing time like its fleeing, watchful demise intensity teeming,life long, lustful never ending, catch the promise, that which is pending, in your words that you keep bending, never knowing always pretending, let me know If I’m worth fending, and take the thoughts to keep me sending, simple words mabye just three, take these words, take them from me, and look inside find what you see, on what you missed, what it is is me, swallow your pride, swallow it whole, you took a dive, you paid the tole, you walked with pride never to see, who you really were, who you turned to be, signing out and clocking in, giving up, to giving in, you never new what you had to hold but now that I’m gone you’ll soon grow cold, dripping sweat, burning eyes, never to make your compromise, take these words and take them hard, shove them inside and wash them down for what you know you meant to me, I’m sorry but your friendship could never be

my weekend…. friday… went to a close friends party… got inebriated… slept over… got molested by some girl… very uncomfortable situation…. overall good night… hung out with alot of guys i havent partied with in a long while… saturday DAY…. hung out with kate aLLLLLL day…. went out to EAT….. instead of seeing the polar express… gag…..met up with philip….. went to the malll….. got the camcorder up and running….. got ready for a bonfire…..saturday night… hm…. phil and i got a bonfire goin… good amount of people came and went… it got beat after the first hour… so we shot over crystals for awhile… only to return to the bonfire later that night… i must say… i drank a bit too much that night… had a killer time tho… saw alot of people id never thought id see at a party… anyway… it was goooood. had fun shootin my pellet gun… choppin shit up with a machete(sp?) and bashin things up with bats… overall fun… hm…. tonight went to a close friends lumanares? or something.. basically a giant block party… yea… didnt know anyone so i left… getting ready to go to stadium grills xmas party… FUN… good shit… exams tomorrow… wish me luck…. HA im like $400 in the hole for my car damage… still.. its been about a month now… right before xmas was a kick in the balls for my car to break… bummer.

yea.

"This fall I think youre riding for – it’s a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn’t permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement’s designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own enviornment couldn’t supply them with. Or they thought their own enviornment couldn’t supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really got started."

didnt come up with this… but i found it humorous and entertaining enough..so:::: do you’s? 1. do you think im cute? 2. do you want to kiss me? 3. do you want to cuddle wit me? 4. do you want to hook up with me? 5. do you like my hair? are we’s? 1. are we aquintences? 2. are we friends? 3. are we hook ups? 4. are we in a relationship? 5. are we going to have kids? 6. are we going to fhuck like vild boar? would you’s? 1. would you hang out with me? 2. would you ask me out on a date? 3. would you be my hook up? 4. would you be my girlfriend/boyfriend? 5. would you have sex with me? have you ever? 1. have you ever thought about me? 2. have you ever thought there might be an "us"? 3. have you ever thought about about hookin up with me? 4. have you ever found yourself wanting a kiss from me? 5. have you ever wished i were there? (awwww <—) are you’s 1. are you thinking "what the fuck is wrong with this kid?" 2. are you happy you know me? 3. are you mad at me? 4. are (what) you thinkin bout me? 5. are you going to repost this so that i will return the favor?

i feel like i have a weight on my shoulders… its uncomfortable. i feel as if my emotions are being held down and suffocated. Am i missing something big here? i went to jersey…. i had a good time i suppose… saw all my friends… it was so good to see everyone. i wish i had a day set apart for each of people i left behind when i moved. but as much as i was glad to visit jersey…. jersey weather is not enjoyable… and i couldnt wait to be back in florida… went to the dance… danced my butt off. woooot. afterwards…no big parties… so i went to the races in Phili with jeff alex and dave… we eventually parked and ran around center city for a few hours.. made some trouble and what not… it was fun.

1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. How have I affected you? 5. What do you think of me? 6. What’s the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 12. Physically, what stands out? 13. Emotionally, what stands out? 14. Do you wish i was cooler? 15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 17. Am I loveable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in 3 words 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think i’ll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 28. How well do you know me? 29. Do you wish to get to know me more? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t? 31. Do you think I could kill someone? 32. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

****all details excluded… cause im lazy**** I somehow found myself off of work saturday. quite a blessing. SATs sat morn. Major bummer… so hard to stay awake for those tests… anyway… i end up going to the bake sale concert… with a special group of people… phil, gada, kate and myself made our way to the concert… and it only took… THREE HOURS…. yea… probably more but im being nice… phil and his amazing directional coordination and phenomenal driving abilities wisked us about palm beach county for roughly three hours before arriving… that was fun… we did some illegal conspicuous activities before the concert… went in… had a jolly time… i must say.. the concert was cool but i had a hello sweet time chillin with phil kate and gada… we bullshitted… talked… chilled… went crazy… got deep… got… RAMBUNCTIOUS.. oh yea… all of the above… afterwards we went to cory’s house where we met up with a junk load of our friends… that was alot of fun… good bonding time with everyone… it was a quality party… a fun time… anyways… woke up this morning… went to church… where i tried staying awake… unsuccessful efforts… bah slept alot today… had killer guitar lessons with brian bell aka " the best guitarist in the friggen world" …slept more

your gonna need a good 15 minutes… but its worth reading it and seeing whats up with the nationally controversial article… Article 1: No Longer a Christian Part 1 Rebutle Article2: No Longer a Christian Part 2

*****DRAMATIZATION****** After lifting for 4 1/2 years when my father and i started lifting in our basement 530 everymorning… this lasted for a few years before i realized my passion for the sport and indiviually took it to another level… dec 17 2003 i stopped suddenly… and after losing 20 lbs… i realized i could not go on living without lifting as a part of my life… November 29th i resumed my passion once again… in three months i want to regain almost a years worth of weight lost… and attain my junior year weight of 180lbs… is it possible? 5000 calorie per day diet… lets hope so

***** The rendition of actual events that Mike encountered on Thanksgiving eve is a DRAMATIZATION.*** November 24th was the beginning of a hell of a night. It started with a bottle… a bottle of Europes finest…Absinthe. My illustrious adventures began with the first bitter… and quite overpowering… sip of the "Green Fairy". (Let me note that absinthe is far from palatable… save anything after your first three drinks ofcourse… at that point you hardly taste anything at all…) After the first drink… followed up by 4 others… i found myself in an invigorated… lively… state of mind… not drunk whatsoever might i add… but more… enlightened… my bones felt stronger… i had reason… and there was a clearness that draped over my body. Over a period of several hours.. with my two close friends… we slipped into our "absinthical" state of minds and enjoyed the wee hours of the morn. and i mean WEE. like 300 AM wee. We mixed the 140 proof liquor (absinthe) with other parts and ingredients that are recommended to help induce a more pleasureable experience…. and to sweeten and lullify the harsh bitter,herbal taste of this exotic drink. Around 1:30 ish… i go online.. and inspect my buddylist… i talk to random ppl… who are also quite intoxicated… and write random messages and emails to ppl. (very intelligle i must add. I suprised myself at my conherent sentences and writing abilities.. even at the state i did reach.) one of the friends left. *pout*. but by chance we picked up one more. who left after a thirty minute roundabout and a stop at the only convenient store open. Walgreens. (a stores not convenient when they arent open… so i thank walgreens so staying true to thier covenient store heritage). So friend number 3 is tired and me and friend number one are not. so number 3 goes home. *pout once more* so im left with a jeep. My closest friend… and…accomplice and Five quite powerful drinks flowing throughout my body. first. lets do the math. Powerful all terrain vehicle that can smash through anything and ride over everything. CHECK. A friend who can coax and encourage bahavior you might not otherwise do by yourself becuase its foolish, but do it because they make you confident in your abilities to survive and conquer anything. Even Death. CHECK. A Foriegn pyschedelic liquor that serverly depresses the majority of your inhibitions and opens your mind in a way that you never thought possible. CHECK Jeep Friend Foreign liquor= TROUBLE (aka hello fun) sOOO….. we decide to go off roading. And i mean. Off roading. we didnt use roads.. oh no. roads are overplayed. everyone uses roads. not us. Hm… bushes.. no problem. "i dont wanna turn around. lets go through a yard to get to that road" "it says DO NO ENTER. Lets check it out." ETC., We traveled… many many hours in the jeep. everywhere. jupiter is no mystery to me any longer. Actually. South florida in general.anyway… continuing along…. 545 in the morning. Driving through a hello-big field. driving over hello-big mounds of dirt and debris… fun… well.. i just get done goin over a giant pile and… i go to switch gears.. but my clutch doesnt work. so im like. wtf. i pop it into neutral. fiddle with it. im at my wits end… and scared. my precious bulldog of a jeep is servely injured. my friend jumps on it and does his best to figure it out. we are in the middle of a field of dirt/ mud/ valleys/ mounds… offroad paradise. with a jeep. that doesnt work. im not even gonna tell you what i was thinking. but i put it in first and started the car in first whilst giving it gas. IT MOVED AND WE WERE OFF. my friend was standing and watching as i was driving off yelling to him" im not stopping you better run and jump in" so… he skidattled his way after me and jumped in. whatev. The ride home was very… scary. We could not stop in fear of not starting again. so….we get home in like 1st gear. check it out. some hydraulic line from the clutch to the transmission is BROKE. cracked. over worn. whatever. so. im fucked. 630 in the morning. im like… uh i need to go home.. i go home.. i havent checked in with my rents all night. i set myself up for trouble. i walk in the house 630 in the morn. and who do i see. my father. yes. my. militeristic christian moral father. and im not even gonna tell you what ge said to me. but it wasnt healthy. not at all. i was tired and it didnt matter. my jeep was broke. poo. -MIchael Sean-

Me frigen blabbing about shit most "men" wouldn’t dare speak of…cause its not cool…im bored. so bored. so i dont care. Life. Whats up with it. When is it gonna start getting good? is this as good as it gets? Why am i living it alone? do i chose to live it alone? i want to Love. it seems that asking to be loved is too much for some people. i want to enjoy life. i know its possible. I want to get really down to earth with someone. tell them how i feel. and let them know that i do care about their feelings. For me to fall for someone a connections gotta occur. its not enough that im attracted to them. the attractions gotta be there but its that we connect in a way that i am so confident in thier decisions and their intentions with my feelings that i can disreguard my insecurities and trust them. yea. thatd be cool. everytime i do that the girl goes nuts and fucks me over. literally sometimes. anyway. yea i wanna fall in love again. ofcourse im prepared to get hurt. when you fall in love you are setting yourself up for hurt. not always. there are ppl out there who are genuinely loving and would never dare to do anything to compromise thier feelings for you. i need to find someone like that. Id love them like they’ve never been loved before.

i met a girl today… whom i was THOROUGHLY impressed with. a rarity. i must say. it was like the "love at first sight" thats so enigmatic and mysterious. i felt like a little school boy. everyone knows what im talking about. the feelings that dont have to fester and grow… but explode and fill you up like they’ve always been there, the instant your eyes lock and hold onto eachothers… those are the feelings everyone looks forward to getting. no matter who you are. and i lovem. anyway… my little emotional rush for the day… that i felt inclined to share. hah.

For people who’ve never heard The postal service… you are missing out deeply… so im giving you an opprotunity to read some lyrics..just cuz

The Postal Service(amazing band)- Such Great Heights

I am thinking it’s a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they’re perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you’re away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, ‘come down now,’ they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
‘come down now,’ but we’ll stay…

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

Postal Service, The – Such Great Heights –>

some writing:::

im cold now and my arms are empty
i say im warm and my heart is full but
who am i fooling
when the worlds a barron iceland
all i have is a phone and a sweater to keep me warm
 and ive lost touch with you
youve lost all hope for me
but as long as your content and your arms are full
im ok with that my love
as long as youre warm
ill sit alone and think of you
by the candle you lit that set my heart afire

 

another:

i was drunk from the taste of your lips
and high from the touch of your soft skin
i thought i saw the world in its  perfect state
but i was inebriated with love
now that we’re through im hungover
you left me sick and tired
how i long to be intoxicated with our love once more
but i know id wake up alone and unhappy again
wishing the same dream that left me feeling feeble…
this addicting love is so unhealthy for my mind and soul
your poison is killing me softly.

well.. november 6th 2004 was a historic night… THe drunkest mike has and will ever get… ever… because if i do happen to get any drunker id die….

i dont remember a whole lot after finishing the cuervo… i remember drinking a bottle of cuervo… and… some beer…and jello shots and having a good time the whole night… socializing… you know… doin what people to at partys when they are drunk….being crazy… meeting people.. doin the whole drunk thing… they had a mean slippin slide goin on outside… beer bongs… keg stands all night… everyone was drunk and being straight…  until someone slashed my boys tires… then i got in killer mode… and (not naming any names) a "bunch" of  upset/ pissed off/ crazed "people" went to his house and fucked the shit outta his house… windows and everything.. and his car is in ruins now….. and i have a gaping laceration in my hand with flesh all mangled and hanging out of it… and blood… and then round 300 just when the cops arrived i started throwing my brains up..in the bathtub (KEWL).. interesting… the bathroom was a bloody mess with my blood… and the bathtub was a giant cesspool… i thought i was gonna die… i was so drunk. i was so drunk i could hear everyone talking… but i couldnt see anything… and i couldnt even put words together to talk.. i was like… mentally retarded… my mind and body where completely unattached… i tried my hardest to form words and intelligible sentences/phrases… but it mostly came out in mumbling…  the cops took pity on me… i told them in was all jennifers fault…they found that funny… jen didnt… i was havin a jolly time talking and listening to them as i was passed out throwin up… we had a ball.. they went easy on me tho… not funny was havin to hear my dads voice in the background when he came to pick me up at 400… he wasnt happy… and i was drunk… if you know my dad you just picture his face and look of disgust as he saw his pitiful drunk as hell son tryin to mumble to him… so he was not at all proud of me that night… esp after hearing i was a suspect in the whole rampage ordeal.. im clear tho… soo… .. i cant find my license… i think that the cops thieved it… hm…  soo… i bonded with alot of people that night…. dont remember half of them… i will when i see the people again..i hope… except i do remember grace lauri and lauren.. i remember bonding with them…

what else… i woke up at like 1:00 still half drunk… and im still hungover and sore like crazy..my left hand is mangled… my right hand is like sprained… what i night…some joe shmo tried fighting me… while i had a bat in my hand… what the hell is wrong with people… people really have no common sense when theyre drunk…i shoulda knocked some sense into him..i took pity tho. it was the alcohol.

 

school tomorrow.. cool…

today… im going to a wedding reception with a special someone.. cool.. i got a slick new outfit so i dont look run down and ill kept. BOXELDER TONIGHT>>>>> HELL YEA>>>>